so much to handle
it rolls and rolls
down the page
down my face
like a raging waterfall
not understanding
hurts the worst
superior they are to you
you know nothing at all
just another reason
for the waterfall
oh all the confusion
building up inside
i use the hurt to build a wall
i close the door and hide
visiting hours they come and go
like my will to move
people pass by with their own words
that hurt to the roots
so dark and cold in the tower i built
but who could get me out
one day the door will soon be gone
and i’ll be left with doubt

No longer are the chains that hold me captive visible
They have become ghosts pushing me against a wall
Ghosts taking refuge in my body
I can’t remove them; heaven knows i’ve tried
They speak their names in whispers
And in a language i do not speak
The language known as forgotten
They speak of memories i can not listen to
They speak of pains they hold within me
They hold me captive from within
Using only a word i don’t understand
Past

I’m insecure
And that is okay
In a way
Yes i should work on it
No i should not be
Criticized
Disrespected
“Proven wrong”
Or anything else
Because that is normal
And no matter what
We are all beautiful

my depression is a monster
clothed in a shadow hiding its face
it wrestles me to the ground
and i try to fight back
but i’m barely strong enough to stay alive
sometimes it hits me and i get knocked down
the damages can last for a while
and sometimes i get a hit in
but that only makes it angrier
more hungry to feed on what is inside of me
i hope one day to take this monster
to be able to walk it on a leash
and maybe it will listen to most of my commands
but until then i just have to keep trying
and until then that is what i will do

I can scream
I can rip
I can yell
I can grip
I can slice
I can cry
I can run
I can die
Because no one notices
When you hide how you feel
Behind the door
That is your mouth
That you can not open to strangers or neighbors
And behind the eyes
That are your windows
That you can not pour water out of no matter how bad it’s flooding

i sit down at the table with my one waffle
one of the egos ones that you put in the toaster
it’s covered in peanut butter and syrup
yet i still don’t want to eat it
one bite, two bites, three bites i’m good
but soon enough i’m sick of it and want to throw the rest away
one more bit i say
then another
then another
until the whole waffle is gone and my stomach hurts
because i need the extra calories don’t i?
fifteen pounds underweight
being told i look like i’m starving myself
i just want to be normal
that’s normal, right?
packing my lunch with extra snacks
not because my mom said i couldn’t
but because i need the extra food
i’m so tired of being this way
i forced myself to eat and eat until i gag and then i stop for a bit so none of my hard work comes up
people who can’t stop eating aren’t the only ones who need help
someone please help the ones who can barely eat at all