Each time I tuck you in
I am anchored
With love
My eyes allow you
In my classified space
You land in my head
For the slightest moment
Until
Wanderlust hits
Swimming to my edges
Nourishing my stream
Ending with my heart
As it sings in joy
Inviting you in
Where my damaged soul
Floats in dark isolation
Her pain is paralyzed
In your presence
You love her perfectly
Without expectations
Holding her hand
Guiding her
On your journey  
She is fed  
By the glow  
you spread
Now feeling alive
You bring her back
Deep inside my heart
Less bruised
And,
Kiss her goodnight

Jl 2016

Nearly 20 year passed
Questions still remain
Why did we end
Why unto eachother did we not give in

Now here we are
Near 20 year later
Lust became rekindled
Love may come later

I have no other lover
Not for months now
Not since it seemed
For now we belong to the other

You open up to me now
More so than before
I am your lady friend
Only me, no more

But do you lie
Or am I lying to myself
Could 20 year later
Restart where we left off

I know not the answers
Nor do I care to know before
I will ride this roller-coaster
Till the carni says no more

When I peed on the stick
Nervous butterflies wracking my insides
We tried for two years
But this time felt different

I remeber when I again checked the stick
This time trying for only 4 months
Could it be possible
2 years for the first, 4 months for the second

I remember the first kicks
Both little tumblers inside me
My bladder was the trampoline

I remember the first pains
Were these the real deal
More false alarms
Not this time, they're not stopping

I remember the first cries
Not little mews
Big belted full of life
I cried too

I remember when I held you both
The first time was like a slice of heaven
Little bundles searching for food
Then opened eyes and recognition set in

I am your mommy
Welcome to this harsh world
I will protect you
Shield you as best I can

I vow to let you live
Learn from your mistakes
Be there when you fall
Be there when you rise

I am your mommy
I will never leave
I love you
So much love I never knew I could have

I've never been so certain and confused all at the same time, and I can't tell you the last time I was even able to write. you blocked that part off from myself somehow. you made me mute. you made me beige. you made me a mom in khakis wearing a ***** pack who went to sleep at 8 pm to be safe; you made me safe in the worst way. you made me feel little. you made me feel less. and somehow in a way that i didn't even realize what was happening, i just wanted to make it work. i just wanted to be a flower that grew into a jungle but i was just a cactus in the living room you kept around because you only had to water me once in a while and if you forgot it was okay, I'd survive. I'd still be there. I'd still be beige and mute and anything you wanted me to be sitting happily. ****.

You know you're a poet
When you have walked the tightropes
Of being placed into a confined label
And still look up to a brighter sky of hope.

You know you're a poet
When you hear echoes of voices
That resonate within your mind
From all the mistakes and bad choices.

You know you're a poet
When you can see shades of colour
Within a black and white film
And see value beyond the dollar.

You know you're a poet
When the winter comes you cheer
For all the new found imagery
Like the sight of snow that is white clear.

You know you're a poet
When spring has arrived
You think of a spring in a step
and how a pen-spring is alive.

You know you're a poet
When heartbreak is motivation
For a chance to write sullen words
And heart ache becomes a wonderful creation.