I CONTINUE TO TRY TO CLIMB FROM THIS PIT OF DESPAIR, WHILE REALIZING THAT THE MORE I CLIMB TO THE LIGHT THE FURTHER AWAY IT MOVES FROM ME.
MY HEART BEING SHATTERED PIECE BY PIECE, SO THAT I MAY FEEL EVERY NICK OF PAIN.
THOSE I HOLD DEAR, THAT HURT ME THE CLOSER I PULL THEM TOWARD, BUT THE PAIN OF PUSHING THEM AWAY WOULD FEEL UNBEARABLE.
IVE BEEN TEMPTED, AND HAVE FELL TO THAT TEMPTATION, TO MAKE THE ONES I LOVE MOST HAPPY, EVENTHOUGH I KNOW THAT AT THE END,
THEY WILL ULTIMATELY BE THE REASON I SELF DESTRUCT.
My deepest sorrows have been caused by those whom I could never picture myself being without.
Though at the end, I know I will be left even more scattered than before, those same people feel perfectly in place.
I yearn the attention and adoration from those who could care less about my happiness, yet I feel loved.
Eventhough they have made my life a living nightmare, I just wanna be the reason they sleep well at night.
WHY DID I EVEN THINK I WAS WORTHY OF THEIR ALL? THERE HAS TO BE A REASON I ADORE THEM SO HEAVILY. WHY WOULD THEY EVEN WASTE TIME ON SOMEONE LIKE ME WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY OTHERS WHO CAN DO MORE FOR THEM THAN I EVER COULD.
TO BE WORTHY ENOUGH FOR EVEN THEIR LEAST, MAKES ME FEEL THAT I AM SPECIAL TO AT LEAST SOMEONE, THOUGH IT BE SHORT LIVED.
Eventhough you are the reason these tears are forming in my eyes, and my vision is getting blurry, even being that you are the reason I’m lower than I thought I could ever be, I still just wanna be the reason you smile.
I wanna bring warmth to your heart in this cold world. My heart beats to bring you joy, because just you being happy, is the reason I can wake up and say that I have a purpose.
MY BODY, HEART, MIND, AND SOUL ARE IN AGONY, BUT IF THAT MEANS THAT YOU ARE JUST A SMALL BIT SATISFIED. IT MAKES ME FEEL THAT IT IS ALL WORTH IT.
AND HONESTLY, AS MY TEARS DROP ONTO THE SCREEN AND IT GETS A LITTLE HARDER TO BREATHE, I WILL DO IT AGAIN, AND WOULDNT HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY.

The sound of a knock
The ring of a clock,
Is what’s steady in my conscience.
I feel lost in time
My Key of logic, declined,
All I have is a key that reads nonsense.
I’m Not Verbal nor combative
Thoughts of myself, a tummy of laxatives,
I’m always alone I can’t lean on the fence.

One side was the sun but It comes with the rain, my side rains and pours but no light comes my way.

Wish I could be the tide, living is boring, I’ll just lay and I’ll sleep, I hope my heart will stop the snoring.

Lonely skies on a sunny day.
Blood on the inside, where it shall stay.
Water from the tide,
waving hello when many are saying goodbye.
When things are going bad
and it makes you feel sad,
stay positive for things that are new,
and remember you aren’t the only one who’s blue.

I feel renewed,
as though someone heard my pleas.
I feel at ease,
as though this body is unused.
My thoughts are clear,
all I’ve done has been told.
To the touch my skin is cold,
but with this warmth, I’ve shed a tear.
Her touch feels as it did before,
and the pain I previously felt I can finally ignore.

I love her so,
She’s who I see in my dreams.
I love her so,
in her presence my heart skips a beat.
I love her so,
without her my heart screams.
I love her so,
my life feels complete when our lips meet.
I love her so,
her touch makes my thoughts hush.
I love her so,
I enjoy every moment, no need to rush.

As I hold your hands and look into your eyes, it makes me realize, that the life I lived before you wasn’t worth living. I see a future of us getting married, buying a house, and having children. With you I feel like happiness is not only in reach, but in my hands. The irony of the situation causes me to just not look AT you, but see THROUGH you and embrace the heart that you have given to me. And as the end of me nears and I think back to all my fears, none of them were as great as losing you.