I just feel really ******* stupid

It won't stop bleeding,
This gaping red and black hole.
Useless bandages.

When you come down from the manic, La La Land, I-can-do-it, future bright, endless possibilities cloud that seemed to ascend straight to God Himself
The fall is that much further

you imagine things are bad
and then you go to war
and realise what it was you lost.

I bled a rainbow
But the colors mixed
And now it's just black

I bled a rainbow
But the colors aren't "right"
So I cut a little deeper
Until I hit the heart of the issue
Only to find the root of it all
Is
     My
             **Heart.

Sitting down,
knees to chest
**** naked
Hot water
A sad song
Pocket knife
No surprise
*She's a ***** afterall

The way the sun hits you
Are you satisfied?

No I scream
My heart (a thousand lions) leaps and roars in my chest
No means no, ya get it?
But it doesn't mean no. I'm lying
I'm a liar, am I not?
God you're so good at that
Aren't you. (yes)
This blood, it means nothing
A spool of DNA knitted into
Some intricate design
Designed to what...?
Nothing. I can't come up with anything

A beautiful quilt that someone patched up
But the patches aren't from your home
The pieces of cloth were never yours
Were they? (No)

Like the way a fine dust settles over still water
The currents in the mind have ceased their rapid churn
Electrical though they were, the shock won't hurt you
But it doesn't matter

They pave quite a promising road
It's too bad you've got no guts
And by guts I mean legs

*You stopped running a long time ago