Blade in hand the heavensent
Inches closer to her face

"I've been counting down the days"
Says he.

Further down the hole he went
Losing races in a maze

Wide awake inside his craze,
Crazy.

He moves in silence
Lurking between venues
Welcome and adieu

He comes and goes
In skies and ink injections
In rejections of her heart

In breaking silence,
In his art
Of knives to Faces.

the sink is stacked full
of week-old dishes
that i haven't found the energy
to wash-
the dishwasher's spoilt and
i haven't had time to call someone to repair it.
or maybe i'm just procrastinating.

the laundry-basket is overflowing
with clothes,
i've been too busy working to put them to wash.
or maybe i'm just procrastinating.

this is what you talked about.
taking the last clean shirt out of the closet,
swearing because i realize my laziness has caught up with me,
eating chinese takeout almost every night
because i love the chicken chow mien,
not caring that i'll soon get sick of it.

it's what you called "that searching",
wanting more and more and even more.
we want the cold days to end and the warm ones to come,
we want back the people we used to love.
we want to see spring again,
for the cycles of life to repeat themselves.
we're never satisfied.
this yearning, this feeling-
what you finally gave up.

i see it in the mirror every morning,
think about it when i spill the coffee because i'm hungover
from last-night's emotional breakdown.
i catch a whiff of it when i let the dog out,
when i'm buying a CD from the corner video store,
when i catch a glimpse of myself
in the car window.

and i am filled
with the knowledge that
i am alive;

for this, this is
what the living do+.
what you finally decided
was too much for you to take.

but that's okay.
lock the door behind you now,
and drive safe.

I'm a mixed drink
Half desperation
Half infatuation
Drink me
I want to taste me on your lips when we kiss
I'll become intoxicated
The fermentation
A bittersweet sensation
Love me
Allow yourself to be susceptible to alcoholism
Because I'm a mixed drink
Half desperation
Half infatuation
And nobody likes to drink alone

I know the depression is all in my head
I have it pretty severe
but it's nothing to dread
because I don't fear what's under my bed
I fear…
I fear…
Myself.
My depression isn't seasonal
it is induced by a simple thing
when I look in the mirror
and I feel I will never see a diamond ring
on this finger of mine
on this finger
because of my mind.
I look in the mirror and I see a monster
something that's clawing at my eyes
and hoping that someday I will just realize
that someday
some way
I will be okay.
they say it's all your perception
I say it's in my reflection
it's all that I need to know
that my life isn't real
and the things that I feel
are not okay.
The pile the medication,
one after another until I feel nothing is left,
because nothing will ever be right.
I start falling asleep in class
thing is I never wanted to wake up in the first place.
I don't want to open my eyes and see my classmates laughing at me
because
of what I see in the mirror.