I collect suicide attempts
like stamps in a scrapbook.
I taste asphalt and burning
tar.

Chained to a bed
the door swings closed
again. again. again.

I scream for more weight.
I scream to end it all.
Why do I do this?

I don't feel afraid anymore.
I can taste the soft grey.
Brother Billy, let me come
home.

Mother, Father, Sisters,
hold my sin in your heart.

How can one hold the fragment of a nightmare so bleak?
Why must we cycle onward and spiral down?
I thought myself incapable of love.
I thought myself incapable of joy.
Please just wipe our sins clean.
I beg for just one more day, one more minute.
A single moment where I can say
I am yours, and you are mine.

I'd offer my soul for one more moment.
One more heart warmed of nothing at all.
One more evening drive until the sunrise.
One more piece of peace in each other's arms.
One more memory made for tomorrow's hope.
I'd offer my soul for one more moment.

What it must mean to softly be in love.
Truthful nothingness lit by candlelight.
How I must wish to hold hope's hand in mine.
We sit, we stew, we stare, and storm along.
Your sympathy, your sorrow, your smile,
all grace the fetid plain of my mind's eye.
I wish you joy, a brighter tomorrow.

Alone I'll sit, alone I'll sing this song.
Alone you'll rest, alone you'll find the dawn.
A goodbye, or perhaps a new hello.

Moments flicker, circles begin and end.
A past's future will let you start again.

Farewell, be free to greet your Severus.
But please, just let me act the Damien.

I wish I could hear the whisper of the wind.
I wish I could witness one last smile's smoky stain.
I wish the colors would not fade in the fall.
I wish for the peace found in your voice's call.
I wish to remember that opossum's grin.
I wish for the love to drown out the pain.

I wish for everything.
I wish for nothing at all.

Sob from the **** sticky with stolen saps.
Look her in the eye and scrape off your skin.
Weep for yesterday, descend, and collapse.
A taste, a sampling, a whisper of sin.

Dull the blade, dipped in blood, entrenched in rust.
Swept away, hold the memories in your arms.
Wash away the pain, and remain focused.
Know no ill will, treasure love, do no harm.

Wait. Moments, hours, days, months. You must wait.
The lavender light will return poor child.
Clutch your promises,  and do not fixate.
Soon you shall see your pains have been exiled.

Please, do not forget the life that you lived.
Please, do not forget, you'll be forgiven.

I learned of the blade's dull chill on my wrist.
It differed from before, but red is red.
I wonder when perhaps, when will I purge.

I call the buckle's mark my hickey.
But you and I both know the kiss it holds.
I just need to lose a little more weight.