It's been awhile since I've thought of you,
but I suppose that's because I don't allow myself to think of you anymore.

I don't remember the day I stopped breathing,
It's been so long.
Guilt was a stranger on my doorstep and he sunk his cold hands deep in the pit of my heart;  An abyss he consumed from fall, an abyss that still hangs in his mouth.
Sorrow has him famished.

Your bones had bested me into the shambles of reason. I could not help that your ivory soul stood in my reckless wake, nor that my fingers craved more than the garden that was your skin. I should have known my tongue had diseased your mind with unkept promises.

"You sad soul," the bathroom mirror hissed whenever I swallowed those pills.  The door is all but welcoming, and I stand praying for comfort within the grain.

A regular reservation I had on my rooftop with Guilt served most of my years. We basked under that sea of stars.  I watched one night as he coaxed a few into a glass jar.  
It cowers on my desk still.

Were you ever real at all?

... would you then still stay?


10W
SøułSurvivør
7/30/2017

I've heard a lot about heart break being at 3am, insomniac nights filled with silently sobbing into pillows and when sleep finally comes, it is only greeted with stabs of loneliness when the cold realization floods in that you are waking up alone.

But they forget to mention that it happens walking down the middle of the sidewalk at 2pm when you're supposed to meet a friend for coffee and you see a face that's a distorted version of his because your heart is so desperate for him that it starts to try to find him in strangers.

They don't tell you that it happens six months later when you're starting to feel good again and you accidentally hear that he's dating someone new and it sends you spiraling down into the crushing weight that he doesn't love you anymore and suddenly you're not eating again and the man who works at the liquor store makes a comment about your drinking habits.

No one talks about it happening when you start falling in love with someone else and you're sorting through your computer and stumble across the album of pictures of him that you haven't looked at since the breakup a year ago and you think you're strong enough to see his face and you realize how desperately you loved him but it still wasn't enough for him to stay.

People fail to say that it happens at your best moments when you are so full of life and love and joy that all that can radiate from your smile is the strength that conquered demons and you see all the beauty that is around you and you remember the person that you always wanted to share this moment with has decided he wants nothing to do with you anymore.

Angels arms open wide to receive the soul of those whose lives ended too short...

To the sound of a gunshot, the silence of disease whatever it may be it took them to early...

I've lost too many in this war known only as life. I have watched as their lifeblood drips from their fingertips and floats blissfully into the sky, coloring it a crimson red in the early morning...

He was too young, taken by death at the ripe age of 15...why I ask every morning as I remember the final smile I ever gave him wishing him luck on his math test later that day...

I remember the look on his face as we parted ways, it was one of hope, only to be dashed by the hell that we live in.

Taken to early he was, forever he will be missed...

If
  happiness
    was
      a
        cake,


I
  guess
    it
 ­     wasn't
        large
          enough
            to
       ­       go
                around.


Either
  that
    or
      so­me
        had
          been
            too
              greed­y.

to love a poet
is to admit the world
is tragic