This town
These old graveled roads
My heart is painted here
It's painted across this old home town of mine

Yet
I can't help but wonder
Or ask myself
why?
how?

So many terrible memories
Of a shameful childhood has been planted here
Why do I love this place?
How could I love a place filled with a childhood of heartbreak, blood stains, and tears?

When I grow up
I don't want to be
Famous
Rich
Known
Or the center of  attention
I want to be
helpful

I'd like to be
A psychologist
But not just any
Psychologist
I'd like to be a
Juvenile Clinic Psychologist

You see child therapists
Seem to avoid
Troubled kids in juvenile
But not one child
Ever deserves to be ignored
All children are special
Yes they may have a past
And yes
They may be troubled
But aren't we all?

But you know what
Please continue
To ignore these kids
So then I can be the one to help them
I always have been selfish

Please continue
To ignore these kids
Because you probably had a nice childhood
I never did
So I can relate to these troubled kids
And I can be the one who's helpful
That is all I want anyways
Is to help children
They need it the most

I've always wanted
To climb Mount Everest
I don't do cold weather
But I have an idea
That if I climbed to the tip top at night
That I'd be able to see more stars then anyone ever has
I'd bet I'd be so close to them
That they'd look like holes
On the heavens floor

Before you fall in love with me
You should know I won't love you back
You'll spend every hour of everyday loving me and I won't return it
I'll kiss deeply and roughly and even ******* like never before
But love will not be found
For I have been broken by men
My love has been stolen from me
Please know it will never be found

I can't sing
I can't dance
I can't play instruments
I can't play sports
I can't always do my best
And I can't be perfect

But I can make mistakes
I can forget to forgive
I can give up
I can be emotional
I can do wrong
and I can be imperfect

Life is so ruff
So many mistakes
So many rain drops on my cheeks
I make mistakes
So do you
It's not even that serious
So don't be mad

I don't need you
I only allow you in
If I want you in
Don't tell me I need you
I'm fine with being alone

But I'll still shed a year
If you decide to disappear

I'm sorry if your mad
If your angry
Or disappointed
But it's not even that serious

I say I don't care
But now
In the moment
I'd like three things
A blunt
A blade
And some alcohol

I can't figure myself out
I hangout with thugs
I dress like a prep
I act like a blonde
I read books
I write poems
I dance like I'm in a hip hop  video
I listen to punk rock
I have different hobbies from my friends
I love them too death
They love me too death
Yet they don really know me
I feel complicated

I feel so alive
The ground beneath my feet,
the air surrounding me,
and the sky above me.

I relax calmly throughout my days
with the warmth of a mans arms around me
He keeps me company

I like the feeling of the sun shining on me
its warmth is soothing
but it does not compare to the warmth given when he kisses me

**** those kiss
so tinder
so innocent
so wrong, but right all at the same time

He makes me feel alive
Before he appeared into my life
I was broke down in a puddle of heartbreaks and scars
I was as weak and unstable as veneer

But now I feel so alive
The ground beneath my feet,
the air surrounding me,
and the sky above me.

Images
Of our memories
Memories covered in darkness

Images
Of our romance
Romance without love

Your figure tips across my skin
Your lips pressed gently against mine
Your hand in mine
Our feet swaying side to side
We dance
These are my favorite images
You said you would never forget these images

Now in images I only see
Tall buildings in the distance
Reality finally caught up to me
I love you and I thought you loved me too
Ofcourse I never want you to be unhappy
So I'll say goodbye
And promise to never let you hear me cry from heartbreak
Then it'll be easier for you

Goodbye my loveless soul mate
Don't worry about remembering images
Images of how you blew me away
Like a crumbled sheet of paper flowing in the wind

Your figure tips across my skin
Your lips pressed gently against mine
Your hand in mine
Our feet swaying side to side
We dance
These are my favorite images
You said you would never forget these images

I'm not okay... But it's okay

Because when I put that blunt to my lips I'm okay

And when I put that blade to my wrist I'm okay

Now
In this moment
I am
Infinite

Before
Not too long ago
I was small
Just a small crow
With wings
Non-sprouted wings

I remember waking up
Waking up to a memory
Or a dream
I'm not for sure which
But in the memory
Or dream
I flew

I was not small
Not just a small crow
Not with wings
Not with non-sprouted wings

In the memory
Or dream
I was an eagle
And I flew
I flew out of that old oak
And soared over mountain tops
And through clouds
To a better tomorrow

Then I realized that I did
I did wake up to a memory
Not to a dream
It was real

Then i realized that
Now
In this moment
I am
Infinite

Once there was girl who locked herself in a world
A world filled with butterflies, ocean breezes and sunrise
She hides from reality

In her world it's only pure good
She lives in a castle
And spends her days riding unicorns
And swimming with dolphins

In reality she was touched inappropriately as a small girl
By a big man

Now she is 17 and is loved by a highschool crush
Oh and the big man
Sits in a cell with a even bigger man
Who does to him what he did to that little girl

I am 17
An average teen age girl
I hangout with friends
and I'm dating a football player

Just like any other 17 year old
I have a cell phone
And yes I jump up and down
Every time I get a new follower
On any social site I have an account on

And just like any other 17 year old
I forgot the meaning of life
In fact I don't think I knew life had a meaning

I was born into a life filled with four things
Greediness
Technology  
Money
And Selfishness

In this life
That I was so unfortunately born into
We pay more attention to a new tweet
Than to the loving man whom created us

In this life
We worry more about a new instagram follower
Than too a mother dyeing with cancer
And instead of reading the word of God to a dyeing mother
We check to see if we have a new snapchat

In this life
People call themselves Christians
And they don't even go to church

Open your eyes
Do you see that darkness surrounding your life?
Turn that to light
Read the Bible
Instead of twitter
Keep up with our creator
Instead of a follower

I remember the bits of gold painted in your eyes
Just like I remember the way you'd look at me as if I was the most beautiful girl in the world

I remember the roughness of your gently hands
Just like I remember the feeling of your arms around me

I remember the way you would kiss me
Just like I remember the tingly feeling of your lips against mine

I remember the love that we once shared
Just like I remember this feeling of not belonging to you anymore

I remember the way you spoke I love you
Just like I remember the way you spoke goodbye

*I will never forget you my one true love.

It took one love
To break my heart
Only by losing my trust

It took one love
To break my heart
Only for me to end up with him

It took one love
To break my heart
Only for me to get beat by another

I thought being with him would distract me
From my once upon broken heart
Instead it ended differently

He called me pretty
Said no strings attached
Got me drunk

Now my head aches
From being slammed against the wall
Atleast the finger prints on my back are gone

It took one love
To break my heart
To make me realize I don't need a man

I am happy
I gaze at the stars
I sing in the shower

It too one love
To break my heart
Only to let me find true happiness

I didn't love you
I thought I did
I thought I needed you

when only all I needed was a hand to hold when I'm in tears
and for a light to guide me in my darkest nights.

It took one love
To break my heart
Only to let me realize that I needed my mother

I want my lungs to refuse oxygen
I want blood to stop flowing through my veins
I want my heart to stop beating

I want my body to be motionless
I want my body to say goodbye
I want my body to decompose

I want to leave this world
I want to no longer hear
I want to no longer have a voice

I want to hold a gun in my mouth
I want to pull the trigger
*I want to **** myself

I want to know what it's like to love someone
Of course I've been captured by someone's heart
Enveloping my heart with there's
But I never truly loved someone

I've never seen fireworks when I kiss
I've never had my heart race into an impossible speed
I've never actually wanted to hold hands
I've never been okay with looking back into someone's loving eyes

I've never loved someone

I've never been captured by someone's heart
Enveloping my heart with theirs
and sealing the envelop shut
I've never loved someone
But I'd like too

I've seen too many bad things. I want too change.

As much as I hate to admit
Long ago
In chapters far before this one
I was addicted
And let's not forget
How much I miss the
Oh so wonderful taste
Of alcohol lingering in my mouth

At one point in my life
I was a grenade
Waiting for the perfect moment
To destroy everything that I loved

At this point in my life
I am a sun
Waiting to shine bright
To make the darkness disappear

*Everything is finally falling into place.

I will crumble
I will fall
and I will not stand again
But I will see
I will hope
and I will fly to a better infinity

I wish I was beautiful
Not because I want attention from boys
Not because I want spread my legs open to every man I see

I want to be beautiful
So then I can be confident about myself
So then I don't have to worry about being cheated on
So then someone will love me

I wish this poem was my life
Poems never die
When you write it
It eventually ends
But you can always reread it
Because it'll always be there

I wish this poem was my life
Poems never die
It's a page filled with words
And once words are said
You can't take them back
They don't die

I wish this poem was my life
Poems never die
It's like a tree
The roots are stuck in the ground
And branches spread out and wrap around us
Keeping us warm with a blanket of leaves

Oh that sweet warmth
Oh it's simply just so wonderful
There's no bitterness at all
It's simply a perfect warmth everyone desires

This poem is kind
This poem is gentle
This poem is warm

My like is cruel
My life is painful
My life is cold

I wish this poem was my life
**Poems never die

Sitting on a chair
The color of yellow
Made if plastic and metal

Wearing tight ripped skinny jeans
With warm snug boots
That just so happenly to be planted upon a table

Widow by my left side
Giving view of a chilly day
Blue sky painted with gray clouds
And trees filled with branches and no leaves

Tick tock tick tock
Says the clock on my right side
Time is too slow
This class is too long
Just another ordinary boring day at school

Life is hurricane
It never goes my way
Always being destructive
And ruining ****

Im ******
Ready to say my goodbyes
Thought life was supposed to be majestic

No!
Instead it's a heartache
Why do these things happen?
Such wonderful people dyeing
And such terrible people living

Such deep animosity
I had that
I strongly disliked everything
I was also apprehensive, incompatible, implacable and timid
I had no condulences

In that time in my life
I was caged
Locked into a world
Forced to live a life
I did not want to live
But now I am free
And I shall soar of the wings of an eagle
Until darkness enslaves me
And then in that moment
I will turn to ash

Living in fear
You are not here
Arms bleeding
Take my life
I don't care

Living in fear
You are not here
Knees to ground
I hate everything
It feels so cold

Living in fear
You are not here
Not going to bother
I'm screaming
Not one can hear

Living in fear
You are not hear
Wished I would die
Becoming a zombie
Broken dream are forgotten

Living in fear
You are not hear
Not moving on
I don't need to be hear
Life is regretful

Everyone complains
How you treat me
So wrong
No love
No care
No nothing
Yet when faced
You lie about me
To make yourself
Look good
Before I still
Looked up to you
Because you are my father
But now
**You've lost all respect

Is not real
For it isn't anything but an idea
Which humans have created in the mind
Forever painting it so they have something to look forward too
But in reality all you'll have is oxygen to keep you going

That smile of his
Makes my heart melt
Reminds me of magic
That rain once held

Those eyes of his
Makes my heart melt
Reminds me of the burning fire
That the sun once held

Those lips of his
Makes my heart melt
Reminds me of love
That the world once held

Oh Darling
My sweet love
You've stolen
The magic from the rain
The fire from the sun
The love from the world
And given it to me
I could never ask for more

This distance between us
This broken heart of mine
This hole I keep feeling
Hurts me more then the blade
The blade I pierce into my wrist

I've been missing you
My hearts been missing
As well as my soul

You created me
Made the happy person I was
Then your lips opened
To the women whom carried you in her whom

I was weak
I couldn't handle the pressure
So I let go

But I've been missing you
My hearts been missing
As well as my soul

Death shall be my greatest achievement.

You make nothing into something
You argue about little things
You get angry over something so small
You make simple things difficult
You are very controlling
To be honest your just a ****
Everybody says I should leave you
That you don't treat me right
But what they don't understand is that
your my ****
And even though you do all these things
I can't help but smile when you argue with me
Your face when your mad
The way your voice gets higher when you yell
I can't help but laugh
Your just so adorable

Oxygen doesn't seem to like me
And I cant seem to like it
I wish for my lung to close up
I wish for a rope to wrap around my throat
I wish for knife to rip my heart
I wish to say goodbye to this life
life
Its so painful
I cannot bare
I cannot think
All I can do is hurt myself
While in process of gluing the pieces of my broken heart

My heart is pathetic
Why it still beats is a mystery
People don't understand
How much I hate myself
Or the way the thought of cutting my throat brings joy to me
I wish today was my last day
Oxygen is the enemy
Death is the beginning
I don't wanna go to heaven
Allow me to say hello to hell
So then I won't have to hurt myself
The demons with in me will burn me
Pain forever taking me
Soul painted black
My heart is pathetic