Every morning I wake up
Hopeful, Ambitious, Pretty
I feel like this could be the day all my problems fadeaway
I feel I could take on the world and beat it with one swift jab
Till I turn on my lifeless phone and it’s back to the same old drab
I see news articles about wars, famine and greed
I try to look away but it’s on every site so I guess I must read and read
It makes me feel sad, it makes me feel hopeless
I woke up feeling I was free but now I’m four walls boxed in and the freedom was just a silly dream
Everyday I go to bed feeling that one day things might change
But even when I’m focused, all I feel is pain

Everyday the rope gets tighter
I feel my breath being taken away
There’s nothing I can do to stop it
It’s what I’ve always wanted
I scream for help but the rope doesn’t allow it
I try to run but it holds me close
The knife to cut me free is firmly in my back
You never expect the ones closest to you to betray you the most
Especially right from the start
I may have been born whole
But I was raised in two different parts
There’s one that feels, hope, ambition, love
And the dominant one who feels pain, sorrow and has a violent taste for blood
My glass is half empty
The shards feel good in my hand
The trickling drips of red fills my face to give it some colour
Everyday the rope gets tighter
But it stops me from falling even further in the gutter

As the furious rain drips around me
Hiding the tears flowing down my face
I look down to the deep, dark, lifeless drop
But to me when I look down I see hope, an escape, a way out
One step forward and I am on the edge
My life hangs in the balance like a ripped shirt hanging on by the seam
I am broken, people think I can hold it together, but things aren’t always what they seem
Times running out and I make my decision
I take the step and for once in my life I am at peace
From the dark drop I see a light
A light to take me home
And once I reach the bottom
I’ll never feel alone

A jack of all trades
A master of none
I want to be good at something
I wish I had talent
Maybe music is my outlet, but it always falls flat
Maybe it’s my writing, but no one cares
Maybe it’s my comedy, but I am the joke they laugh it
Maybe it’s my sadness from which people might gain
Because people that always seem the happiest are the ones who deal with the most pain
Finding my way forward in a maze, on barefoot wading through the shards of glass
When things seem up, I’m always put back down, it’s always tearing me apart
I’m on my hands and knees praying for an outlet
Cut and bruised to the bone
Ripped apart from hatred and failure, my imagination torn to pieces
Creativity is my freedom, but society wants to hold me back
I need to paint a picture full of colour, but I am only given black

The ink runs dry
But I have more to say
The pages run thinner
But I have more to write
The words are lost in the mind of the husk that occupies it
I wish I could scream, but I am too weak
Ravenous for satisfaction but the meat of creativity runs dry upon the bone
Suckling for more, but I only taste blood
Can I go on when the world holds me back?
Or am I shackled to the reality of life?
Breaking free to feel the grass on my feet, my breath in the cold air, my air through the lonely breeze
These are only dreams, reality takes me to an even darker space
Reality has a depressing grip and I feel it’s warm embrace

I hear the grim reapers scythe tapping on my chamber door
As he breaks through I feel the heated grips of the hands from hell dragging me ruthlessly to the underworld
I beg and fight for my life but in the end I am defeated
Dragged to the depths of hell, I keep falling and falling and falling
The unbearable heat burns my skin to a crisp and I feel no more
I hear the sounds of screaming, I hear death calling
In this world there is only suffering. There is no night. There is no morning
As my skin burns off, I plunge deeper
I wake up in my bed could I have only been dreaming?
As I hear my alarm beeper, I reach but to no avail
I cannot move, I cannot writhe, I cannot flail
The serpent wraps its tight grip around me and with every breath it grips tighter
I want to scream but I lose more life inside of me. I see the light getting brighter
My last breath leaves my body, I fade towards the light
And as I plunge deeper
That’s when I realised it was Satan who was the one that held me so tight

When I cannot move and cannot scream
The demon in my head breaks free
It terrorises me like a cat with a mouse
As it gets closer with every lifeless breath
I scream but my voice seizes to exist
I cry but my tears dry up
I run but my legs have no feeling
I close my eyes but they are pinned open wide
the demon climbs my wall and dangles from my ceiling
It talks to me in a deep, menacing tone
It laughs at me and calls me names
Tells me I’m worthless, makes me feel pain
I shake and scream but to no avail
I shake and scream but to no gain
The torment lasts a short while but feels an eternity
As the echoing voice fades away so do my fears, my numbness, my seizures
I wake up in a pool of sweat and yet am frozen to the bone
The demon inside of me has found his way home

I Look in the mirror and all I see is pain
The reflection is the only one who doesn’t laugh at me
I see optimism crushed under the oppression of everyday life
We are dreamers being forced to wake up
I sit and stare at the mirror and I don’t like what I see
Judging ever flaw, every blemish, and every problem about me
I wonder if things might ever get better for me
The glass shattering will be the only thing to set me free
I can’t judge no more and from the shackles I lose
No more pain, no more scars, no more bruise

The cracks start to glisten through
Daddies crying, mummy’s bright blue
A whole life of forces trying to stay subdued
It’s easier to let loose than to keep his head held on, *******
Stuck in the Memphis blues without you, but when I’m around you I feel nothing but scared and bruised
The doors locked shut there’s nothing to come through
Tell me what I was supposed to do in a world of black and blue
Daddy, when’s mumma coming home
I saw you truck stopping, left your cigarettes on the stove
Smoke fills the room but tonight it’s not just your roar
Oil drips from the sink, broken home, I’m lost
I thought you were the devils son, you showed me from the flames over my cove
My hiding home is no more, your boy will never age old

As the demon inside me takes my last breath
I start to reminisce on every dream, every promise, every wish
I feel I wasted my life on living the same as the person to my left and to right
Why did I have to feel sheltered and boxed in by the expectations of someone else
I should have taken a chance, I should have cared for my mental health
But instead I wasted my days boxed in by four walls
As a kid I had many dreams, as an adult I achieved none at all
So when my lifeless body is put six feet deep
Don’t make my mistake, follow your dream

The biggest stranger occupies this husk of a human
They want me to know somebody, but I don’t even know myself
They want me to love somebody, but I can’t even love myself
It’s masochistic but it feels terrific, the pain helps get to know
The blade to my lifeless skin has a better, more meaningful connection than the one with me and my mind
It tells me I’m happy, it tells me I’m ill, it sends shock through my body and yet I do not feel
Scars appear with no pain, my attraction to things I shouldn’t, the people that I know the same but yet if I saw myself, I couldn’t put the face to the name
I want to get to know me, but knowing where to start is the problem.
I want to speak, but my feelings rob them, I want to express my ideas but my peers mock them. Hopefully one day I’ll get to know the one inside my soul, in the place I call home

Lies in July always sound sweeter in December
Truths in January are warmer in June
Times change, people change
The hard truths never do
I could write a million lies yet I only fool myself
I could write a million truths in the skies and moon, but yet I still never get through
Some people learn, others stay plugged in
Bridges burn, friendships earned and still I never get through
Sometimes the hardest thing to do
Is tell the lies from the truth
When the little white eyes float to diamond skies
You just wish you could’ve got to
And yet still I never get through
Don’t hold back my friend, don’t hold back my friend
The chance may fly away and never come back again
Then they’ll be nothing to prove
I could write just one truth
And yet I still never get through
When loves burnt too
I will still choose you

Everyday my Identity doesn’t stay the same
It’s changes with whomever I meet, it changes with every hello and every hey
I get confused by which side I am on
Or if I am in both
Both sides intrigue me
Both sides keep me close
When I have one, I want the other
And when I have them both I want none
My lifestyle is confusing so I had to try it once
Till I reached my ****** and things just got worse
My feelings get more confusing with every single verse
But I’ve learned how to live and I’ve learned how it works
I couldn’t go back to a life of lies
I couldn’t go back to being just one same guy

I know why the clown paints his smile on
I know why the jester is the saddest one in the room
I know why the man with the biggest mouth has the smallest feed
We give out what we plead for
Its easier to face plastic eyes than pull the wool from ones own
Its easier to craft a happy face than make one
I will be the comedian in the war room
The comic relief of last rites
The caked face to the atom bomb
The brainless noises to the thoughtful songs
Paint me black and blue if you must do
I am your canvas of execution
Anything to please
A welcome mat of destruction
The shoes don’t fit
Still I will honour them
Put on a happy face
You know you have to
I know why the clown paints his smile on
I know
I know
Sweet symphonies to blind ears
Delicate pictures to deaf eyes

Laying my heart on your breast
Planting my warm lips on your teeth
Hands locked around your soul
Your legs and fingers dance to different directions
Gripping Orpheus’ collar
To be the shadow of the forest
The fog of woe
You will share your lips before you share your tongue
Release me
Save me from tugging the anchor
Or blooming the flower
Save the butterfly from travelling before its learnt to live as the chrysalis

I am all but a speck of dust in human history
A thought on my lovers mind in the land of time
My body will decompose before the elders
The final symphony to the key of silence
Fractured memories create caricatures
Barely a whimper to the syllables of mine
Pristine deserts
Untouched shores
A figment of twisted imagination
Feathers crashing to the atmosphere
Spitballs to the Tiger Shark
Forget my face
Forget my voice
However, do not forget my words

Sakura lines my feet
The stairs to hell never looked more charismatic
Sweet blood drips onto sacred life
Blossomed to accept my last breath
The skies dread to weep
Soil breathes in my absence
What comes from death is more beautiful than any sculptor could create with hands bare as the mind occupied
Crafted by the hands of gods but left hollow like dolls on stone shelves
Cherry picked favourites like prized possessions
Do not fear
I will leave the way I arrived
Without heart, thought or mind
Sakura for my casket
Leave the rest to burn

He loves to watch the burlesque girls
I was lost in the ghost infested trenches
My boots soaked in souls
Draped in flesh
What was your worst nightmare?
How does french wine taste in the valleys?
Is it bitter as the well of sorrow?
My love deep in my pocket
You are deep in your creators
The spoon I feed from
The hand who feeds you
You can attempt to wear my clothes
Imitate my hollow mind
But you shall never fill my shoes

The one is nothing but fantasy
A figment of hope so arduous to grasp
Perfect silhouettes from sky rise windows
Shadows perfect every curve 
A million lives are born inside those perfect eyes
A million die when I walk right on
Slow dancing on the hardwood floor
Every creak silenced by the old vinyl player
Pictures painted by Nina and Miles fail to send me to the places your smile does
But I feel you fading as the rain falls sooner
A dream for all but a second for me felt like a life full
The one is a fantasy
Not one penned by Shelley or Neruda, but Dostoyevsky and Kafka

Parted wrists
Seas of dry red
Swimming in languid
Eyes lost all memories
Yet never have been clearer
Steel to flesh
Life to and ending
Heaven speaks to me through Hell’s longing gaze
Tonight I have never wanted anything more
I feel the gates, I see the door
Born in murky waters to leave the same
Flowing out my heart
My last thought never again
I will see you
My friend

Allow me but once,
To sit upon thy hollow flame.
Accepting thy dagger into,
My hearts frail shell.
Raise an army,
To lift the dead from thy shackles.

Heaven’s breath but a mere mirage,
A fog in which,
Taketh forth one’s soul to the gates of hell.
Banquets of blood and iron,
Thy lie upon one’s own blade,
And wear thy crown with a final breath.

Heaven hath not been faithful,
To those who bend the knee,
And shed tears inbetween,
The toes of one’s most graceful foot.

Here I lie,
With my blood seeping,
Into mother’s *****,
And I ask where one’s seed shall grow.
Shall a flower bloom from ones left pocket,
Or shall a kingdom fall with but a whisper?
Only Heaven knows of it.
Would hallowed be thy name?