when you understand my poems perfectly then,

their utility is inutile,
their usefulness is, will. always be, in the

nth  

reinterpretation, a million and still counting,
as long as you must guess at its labyrinth inner wired construct,
be pleasured by the roiled and rolled curves upon your tongue,
two lives (yours, mine), a paired wine tasting, we together,
believing in the greatness of joyous frustration

some say, as I do, the world is better for the
utility of thine own struggled understanding,
the truest combination of two way communication,
surpassed only by our at last armed embrace,
when at last we understand our mutuality of need and salve...

I may not be like you
Look like you
Sound like you
But I am also human
I’m just me

My language may be different
My country
My customs
But I am also human
I’m just me

I have hopes and dreams
Wishes and desires
Though I am not of your blood
I am human
I’m just me

Trying to live my best life
In a good way
I am a peaceful person
Also human
I’m just me

I’m a traveler
An artist and writer
No more or less
Than another
I’m also human
From another place
No better or worse
I’m just me

So when you see me
Don’t judge
As I am just human
Walking my destiny
Just like you
I’m just me

My trauma dictates that I will never deeply believe that I am enough for the people I love.

My fear of failure isn’t a perfectionist, drive to succeed.
It’s a smothering fear that I have done you wrong.

And I’m not sure if I’ve abandoned all self worth,
because it’s never made the ones I love love me more when I feel worthy.
Or if it’s been stolen, burnt, or smashed a million times over
and I’ve been stuck in a groundhog day loop,
Shuffling all the pieces into a dust pan with my hands.  

What I’m trying to say is,
I can rebuild,
I can cut, rejoin, fade the scars away.
I can sit myself on the tallest tower,
Call myself a giant, the bigger person.

But I will never, never regain these segments of self worth when in 25 years a handful of people have continuously robbed me of them.
When something like that is missing, it must be substituted.
I need reminders… I am enough.

10,000 words i wrote for me,

each one, a moment feeling free,

but still i suffer mentally,

sold my conscious for a lot of drink,

suffered daily, '19,

a year my mind will never leave,

but happy days, they strive to be,

i pray the drinks are temporary.

sober life is frightening,

hate my life,

a soul i can't carry,

instead i wrote these words,

so an angel could hear me.

My words became
knives.
A paragraph,
a sword.
And when I
made
my first speech,
the room
                was
                        hit
                             with
                                            a
                                                    grenade.

It's like the entire world feels right
whenever I see you.

to the the girls who starve themselves,
the ones that watch their carbs,

you want to feel adored
you´re personality is fading
they´ll eventually get bored.

while striving for more
you settle for less

you can´t seem to love yourself
step on the scale, there go a few numbers
along with your happiness

I wanna breath
and feel my lungs
not giving out on me

I wanna speak
and have my words meet
a welcoming ear

that will listen
that will understand
that will smile
and take my hand
and off we go

I wanna walk
and trot along
not have my feet drag me

I wanna wake
and for once be happy
make my morning tea

I'm tired of not having someone to understand
if only I knew where you were
I could take your hand
and off we go