Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
My mind is it's own person
Always taking control of it's thoughts
Being careless of my feelings
Not knowing it's thoughts effect my weakening soul
I'll never forget how each night I lay awake
As my mind forcing me to see myself trapped
Trapped with in a dark forest
I can feel the vines wrap around my body pulling me
It pulls my soul into nothing
And when I scream
No one comes
Because no one cares
My mind is it's own person
And reminds me each night
That I am alone
And in that moment my heart knows
To always be shielded
And in that moment I smile
Because even though I'm sad
I know that I'm protected
It may sound pathetic
But that moment when I'm alone
Outside in the dark
With a longboard beneath my feet
And the wind blows through my hair
As I cruise down the pavement
I feel as if I'm flying
It's like everything just starts to get quiet
And I'm only aloud to appreciate that small moment of freedom
My name is Lonely
And I hate people
Because my social anxiety holds me hostage

My name is God
And I hate my creator
Because the temple he built for me is ugly

My name is Depression
And I hate happiness
Because it regected me so many times before

My name is Anxeity
And I hate to fear
Because I am afraid of living

My name is ****
And I hate my body
Because men sexualize it

My name is Nothing
And I hate everything
Because everything is something
I wish
I could go up
And
Not come down
It is so hard being with you
When knowing you are a man of the army
I fear that one day you will leave
One day you will leave and never return

We've known each other for such a short time
So I cannot say I love you
But i can promise you one thing
I can promise that if you ever leave

I will always be here... *waiting for you
I'm a hypocrite
A *****
A criminal
And a mistake

Those are the thoughts of my peers
I'm forever stuck between wanting to agree with them and wanting to disagree because I know the truth
But knowing the truth can mean so little when compared to lies others are blinded by
I strive for a great escape.
I fear that one day my life will be controlled by substances
It's sad to say that I put myself in these situations
But my body yearns to feel numb and I know of no other way to make the pain go away
Maybe not feeling is okay but my bad choices could conflict badly on something amazing in my future
To decide which is more important and at the same time not allowing my body to be over taken by drugs is difficult
I always thought I was strong and this is my test
It will define the person of whom I will become and if I fail then I apologize
I apologize to the future me because I know you will suffer
And I know happiness will not be an option for you
As I am writing this poem
I sit alone...
In a messy room upon a messy bed
I'm trying to write the emotions of my crumbled heart
And answer the questions I shouldn't have to ask myself

Whats wrong with me?
Why am I unloved?
Why do I push people away?
Why am I not enough?
Why am I the one who hurts?

I feel as if I'm the forgotten puzzle peice
The peice no one knows is missing
And that there can't even describe what I am feeling
My heart yearns to be noticed
But instead it's left to be bitter and cold

I feel the need to claw at my skin
Shovel tears out of my eyes
Maybe then I won't cry anymore
From all the loneliness
That seems to envelope my soul

Is it too much to ask to be loved?
If it is then I'll continue to sit here alone
In a messy room upon a messy bed
Trying to write the emotions of my crumbled heart
And answer the questions I shouldn't have to ask myself
My heart
Has no love
You cant destroy what was never there

Your heart
Has love
You make me laugh
You make me sick
Love is nothing but a camouflage of what resembles ragging in

My smile was taken long ago
I am to dark to care
I thought I'd tell you
My heart is a mist of darkness
Just incase you didn't know

You'll always forget me
But
Even with a dark heart
Even with no love
I'll always beg
Beg for you to
forget me not

I cannot love you
For I have no love
So please pack your bags and leave
But don't let me know
I'll sip my alcohol and slit my throat
I know I'm doing wrong, yet I continue to anyways.
What would happen if "mistakes" had no existence?
I'm sitting in the middle of the street
And it's as if no one can see me dying
My heart beats so slowly
And it's on the verge of completely stopping
Could you please drown out the voices attacking me?
The voices are dragging me under

I just want someone to see me
And all my broken pieces flooding the place I love
Can't you see me breaking?
No you can't and it's killing me more each day
Can't you see everything is gone?
No you can't and it's killing me more each day

I'm sitting in the middle of the street
And it's as if no one can see me dying
My heart beats so slowly
And it's on the verge of completely stopping
Could you please drown out the voices attacking me?
The voices are dragging me under
She is cold, pale, wet and tired.
She is the same on the inside as she is the outside,
and she will forever stay that way.

Maybe she could be something more.
Except something stands in her way.
You and everyone else that surrounds her.

She is popular.
She has friends.
She makes mistakes.
She is not forgiven.

Maybe if she didn't make mistakes then they would see.
They would see how true and pure she really is.
That is only a dream of hers.
A dream that shall not come true.

She then stares at a sink of blood and crushed veneers.
What has she become?  
She used to be filled with love.
It must of been skinny love.
Love that was fragile, love that did not last.

She looks at her reflection in the mirror and sees nothing.
Then she soon realizes that it’s always been nothing.
She’s been stuck between four walls with no doors, and no windows.
In those walls there is nothing and she is nothing.
This is my first poem. I apologize if it's not good. I have just got the interest in writing poems and I have a lot to learn.
Once upon a time
There was a girl
Who made mistakes

She was imperfect
She was judged
She was weak

She's the type of girl with a lot of secrets
The kind she wished she could tell

Like the night so long ago
She was only 15
Just wanted to have fun

She's called a *****
For losing her virginity to a 24 year old
She just wanted to have fun

But what people don't know
What secret she buries deep inside
Is she didn't want to

But in her mind
Being remembered as a *****
Is better then being remembered as the girl who got rapped

Once upon a time
There was a girl
Who made mistakes

She was imperfect
She was judged
She was weak
No one should feel sorry for her. It was her own fault. This is what she got for being an alcoholic at the age of 15.
Your love is so opulent and rare
I can't help but gape at the thought
The thought of that love being mine
When other girls must gibe at the thought
The thought of that love belonging to another
I must say
Before you my emotions were unkempt
They weren't properly maintained
And to be honest I'm not even sure what my emotions even were
I even think I was too tentative to want to know
And even though I was unkempt and tentative
I often found myself being stolid at times
I was being stolid and unresponsive to my emotions
But stolid was something I used
Yes that's right I used it
I used it to guise my emotions
I used it as a cover a mask to keep my emotions hidden
Not now
Not anymore
Now I have fortitude towards my emotions and it's all because of you
You took your opulent and rare love and used it as a grenade to break my four walls I worked so hard to build
Alone and forgotten
Like a crumbled sheet of paper
Until I found you
With your goofy laugh and charming heart
Your love locked me down
Enslaving me in a forever happiness with your tender lips and embracing arms
Sometimes fear appears
Thoughts of loosing your love
Thoughts of not being enough
But life goes on and at the end of the day
My heart beats with yours
my eyes admire you as you admire me
And our last words are always
I love you
People see her smile
But not her eyes
People refuse to look at them
Because they don't care that her heart is ill
Or that her being within is damaged
A place of darkness covers me inside
I open my eyes and see that black is painted, stained on these four walls
I was keeped close in a corner where my hands are found chained
Chained to the darkness
The darkness that shall not set me free

Why did you put me here?
I have done nothing wrong
Yes I've made mistakes and yes I am imperfect, but so are you

The darkness thickens and the chains tighten
I feel my insides burn in everlasting flames
I have not done wrong
I am true and loving

Pour water for me please
Break these chains for me please
Turn a light on for me please
1:27am
September 1st
I just read something I did not want to read
You feel useless
You feel like nothing
Please lover
Why didn't you tell me?
I am not an almost lover of yours
I am your lover
My heart beats only for you
You've given me a ring
That sits on my left hand
Placed in the only figure with a vane leading to my heart
Please lover
Why didn't you tell me you felt like giving up?
I am yours
And you are mine
I never ask you for anything
But I would like it if you told how you feel
Please lover
Is that too much to ask?
Dont be mute
1:27am
September 1st
I just read something I did not want to read
You feel useless
You feel like nothing
Please lover
Why didn't you tell me?
Lover sadness givingup silence mute
Alcohol will always
Love me

Alcohol will always
Feed me
My desires

It is necessary
To say
That alcohol
Will always
Satisfy me
With it's
Undying
Death-defying
Numbness
That it
Shoots through my
Body
Oh so wonderfully
I have been frozen in same place for so long.
It used to be beautiful
Filled with love and joy

Then I ruined it.
I let too many of my tears fall.
So many that this place flooded.

I can feel myself weakening
Just like this place
Pour a little salt and I was never here
I think it's important to me soft hearted
Without soft hearts
No one would be given help
No one would be cared for
Some people can be to cruel
And bitter

I like to think everyone has a bitter side though
Just like I like to think everyone has a soft side
I think it's important to be both
So everyone is helped
And everyone knows to be bitter when in a current situation
But you should never be bitter to the helpless
And you should remember that our actions that are seen and heard of is what defines us
A long time ago
When rain was music
And the sun was magical
People fell in love with someone's words

In this time
The rain is just rain
And the sun is just the sun
People fall in love with someone's looks
Stars remind me of hope
It's like they are painted upon the sky each night just for me
And even though I know stars fall
It never seems like they really do
It seems as if they stay perfectly placed in a black mist
Like it's the one thing that's good and never goes away
The one happiness that does last forever
I've let my heart get torn
My soul get drowned
But I still always kept hope in finding happiness
Guess I'm not completely broken
But I'm still broken
I can't stop thinking about it
My body is filled with confusion
My heart barley beats
They say they took advantage of me
Yet I remember nothing

I can't stop thinking about it
My mind is filled with uncertainty
The time is not rememberable
They say they took advantage of me
Yet I tell myself it's a lie
Talking to me
Not even noticing
That I've been crying
The stars
Are the reflection of our love
They shall burn
Like the fire in the sun
Shine like the light across the land and sea

Tell me my lover
Do you think of me?
As I do you
Tell me my lover
Do you care for me?
As I do you

Lets let the ocean
Washup the shore
Soaking the sand
With the blood from our hearts

We've waited so long
Distance is wrong
But our hearts are strong

Tell me my lover
Do you think of me?
As I do you
Tell me my lover
Do you care for me?
As I do you
If they knew what she did behind closed doors
When the lights were off
And there were no sounds

If they knew what she did with the blades
When she is sad
And feels so alone

If they knew what she did with the fire
When she was in pain
And she wanted to hurt more

*Their minds would change
Once there was an old man
He had great fortune
Everything was handed to him
No matter what
He always got what he wanted
But he also had nothing

65 years to life
He lived alone
In the many homes he owned across the world
Married four times
And Luckily had one daughter
Unfortunately she hated him

65 years to life
He had cancer
He was dyeing
and was dyeing alone
He said "Its better dyeing alone. That way its quiet. That way you don't have to watch your loved ones watch you die. That is if you have loved ones."

With only weeks left to live
He told his nurse he wanted one thing before he left
He wanted to kiss the most beautiful girl in the world
His nurse only gawked at him
and asked "How do you plan on doing that?"
He didn't know, but he believed he would

Days left to live
He decides he wants to see his daughter one last time
Hoping and praying for the first time
That she'll see him

A door bell
sitting.. waiting
for him to ring
He reached slowly
Counts to three and then rings it
A girl of sun golden hair approaches
Right before she shuts the door without a word
A child of 5 years to life comes running in
She smiles up at him
He says nothing
and then kneels down and kisses her cheek as she hugs him
In that moment
He was infinite
In that moment
He was loved
In that moment
He wasn't alone
In that moment
He wasn't dyeing
In that moment
He was *The man who kissed the most beautiful girl in the world.
I don't know
What's wrong with me
I'm weak
I'm tired
I'm shaking

I don't know
What's wrong with me
I'm not feeling happy anymore
I just don't understand
Everything is going right

I have someone who loves me
I'm doing excellent in school
My friends are great
Yet..
I am broken on the in side

My heart isn't whole
It bleeds tears
Cries out
And no one hears

Crying
Crying
Crying
For so long
Not even I have noticed
And it's my broken heart

I don't know
What's wrong with me
I think I'm going insane

Give me stitches
Too patch up these holes
Give me band aids
Too cover these wounds
Get me a dentist
Too take these cavities
So then there will be no pain
And I will feel **nothing
I like to think that each star collects a moment
A moment that we have
So then they can tell stories
Wouldn't it be nice to have a statue of us?
So then we could place it in the stars
It would be amazing
At night everyone would look at the stars
And you know what they'd see?
They'd see **the story of us
They are so thirsty for me
The men I mean
They're like vampires that have been forced to starve
You'll never know which is thirstiest for my blood

The soft ones will soon back down
They'll quickly realize how my eyes show no sign of joy
My heart does not contain love
And my mind is over taken by the thoughts of death and ***

The others with stay
For they don't care about how broken a girl is
They'll only ever worry about how perky my breast are and how lustful the sight of my *** is
Maybe even see the brokeness as an easier way to take advantage
Intending to go to church
Intended on going for a while
Life's too busy
Busy reading, doing school work
Keeping an high education
Sleepless nights
Moody days
Poisonous blood rushing through my veins
Grass to my lips
Misty smoke lumped in my throat
Fulfilling taste of alcohol
Consumed by darkness
No loved felt heart
No God in my life
At least I'm making straight A's
Doing good in school
Allows people to think everything's okay
*Someone save me
I was only 10 years old
You were 23
I lived with my great grandmother
Oh how she loved me

You were my big cousin
I was your little cousin
I laughed and played
You called me in your room and touched me

I promised not to speak
I promised to keep it a secret
but some promises should break

I only told my best friend
We grew up together and
any secret of mine was a secret of hers
She promised not to tell
but she did anyways

She tried to keep it for a while
I swear
but then my school friends found out
They promised to keep it a secret too
but then they told the principle at school

She called for me
and I approached
"Cheyenne is what the girls told me true?"
I looked down
and cried
nodding my head
She hugged me
and told me to go to her office
I did

I sat there for a while
Eventually the police came
Then i talked
hours later the nurse was kind enough to give me a ride home

I know you are angry at me
but some secrets should break
You don't know what pain I've been through over this

One of my friends went against me
and told the whole class
and thought it was funny

I was taken away from my great grandmother
Oh how she cried when I left
and now i'm forced to live with my abusive father

Yet I have no petty for me
Your the one I feel sorry for
and this is my apology

I apologize that I put you in jail
I apologize that every night in your cell that man touches you
The same way you touched me

This is my fault
I should of kept my mouth shut
If I would of I'd still live with my great grandmother
Your mom wouldn't tell the family I lied about what you did to me
Then my family wouldn't hate and criticize me
I'd still be loved by the people I grew up around

Some may say you should apologize
Because your the one who touched me
Your the reason my family hates me
Your the reason I have no one

But I can't blame you
I'm too soft hearted
I can't hold grudges
Forgive me please
This is my apology
This madman's song
It vibrates through my veins
I feel pain

This madman's song
It bruises my pale skin
As we dance
Why do we dance

This madman's song
You love it so well
I close my eyes as we dance
But not softly
I close them tightly
As tears slither down the apples of my cheeks

This madman's song
It turns my pale skin to the color of black and blue

Why madman
Why do you hurt me

I am tired of dancing
My throat is soar from screaming
Are you happy now
You have won

Every bone in me is broken
Every inch of my pale skin is black and blue
Even my heart is shaded grey
It's filled with a mist where I've had no love

Finally

This madman's song is ending
My eyes are closed
But please no casket
I'd like to be ash
And poor me over the mountain tops
So then i can see the world
Laying in bed
Telling secrets
Asking questions
*I miss those days.
I don't remember friday night
I remember drinking
I remember telling people not to let anyone hurt me
Then I remember waking up with jeans on but no *******

Now I remember voices
Familiar voices telling me what happened
How those to guy went to the room I was passed out in
And took advantage of me

I'm tired of drinking and making mistakes
*Allow me to wake up from this horror
She made a mistake by getting too drunk
She was out having fun but it quickly ended when she blacked out
In the morning when she woke
She smelt of ***** and her ******* were missing*

She shouldn't of been so drunk
It's her fault
She should of made better decision
This is why you're not supposed to party
That's what she gets for drinking under age*

The things people have the nerve to say surprises me. Through out history people have always had a drink to celebrate or even to drink away the pain. Having a good day? Drink! Having a bad day? Drink some more! It's so common through out the world. People have been doing it for centuries. No matter what type of party you are at people are drinking to celebrate. Doesn't matter of it's wedding's or birthday party's. If it's a party there's alcohol. Everyone encourages drinking. Yet when something bad happens people say "Oh. He/she shouldn't of been drinking." ??? Excuse my language but today's society and the rest of society can *******. And what about the guy who was disappointed that he didn't get laid so he forced himself upon a defenseless, drunk girl? Oh wait that's right. It's okay because he wasn't drunk. And to think people get harsher sentences when caught with a joint.
I don't know you
And I don't know where you are
But this is to you
Because you are too beautiful
Too beautiful to be treated this way
You used to be unfeigned

He is virulent and turbulent
He gives no love or solace
He cannot amend

Does he feel better now?
Better for marking you?
Better for forcing you?
Better for treating you as if your nothing?
Better for extirpating you?

You are too beautiful
Too beautiful to be treated this way
You are majestic, altruistic, and genuine

Please darling
Please you majestic and mysterious women
Please take a deep breath
Stand tall
Be brave
And then..... be happy
Because you my friend
Are **too beautiful
You're strong. You're beautiful. You are enough.

no I'm not.

Let me hold you. Let me steal your tears. Let me heal you.

it's too late

**Sometimes you're too damaged to be saved. Sometimes love can't even heal you. Sometimes having a hand to hold isn't enough reason to live.
Drowning the sorrows of a crumbled heart
There sits a lonesome being
Moments of disasters stacked upon each other
There is now a building made of broken passion

But even then under all the chaos hope still flames
There is a fire of furriery that burns of strength and courage
The two keys to a better life
The two keys that will bring a being to an adventure to a happy life
There is two types of people
Those who show beauty
And those who hide it

Those who show beauty have nothing else to show
And those who hide it have something else within that they want people to see

I for one show my beauty
Because I know no one will take time to see the real me

Life is nothing but time
Everyone knows that
So why waste time out of your worthless life to see beyond someone's beauty?
I watched the night go by
Under a trillion stars
The sun comes creeping in
It makes me think of you

These walls stand between us
I stood so tall
As did you
It was not enough

I remember your laugh
I remember your gentle touch
I remember how divine the taste of your lips were
I remember under those trillion of stars we would dance
Dance to the song that explained what we had most

Now alone
I watch the night go by
Under a trillion stars
The sun comes creeping in
It makes me think of you
Days painted gray
Suffocating with forever darkness
Standing before a mirror
Bleeding cracks upon my wrist
Nails digging deep in my neck
Torn skin in search of happiness
Aching head banged against walls
Causing too much pain to myself

I am unfixable

Tears forever escape my eyes
Nose bleeds red tears
Too many Xanax's for me to bare
Not enough alcohol
Too numb the aching in my body

I am shaking
I am alone
I am ****** up
I am hurting
I am broken
I am angry
I am dissatisfied
I am insane
*I am unfixable
He sees her body
Not her sore tears
Or her forced smile
She's afraid and crying out
But he only sees her flushed pink lips
Not her unhealed scars
Or her numb heart
He's blinded by her beautiful appearance
He doesn't hear her screams
He's too focused on what her hands might do in the dark
He'd be disappointed to know they only turn on lights
Because the dark scares her
Just like happy faces and crowded places do
Moral of the story she's broken
Like shattered tempered glass
And she has an excellent disguise
Like chameleons in the trees
So to the world she's completely fine
You were born and
you stayed for a while.
Then the wind blew,
and you went with it.
You never fail to disappoint me

Everyday you remind me that I hate you even more than I did the day before

Your a pathetic excuse for a father

          *and I will be nothing like you
Imagine a girl
With her heart and soul
In complete darkness


That girl is me
Next page