Lynx - Hello Poetry

Lynx Mar 2018

Untitled

I hate myself
I hate myself
so much
I hate myself so much that I want to hurt myself
I can't
I used to
but now I'm not allowed
the blade wills me
but I'm not allowed
I want it
it's shiny
it's sharp
I miss carving out
my pain into my skin
but I'm not allowed
it's okay
someday
I'll move past it
...right?

a poem about someone who hasn't self harmed in years and misses it dearly

#self #harm #pain #suffering #depression #anxiety

Lynx Jan 2018

My worst enemy

You don’t understand me
But that’s okay
no one does
You don’t know me
but that’s okay
no one knows what’s deep inside
If you took a peek into my mind
you’d feel like you were branded
like a cow
being lead to the slaughter
and I’d never wish that on anyone
so when you try and tell me
the horrible stories
you think you know
I don’t care
because you’ll never know
what this is like
what it’s like to be tainted
what it’s like to be me
what it’s like to live this experience
daily
over and over
but do you know what?
That’s okay
I don’t want you to
I’d never wish it
on my worst enemy
except
my worst enemy
is me

Lynx Jan 2018

Repent

You lied
You lied.
You lied!
You lied to me!
Why would I trust liars?
This angel with a pure white canvas of a heart
has been tainted
with black paint
and seeks your suffering
you've made her fall
down to earth
and soon
she might be dragged into hell
if only you could repent

Lynx Jan 2018

I Want

I want you to hold me tight
I want you to touch me softly
I want you to be gentle with my heart
but most of all
I want you

A quick simple poem I jotted up while thinking about ...fluffy romance stuff.

Lynx Nov 2017

Sleep it off

Sleep it off
Sleep it off
My solution to everything
Sleep it off
Sleep it off
The one fix for any ailment
Sleep it off
Sleep it off
Everything will be better after you wake up
And even if it doesn't work
You can just sleep it off some more

Time to sleep off more feelings.

#depression

Lynx Nov 2017

Crowds are My Worst Nightmare

As the crowd moves around me
I cower
and make myself
as small as I can
My eyes burn
and my chest hurts
"don't hurt me"
I think
as I cry so hard
my throat refuses
to let me form sentences
people ask what's wrong
but I can't answer them
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry"
Is all they can make out
and all I can make escape my lips
I'm sorry I'm scared, but I don't know what to do
Please forgive me
and don't hate me
for the fears
I can't control

I experience a phobia of crowds, and although it's not nearly as bad as 3-4 years ago, it's still pretty awful.

#phobia #phobias #crowds #fear #fears #anxiety #pain

Lynx Nov 2017

Justice is Dead

What is context?
Clearly they don't know.
I show my innocence
Yet get sent to the gullitine regardless
Even when half the jury is in my favor
The King refuses
and I get charged for a crime
I never committed
Trying to protect someone
Who just wanted me dead

#suffering #crime #guilty #innocent #charge #charged