I just want to be done already.
You don’t understand what it’s like…what its like to wake up from nightmares just to continue living them while you’re awake. You don’t understand the endless conversations I have with myself, making it unbearable to sustain myself. You don’t understand…how many times I think about killing myself each day. I wish you could understand how hot my tears are when they roll down my cheeks and how much it stings. Please understand that I’m hurting and I just need you more then ever

I don't even know why I cry anymore.
Nothing has changed.

So I'll sit here, like nothing ever happen to me with the biggest smile on my face because that's what you do right? You forget everything that ever happen to you, like it never even meant anything to you.

No. ******* im crying.

******* im gonna stay in bed and grieve.
Because she meant everything to me so if another ******* person tells you to "get over it" "move on" ect tell them to **** themselves because it hurts....
It ******* hurts so ******* cry my friend.

God I ******* miss you, like everyone is trying to understand me but they don't ******* understand. I loved her so much and I know she did too regardless of what her parents say. She's a ******* person, with a mind, with a beating heart, with a soul. I wish she would have stood up for herself but I know how hard it was. Whether her love for me was real or not I still ******* adored her. She saved me from my demons, she saved me from myself and the only time I felt something was with her. She made me feel like I cared, like I was a person. I miss her.

Who would of thought that all this **** would have happen to us on this day. I can't stop replaying the moment and I swear I'm going crazy. I never wanted to hurt you or for you to get hurt, I ******* loved you. But with a blink of an eye our worlds, our dreams, our future came crashing down. God I'm so stupid. How could I be so careless? I ******* hate this life and I'm sorry I brought you into it. Im sorry you had to fall in love with someone such as me. The tears keep running down my cheeks but I can't feel anything but just my heart breaking with every fall. We had our whole lives in front of us. Im sorry this is all my fault and I can't stress that enough. I promise you baby girl everything will be okay. You will always be in my heart and I will always love you no matter what.

My thoughts don't even matter anymore.

The nightmares are getting stronger and more powerful. The Worst part is I'm awake.
These heartaches and the struggle to breathe get me the most at night, when you aren't around. I'm tired of crying I'm tired of feeling so over whelmed because I know I can't live without out you. Why can't I live without you?