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Nov 2020 · 459
Drowning
Makenzie Robison Nov 2020
I feel like I'm drowning
Nothing is good
I feel like I'm drowning and can't see
There is no light around me.
Nothing to focus on, nothimg to see
I can't breathe my chest is constricting
Feels like a snake is about to attack me,
I feel insane like nothing is worth it
Just want to crash and try not to avoid it.
I feel like I'm drowning and it hurts quite a bit
Drowning in sorrow and nothing else fits
Anger wells within me and I feel like a *****
I feel like I'm drowning .
I feel my lungs give up and I can't even breath
Feels like a car about to hit me
The adreline in my veins then it all goes black
Nothing matters to me anymore
I feel like I'm drowning
And it hurts me know
No raven can reach me
I'm too far in my head
I feel like the gods have abandoned me
I only see black there is no speck of light
It hurts me to know that,
I gave up on myself
Everything is blurry and goes in slow motion
Nothing is perfect and its me in the middle
Can't decide if I should try
Or just give up and die
It hurts me to see
That my face isn't me
This body is foreign and I can't see me
Everything is wrong and I don't know how to feel
All I know now is that I feel like I'm drowning.
Apr 2017 · 3.0k
2:00 AM
Makenzie Robison Apr 2017
At two in the morning your mind starts picking up speed like a train that was made in Japan but transplanted in America.
It goes faster than normal and only makes stops in two hours intervals that make you wish that you could that fast and never stop.
At two in the morning you wish that the world was as frozen as Antarctica but as warm as Africa.
You wish that the temperature never changed and that you could stay frozen in time like Captain America, until you feel like I'm freezing your heart and mind and moving forward again.
At two in the morning, I am usually asleep and dreaming about a place that exist only when you close your eyes and escape into the very thing that is your being.
The flowing rivers that make up your thoughts are rushing rapids that roil right there in front of you.
The mountains that make your heartbeat that surround your mind and make you have no second thoughts.
The very same mountains that cause you to dive head first into the endless lake you call your aura and drown in the feelings of everything at once.
At two in the morning, I don't usually write poetry.
But this morning in particular I have found that not only does inspiration strike at two but It strikes as fast as you have diarrhea.
Poetry is diarrhea of the head and the heart working together instead of against each other.
At two in the morning, you start thinking of things that couldn't have happened without meeting some people.
The same people who spend forever on one poem, and never finish others.
At two in the morning, you become real.
As real Pinocchio, who went from wood to human.
As really as the walls that you sometimes wish to bang your head upon and crack open that skull so some inspiration leaks out like egg whites into a bowl.
At two in the morning, my breathe becomes the air in which I never want to breathe in again.
It becomes the song that I refuse to listen to because it reminds me so much of what I'm missing and what I will never have.
At two in the morning it becomes dreams of finding someone. you love dead and a bullet in their head.
It becomes a broken down mindscape and a ragged heartbeat.
It becomes a demon who spreads lies and rumors about the ones you love.
At two in the morning you can find the beast that lurks at night waiting to fight like Jekyll and Hyde.
It becomes the one thing you never want to see among your dreams and among your thoughts.
At two in the morning, you find out that not only are you not living.
You are a husk of the person who you thought you where.

As two turns into three in the morning. you find yourself breaking down and crying out tears that sting your flesh.
You find yourself breaking in the most beautiful of ways and you find yourself wanting to be dead inside with no hope of being resuscitated.
At three in the morning your cocoon of hatred turns into a butterfly with broken wings and a scarred body.
At three in the morning you become a bird that soars in the air with nothing but when your next meal on your mind.

At three in the morning, I become something that scares me.
I become what I push underneath and hide away for all eternity.
At three in the morning I am building a protective circle of salt around my heart and my mind so that no evil spirit make break me and that no one can get to me.
I am building a brick wall so tall that I can't see the blue sky that I trapped in my eyes.
I built a wall so tall the the night trapped inside my hair cannot and will not be shown to me.
At three in the morning, I have become more broken by what isn't then what is.
By three in the morning I am a new person and none can change that.
By  the time I'm writing this line tears are trickling out of my eyes like mirrors reflecting the pain and lies that I have told myself.
Like the lake that is nothing more but a calming prayer in my wild life.
I am crying a year for all the wrong I have done to myself and to everyone around me.
at 3:18 am, I am regretting most decisions in my life.
I sometimes wish that my brain doesn't pick important days to keep me awake.
At three am you can find me laying down curled into a ball because it protects me from the pain of knowing that I'm not all that important.
Most of the time you can find me trying to find a way under my skin that doesn't involve a knife or nails.
In the earliest part of the morning you can find me trying to decide if I want to wake up today or stay asleep forever.

At three in the morning I have over come most of my reluctant thoughts to see that I am a beautiful flower with thorns that protect from grabby hands.
I have found that I hold all the oceans and the skies in my eyes.
I have found that I hold both the day and night in hair.
I have found that I hold the purest ivory in my skin and no one can take but me.
I have found that I wish to change the world through my poetry and myself through it too.

I have found that if I let myself wilt and die that I would just be another death that would hurt more people then it's worth.
Maybe that's why people write poetry at two in the morning.
Maybe that's why, I write poetry in two in the morning.
Because if I don't then I am wilting and giving up the will to live.

I have found that writing at two and three in the morning can clear your burdens more than anything else in the world.
Maybe that's why poets don't really sleep.
Poets just nap and then continue on with there life.
This is why I write at two in the morning.
Why do you?
Jul 2016 · 598
Hatred
Makenzie Robison Jul 2016
Arguments happen.
Only feuled by hatred.
Arguments happen
Only fueled by pain.

Arguments happen
When ever I'm around.
Arguments happen.
I can't stop them.

Every one around gets into arguments.
No matter the trouble.
But under it all is a hatred
Burning underneath as a feul.

I hate arguments
I hate them very much.
Yet nobody can see why.
Whenever unlock them out.
They just push them back in.

And every one wonders why I'm full of hatred.
Arguments.
That is your reason.
I'm really stuck and tires of arguments.
Wrote this because my "parents " are in a argument.
Jun 2016 · 462
Roses and Angels
Makenzie Robison Jun 2016
Roses and Angels.
Quite the username.
My beautiful babe.
With a head of beautiful hair.

Red, like the blood boiling inside my skin,
White, like the snow on the ground burying the old earth.
Red, like the wrath inside, where it's always been,
White, like the corner into which I have been swarmed by mirth.
Red, like roses in the spring that will now begin,
White, like the wings on which I'll fly for all they're worth.

The words on her pages
The words imprinted on my heart.
I love her eyes, and her mind.
I love her with me.
We are simply meant to be.

She broke down my fortress and made herself queen.
Just like we live in poverty.
I love my babe.
Just like the moon and the tides.
We have our phases and our time of meetings.
She is the boat, I am the dock.

She is the Angel.
I am the Rose.
Just like her user name.
For my one and only.
Jun 2016 · 421
Time
Makenzie Robison Jun 2016
Time, dime, grime.
Grime, dime, time.

Ryhmes with mine.

Silliness forgotten.
We don't have much time.
A little dash, holds our entire life.
Between two dates.
Our entire lives.

Right now, some one just died.
But another person was born.
The never ending circle of life.

Our time is limited.
We are not immortal.
We can't live forever.
But we can be reincarnated.

We could have past lives and never know.
Because we where given second chances.
We were given hope to make ourselves better.
We were given time.

Time

What better way to put it.
Then to get right to the point.
We don't have very much time.
Make the most out of it.
Just have the time of your life.
Jun 2016 · 1.7k
Emotions as I see Them
Makenzie Robison Jun 2016
Emotions, we all have them
To not, is to not be human.
But emotions are tricky to see
You gotta look at everything and everyone
Not just yourself

I can see emotions
Some are red and some are blue
I can see emotions
Some just make me wince and groan

I can see emotions clouding the air with life.
I can see emotions.
Happiness for me Floats around a daring red
Sadness for me hangs a heavy black.

Emotions are colors that change on how hard you can feel them
They cloud the air and can choke you. But only sometimes in your life.
For emotions are invisible but some have yet to say.
"I can see emotions as clear as day!"
For those people are frowned upon.

Knocked and beaten down.
I'm the same as you.
Though po pets write them differently
They are still emotions.
Whatever shall we do?

Anger is blue as blue as the sky
And misery is right for me because it also blue.
Anger and misery come hand in hand. The only difference that you have is the shading for only me.

All these emotions and only one exit.
The one that rules them all.
Only one exit and I like that exit.
Death and death alone can save you from your emotions.

Except for me.
I like them and I need them
The only normal thing in your life
I can only see my family and close friends.
A stranger's every time or two.
For I can see emotions.
And they can see me.
Jun 2016 · 625
The Uniting Of People
Makenzie Robison Jun 2016
Marriage is a blessing.
From Mother Earth and her Sister Moon.
They help combine two souls into one.
We all have a specific partner.
One destined from the start of our lives.

Loving another is a blessing.
A blessing bestowed upon the Earth and its people.
We all have these blessings and others to share it with.
They all wish that they found their other half.

For that is the uniting of two people.
Jun 2016 · 656
Why I write
Makenzie Robison Jun 2016
The reason I write is simple
Not for you, not for me
But for my mind
And my emotions

The reason I stopped is simple
Because of you, because of me.
My mind is numb
My emotions locked away

The reason I write is false
It is for you, it is for me
Not for my mind
Nor my emotions

The reason I sat down and wrote this
Isn't simple at all.
It's for me, not for you.
I wanted to remind myself of what I lost.

The reason I am here.
I'm here for you to judge and like
I'm here for you to judge and dislike.
Because we are humans

And that is why I write.
Just a simple poem.
Jun 2016 · 338
Sleep
Makenzie Robison Jun 2016
Snores echoing through the room
Hearts beating with a purpose
Time slipping slowly by.
Everyone sleeping with out a thought.

CRASH

A figure jolts up
Their heart beating faster
Pounding against their chest
Then they fall back asleep

Mroaw

A cat sits on the head board watching the figure
The cat moves to sit on their stomach
Amber eyes looking slowly at the figure
Their stomach rising and falling.

Hisses

The cat gets flung off
The figure screams
Screams from a bad dream.
All they wanted to do was sleep.
Not everyone has a good sleep.
Makenzie Robison May 2016
The sun floated in
The curtains drawn back
It slowly tossed over
Revealing scars running crisscrossed
Their back a canvas showing their life story
It's name is Darkness

It has suffered the most
Out of light and into dark.
The name carries many
To the the people who carve them selves up at night and pretend during day
With those that have lost all

This is Darkness Unveiled
Darkness that haunts every grave
Darkness that haunts every person
Some chose to ignore others embrace it
The scars on its back
Are the scars of the people.
People who had horrible things done to them

One person was abused they carry dark bruises that are blue and purple
One person has cuts self inflicted
Another has scratches and welts from trying to get the thoughts out
Then there are the ones who died
They gave up and succumbed to the darkness.

All they needed was a helping hand
A hand held out and pushed to all the people

Pain
Is whispered to all the people in the world.
If you can't see them then you are blind
You have succumbed to the darkness

The darkness is still there
Yet it is slowly going away
It is being replaced
A hand has appeared and it can drag you away
Away from the place that is hell.
Mar 2016 · 438
Freedom of words
Makenzie Robison Mar 2016
The words flow like blood
The pen being the heart
The paper the skin
Once there was a girl
Who knew the words of all
But once they just disappeared...

Makenzie do you still write poetry?
Yeah!

No... I haven't in a while...

Makenzie do you have any ideas?
Yeah!

No, I haven't for a while....

Hey Mak want to read this poem? Maybe write one with me?"
Sure!

No, I haven't wanted to write for a while....

Why are you crying?
It's nothing

No, I wanted to cry for a while...

Why are you always so angry?
Because I can be.

I don't want to let you see the broken me...
No, I am not always angry only for a while...

What happened to the sweet Mak?
She got killed a while ago.

No, She just went and hid for a while....

Are you done being a b$$$h?
I suppose.

No, how else do I show how I feel?

All these words wander around my head.
No way to get free.
FREE From the prison I trapped them in!
NO WAY TO LEAVE!
But the world is a mean place
I just happened to adapt rather easily
I bent into the perfect American!
But wait one tiny flaw.
I turned out to be a Witch!
No seriously I love earth!
Wiccans are not demons!

What do you have to say?
Quit being mean to your siblings.
Why are you being nice all of a sudden?*
WHEN DID IT BECOME A CURSE?
A curse that no matter what you do,
Your family finds a flaw

My fatal flaw was being born...
OR at least they make it seem that way!
So I will give my words the Freedom they deserve.

I will write poetry yet again.
I have made my choice and now I am thinking ahead.
Mar 2016 · 466
Tiger/Warrior
Makenzie Robison Mar 2016
I am a warrior
I am fierce and fast
I strike and don't think twice
No one dares face me
Everybody wants to be..... like me

Yet I am a tiger
I live in solitude and misery.
Most don't notice how I act
For I am gone without a trace

When I find my mate I laugh
When they die I cry
This is my curse I carry
But some say I marry
I marry to my curse.

I once felt
I felt everything and nothing
I once felt the way that people feel
Then I got kicked down and down
I *** shoved to rock bottom

I once felt the love of humanity touch;
Then I felt the sting of humanity's cuts.

I once was a warrior;
Now I am a tiger.

I once was a girl;
Now I am a speck of dirt.

I once belonged;
Now I am in the trash.

I once was wild;
Now I am tamed.

I once was somebody;
Now I am nobody.
Jan 2016 · 425
Yet Here I stand
Makenzie Robison Jan 2016
Makenzie pay attention
This is how to be a lady
Is what I am expected to be.
A Lady who is just a dog on a leash
But I am a storm that has been unleashed
Grandma Lucy I am a person not a dog
I yell.

Now she has sat in the corner
Oh I am so scared
Yet here I stand
Wandering why she sent me to the corner
Like I care if she is my grandma
She tells me that I am going to Hell
Hell doesn't scare, Heaven does
No one knows what will happen to you up there
Yet in Hell you either get tortured or you do the torturing

Yet here I stand
In this stupid corner
Cursing my Grandma
She thinks she is young.
But don't you only get older?
Makenzie you can come out of the corner if you act like a lady.*
I don't act like a lady because I am not weak.
I would yell
Respect my elders my ****
I respect people who respect me
I don't respect someone who tells me that I am going to hell for liking both genders
Last I checked we can't control that
So I will stand in this corner
I will disobey
Because that is what a lady is
A person to do what she wants
I am not a dog
I will not bow down before your will
So good luck

Yet this corner is imprinted in my mind
Because of how many times
I had to stand there
So yes
I have a corner in which my skeletons lie
Not in a closet but in plain sight
Corners are bad
Yet here I stand
Till I get free
But that is just a dream
I will fuel the fire
By completing my desires.
So for now I will Stand in the corner.
Or until I become a *Proper Lady
Jan 2016 · 797
Mental Illness
Makenzie Robison Jan 2016
My body is shaking
Words are spinning
Its all in my head
That's what they say
I can be an actor
I can play the part
The part of a girl who doesn't battle Depression
Of the girl who doesn't hate herself and her body
I can play the part well.

I mean no one notices me when I smile all pretty
I can play the part
Of a girl who has no mental illness
Who is not scared that one day she will break
And no one can fix her
Yet everyone looks at me
Like I am a painting on display.
I am covered in figurative blood
My mind made it appear
Its all over the walls

I can play the part of a innocent little girl,
Well I already do.
But all you see is my anger
I cover up my broken prices.
I swept them under the rug...
Do you think they can still exist?
Well of course they do.
Why did I ask that stupid question..
I ask a lot of stupid questions.

But the dumbest question ever asked is
Are you okay?
I want to say I'm not
But instead say
Everything is fine and dandy
But I'm gripped by fear..
I am afraid of everything
I am mostly scared of breaking
I mean the cracks are getting bigger
You will be fine
The voice in my head says
It talks like I am a piece of meat waiting to be inspected.

I have mental illnesses that cause me to be wacky.
I have bad feelings.
They make me want to cause destruction.
I do, cause destruction
I make cuts on my arms
And cuts on my legs
And cuts on my stomach to.
But the cuts on my heart are the ones that people cant see
They are the ones that hurt the most.
In fact they make me who I am

Mental Illnesses are nothing to laugh about
You don't know what they went through
It makes me crazy thinking the possibilities of being sent to a mental hospital
But yet it makes me smile
I could be free
Free of the chains that hold me down
I am already crazy
The hospital can't change that
They can only lessen it.
So yes
A mental Illness
Isn't fun but they push through and fight against it.
They are the winners
The ones who beat a mental illness
They have won there battle in life.
I am just beginning mine.
Dec 2015 · 3.1k
Wolf
Makenzie Robison Dec 2015
A majestic beast that runs on four legs
A wolf will stand tall when a good leader comes along.
A wolf is humble
But oh so very proud
The wolf will not stand to be kicked when he is down

A poet is a person who stands on two legs
With two arms to pick up things
We are just sheep without a second thought
when  a wolf comes running up and picks us off.
What happens to that sheep no one knows

A pack is a great place to be
Yet only when the wolves all get along
Some packs don't accept a lone wolf
Others are packs mostly made from rogues, yet
Everybody looks down on wolves
But they never tell them no

A tiger and lion have performed in a circus
But have you ever seen a wolf in the circus?
No you probably haven't
For they are too prideful for that

Poets are like a pack of wolves on a hunt
The hunt that takes them through the jungle of words
They try to catch the catch of the day
"A poem"
That's the catch.
When they get back a  lone wolf is standing with a limp tail
They surround the wolf with love and admiration.
The wolf grows to be strong and proud and surrounds itself with a pack

I was once the lone wolf with a limp tail
You guys were the pack that were so strong and prideful
I stood in the middle my legs all shaking
You guys shrouded me with love and turned me into a majestic beast
With skills still untouched.
My life was fixed.
Dec 2015 · 511
Belle
Makenzie Robison Dec 2015
Hello My name is Belle
Which usually stands for beautiful in French
Nothing about me is beautiful
My body is fat
My hair to long
My eyes to wide
My mouth to narrow
My life to long

I have a adopted brother who shot up his school and himself
My mother shot herself
Now I live my two siblings and a father who doesn't want me
My life has been turned to a dump
Now I have a bump
It's on the back of my head
A bully gave it to me
It doesn't hurt
At least not anymore
I am sitting in class
My life was passing by in a blink of an eye
Yet all I had to show was two dead family members

I can dance at my house with a smile on my face
Though it's not really home
With its run down shutters and yellow trim
It's made of brick that is a ugly yellow brown
Kind of like my blond hair
Which says I am not apart of this browned hair family
My real mom went MIA
My entire life
She left me alone

I have more bruises
My pain is real
My mother told me that it is all to real
I am not supposed to be here
At least not anymore
I was always told to follow the lead
I have my lead

I packed a pistol in my bag
It's not noticeable
I smile every day
Except today it is just cruel
My eyes look at my targets
A teacher and three students
The third student looks at me
I stand in front a mirror

I walk into class with a big smile and light heart
For the first time in forever
I am truly happy
I glanced at my teacher
Then two of my friends
I pull out the pistol
And I shoot at the teacher
Then at my friends
I see blood splatter on the wall
I see blood on my dress
Oh well
My life will be complete

I will turn out just like my family
Broken and ****** and a bullet in my head
I know what I'm doing
My mother once said that life is what you want it to be
I want mine to be over
People say
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
I think suicide is the way to go
My family taught me that

Oh look the cops are coming through the door
Time for me to say goodbye
I have had my fun
Now its time to go
To this place
I call home
I put the gun up to my head and pull back the trigger
I hear
Click, Click, Click
The sound of almost there
Then I feel the bullet enter my head and I am no more
The news will love this
I get to be famous....
Me and my sister were working on this. I just wrote it so comment what you think...
Dec 2015 · 449
Why Do I Hide?
Makenzie Robison Dec 2015
I hide from myself
If I dont think I won't breathe
I won't die
Why are you hiding?
A simple question
Thousands of answer appear
From my "Family"
From myself
From my fear
From my work or school
From my friends
From the world
My answer is;
I'm not hiding
What are you talking about

I can't face the people who I love
I can't even face myself
They ask me again:
Why are you hiding?
Who said I was hiding huh?
Does it look like I'm hiding?
Is it visible
I think to myself
Oh if only
I wasn't hiding
I sneak around in plain sight
I'm the shadow always overlooked
They don't pay attention at all
Well you got your answer
I'm hiding from facing the world like an adult
I'm hiding from myself
I'm hiding from my family
I'm hiding from my thoughts
I'm hiding from the person who asked why I'm hiding
Have you noticed that I'm not talking anymore
I barely watch television with you
I'm looking down at a small electronic device
Hoping to disappear into it
All because you made feel like crap
Like I'm a price of gum under your show
"Why aren't you doing your chore?"
Is almost like
"Why are you hiding from me?"
I'm hiding from everything
And everyone
Can't you tell
I'm living in hell?

Lies all the lies
Sleeping in one cave
Then they slither out
To poison more peoples minds
All at once
Which is why I hide
All the pain
Pain of love
Pain of life
Pain of family and friends
It's the reason I hide

You can notice the shadows dancing around
Just like a flame stuck in a jar
It
Burns
With
Fire
This is why I hide.
Dec 2015 · 3.2k
My misery
Makenzie Robison Dec 2015
Can you answer my question?
No no you can't
You have tried and tried
I have tried to help you
To the best of my ability
If only you trust me
I have lost all my hope
Especially for you
If only you wouldn't treat me like cap
If only I would've listened

My misery is real
My misery is life
My misery male you smile
My misery make you you..
My misery is gone
I left you for someone better
But you left me
I just found my love
I'm sorry
For my misery is me
And you can't break me
I'm invincible and real
I'm almost like Hercules
And then I turn to Brutus

I stabbed my misery
Just like Brutus
Et tu brute
Then fall Caesar
Caesar is just like my misery
Only I'm not sorry for killing him
Aw yes if only you would have listened
To the wolf
That whispered in your ear

Kind of like a birdy
Yet more deadly
My misery was blind
And weak
And I was strong
Powerful
Invincible

My might was stronger than yours
And them I slew him
For my misery was wrong
It had enslaved me
I won
I'm a winner
And I can't be beat
No one will rise against me
For I'm Caesars reincarnated body
I rule with love and honesty

But now my misery is back
It's weak
My love is real
My misery is fake

I notice my sister
Her words echo
That's why no one likes you
Just stop picking on her brat
That's all that's matters
My siblings now
They are the wolves whispering in my ear
But they are not my misery
My misery is caged in the back of my mind
That's why I love my sisters
They protect me and make me humble
That's why my misery is gone

MY MISERY IS GONE
IT'S SAVED AND WE ARE HAPPY
Inspired by Shakespeare "the tragedy of Julius Caesar"
Dec 2015 · 2.1k
Figurative Or Not?
Makenzie Robison Dec 2015
My pain is a small blessing
kind of like a small child
In this degrading world
People dodge battles by keeping their mouths shut
Ah yes a simple ideal

One person curse out load another in their head
A head that can hold a thousand thoughts
But one is what pops out
Is it figurative or not?
My arms are held open by miles of air
Just waiting to be filled
My heart desires to be pumping blood
Like a runners whose is in first place
Then just like that it gets its wish
My arms are full of love not air

I dance in my head with beat in the back
A romantic melody that sways my blood
Even though my heart is dead
my brain picks up the speed instead
And as I dance in this place
I watch as I see his face
A face of wonder
And a though pops out
is this figurative or not?

I can see my pain run around with little leashes
On the leashes is a different emotion
Happy in blue
Sadness in red
Anger in black
Sanity in white
My pain stands runs with a yellow color
My fear hangs in the back ground all the time
I dance in between as to not step on the others
They weave themselves a web
Me trapped in the middle
I bow before my pain in half bow
Some would say I obey it
But it obeys me
I let it loose and I pay the price

My pain is a small blessing
In this small degrading world
In which if you don't bow down and obey
Some one gets terribly offended
A person told me that
If you throw a rock its bound to  hit someone who is offended by every little thing
If only people let me pass by in a world of silence
In my eyes the only thing I see is peoples aura..
Some are yellow
Some are red
And some are grey
My favorite are rainbow
They remind me of me
Full of pain but of happiness to
Ah yes
My simple ideal
Who know I was so tragic
Yet I snatched away the chance to run
From
Is it figurative or not?
My pain isn't real
My body doesn't exist
My mind is decaying
Along with the lump of flesh
I call my body

My pain is figurative
My lifeless eyes are not
Yet only in my life would the pain belong
Aye
My tone for this poem is quite mysterious
If only one knew my darkest secret
But its mine
The key is gone
It's locked away
The key you ask
Is it figurative or not?

I play a little game
You dance a slow dance
Around the circle of despair
Lies a body of a bear
The brown fur is all that's left
The poor beast
I have a game a simple game
You have to Win to get the key
The key is the prize
It locks away my emotions besides happy
Ohh noooo
You can't give me that look
My heart is like a ruined book
The pages stuck together with gum
I act just like a ***
If only I knew a place with a fixer

My pain is a small child
Looking at the world full of hope
But it gets degraded and stepped on
I try and try and try some more
My pain has lost its spirit
If only I had tried to give it
More hope and less agony
Maybe then I could be free
Just like a bumble bee.
Nov 2015 · 857
A Rope, A Knife, or A Gun
Makenzie Robison Nov 2015
Three options
A Rope
A Knife
A Gun

I pick up the rope
make a not and tie it on the tree branch
Lets not do this
I grab the rope and take the knife
I slit both  of my wrist
I grab the gun and contemplate
Do I want to do this?
In the distance I see a light
My night in shining armor
My wounds all heal and they all disappear

Then I'm in a concrete room
A single light bulb positioned
Right above a beaten and bruised body
I feel the smile on my lips
I pick up the knife
Then bite it so i can
Tie the rope around his leg.
I slowly cut into his leg and he screams out in agony

Then I'm back at my tree
All that remains is a stump
I take the gun and lean on the stump
I put the gun up to my head
I used the knife and the rope
Now all i have left is a gun
I start to pull back the trigger but I look up and my mom stands there shaking her head
I stop
I realize this isn't what I was meant for

Now I'm surrounded by white
A place in a area not meant to be seen
No company was written on the top of the door
I have a desk in the corner and papers covered with drawings
Then the door opens and the light outside blinds me.
They turned me into a animal
I continue to sit on my bed.
I have the blankets wrapped around me
But feel no comfort
I see a hint of the color black
They drop them and its an all black outfit
My blues eyes light up
I survived
All my pain had evaporated within that year of white walls.
But a new one appeared
I missed my family

I walk out of the hospital with a hat that was red and had St Louis Cardinals on it
I wore a pair of sunglasses and a shirt that said network security
and a pair of regular black pants.
I see them all standing in the distance.
My family that never deserted me
Then life went on like nothing happened
I was finally truly happy.
I wrote this in a point of view who had a hard life.
Oct 2015 · 2.3k
Family
Makenzie Robison Oct 2015
My family isn't perfect
But yet it is perfect
We fit with each other like puzzle pieces
And more come together
We are snugger than a bug
We will always stay together
No matter how hard life may be.

Yes we annoy the crap out of each other
Yes we fight
But arguments happen
and we move past them
Yet someone comes and tries to break us apart
They nearly succeed and
They never face the punishments
The pain of knowing what happened
Is enough to push the bonds

Yet when the time comes
We migrate back to family
The family we have fallen in love with
The family that stuck by us
The place where we are safe
Then we leave and start over again
The words people say stick in our heads
And we all just want to dead
But we go and lay down on our beds
And think of the things that we could've done different
But what sticks out?
Family
A mother and a father
5 kids one is a half bother
And the person who left

Andrew
His name comes off my tongue covered in hate
Yet all he did was break simple promises
Andrew
The cause of my regret
I hate how his name circles in my brain
Causing all of this misery
I would rather die
Andrew
He needs to go away
He's a drug the my siblings are addicted to
I moved away
I watch as they all say
I love you dad.
My dad is a tall redhead with as much anger as mine
I'm his spirit child
I hate the genes I got from my ***** donor
I have his stupid eyes
And his dumb last name
Demuth
Poison that's what it is
Slowly killing my sanity
Almost like a vipers venom
Slow and painful.
Ugh
If only I could get away!
Then the pain would leave
Then I would be free

18 will come sooner than later
Then I can change my last name
Robison
The thing that switches the poison of
Demuth
The pain of misery

I look and for a dad all I see is red hair and beard
I see a gun that he hasn't named
And for a mom I see Lucy
A 40 caliber pistol
I stood behind those powerful weapon
In front is my target
A zombie or a pink outline.
I smile
Then I point the gun in front of me
And empty the clip
The smell of brass
And the smell of cologne

My picture of family is to never give up on them
I will always be glad when one of them is near
My mom wears black and we have the same haircut
She has these pretty chocolate brown eyes
She passed them down to my to my sisters.
She doesn't let the animals get fur all over her
She takes care of us when we are sick
She sleeps like flowers and leather and the hit of ecig juice
My parents vape and my brother smokes

Brandon is older and acts like a ****
But he has pretty eyes that change with his mood
He smokes cigarettes and cigars
Sometimes I wish I was him
He smells like cats and sometimes dogs
He lays around the house waiting to go to work
He got a job at the Macy's distribution center in Owasso
I'm proud yet disappointed.
He could have done so much better and yet he doesn't
He wanted to join the military
But he never has the nerve.
If only he would listen and not throw a fit

Now I go to Rachel
Sweet and nice
Dark and mysterious
Only ever is quiet and sincere
She has the eyes of our mom
Brown and filled with knowledge
Yet laying there underneath is a beast waiting
Waiting to be unleashed
I see it and ignore it
For I made the beast appear.
It hungers for someones blood
But Rachel controls it more
I see it in her movements
Precise like a cats
I smile inwardly
She going to be so good
A good mother
And a good wife
Yet when she turns away
I can see the tears
I feel my heart breaking
Rachel
The name that sounds so sweet
She brings me back into real life
When I get ****** into dreams
She has the best hair and smile
Although its nothing compared to Zoe's
If only she knew I loved her
But I see the pain
The pain she always tries to hide
I look to the left and I see....

Zoe
***** blonde weird Zoe
She sits on her tablet and or phone watching some random show
She gets on my nerves but I love her so
She tries to kick me in the ****
I turn and kick her back
She is always ignoring me
Even when I give advice
Yet when she does listen
She says
Yeah right
I feel my heart breaking
Because she doesn't know what to do
I don't even really know her
Because she doesn't tell me jack squat
Yet when she looks at me
I feel my pride in her grow
Even if she follows me
I'll let her grow
And point her towards the sunlight
Where her smile could compete
She thinks she the center of the universe
And most of her friends agree
Yet when it comes time to sleep
she lays there on her phone
She pretends no one cares
But I want to prove her wrong
I care
I really do
When I see her in the morning
With her hair all messy
That's my little sister
Don't go and hit her
She has an attitude that makes the planets flinch
Yet when she smiles
She always make my worries go to waste
She'll turn out good one day
I just hope I'm around to see it.

We have two cats
Kaelas and Allanon
We love very much
They are brothers too
If only they could talk
And tell me all their pain
I would love to listen
They spend there time lounging around
Or begging us for food
Gray and Brown
White and black
Kaelas gas a gray bad tone and a white belly
While allanon has brown base and black stripes
I love them personally
But they run the show
Kaelas means White Death
Allanon doesn't have a meaning.
My parents pulled there name out if a book serious
When I see them start to play
It turns into a fight
I would smile and let them go
Just to see who would win
Allanon is slow but he is also the fastest
Kaelas is full of himself
Kaelas lays on my bed
Allanon on my dads chair
Those are our cats
And I love them so.

Now I talk about that dog
Her name is Tinkerbell
She's a Chihuahua
She replies to stinker bell
And stinker
We like to play with the puppy
She's only four months old
We have all fallen in love with her
Never would she go
We are taking care of her
And ***** training too.
If only dogs could speak to us
Surely no accident would occur
But we love the tan colored pup
And her energy too
Though sometimes she just needs to stop
She wears us all out
But that's a good thing in my book
One day shell be fully grown and never grown a inch
She has ears that we call HBO ears
Because they are so big
They are adorable and we know it.
That's our darling puppy
So know its time to introduce the final member

Me
My name is Makenzie
Some just ought to know
I have blue eyes I hate and a smile that's just to fake
I weave my self a web of lies
To protect them and me
They don't know the real meaning of
Depression
Soon though it'll all be the past
Then we can laugh and kiss everything goodbye
But before that I need to mention the Gecko
Dr. Conner's
Who lives in a cage
With water and food
And things to play
He doesn't do much so his is quick
We love him
And he just clicks
We get back to me and all of you stare
Just waiting to tear open my brain
And pick at like crows
Maybe I'm willing to run a few little tests
But only if you can beat me at my own game
The game of trying to pull in ahead
The game of running faster than depression but slower than suicide
The game of the right pace
I beat the game everyday
And a victory cheer I hear
Good morning Makenzie how are you dear?
This brings me out of my funk and I smile so.

Oh dear I forgot poor Alex so
My little half brother
Who has two dads
We love that little family
So very much indeed
We haven't been able too meet face to face
But one day we will
He looks like our mom
Because her genes are so strong
I love them dearly
And could write them a song
The song would be weird and probably include airplanes

Now this is a family
And its almost complete
To finish this poem
I write about me
Again
I look around then see the light
It's beautiful and all through the night
I can see the galaxy from my place on earth
My imagination can cover that much
It's always thinking right into the night
If only my eyes were this bright
My demons settle into slumber
Then I can spend another summer
Happy carefree
And silly
But I snap back in the winter
Fall and winter
Allergy season
For everybody but me
Hehe suckers better luck next year
Then my eczema flares
And I'm scratching every where
Most on my arm and neck and barely on my stomach
But life is perfect
With my family so big
So i do a little happy dance
And as I dance I giggle and laugh
This is my family and its prefect
As soon as I'm done
I would take a bow
But this poems probably better if I wiggle and giggle
The only person who won't giggle would probably laugh
But I'm not a seer
So I can't predict
What everyone will get
Out of this poem
I spent a couple days on
Getting it right and making it perfect
Just like my family who smiles are bright
We could compete with the moon and the sun
So yes my family can be crazy
But we love each other and that's al righty
I have a motto that needs to change
If we **** to live and live to **** what's the point of survival?
But yes my family is perfect and no one will change that
And yet we all want to perfect
These are the reasons I love my family.
So the final thing I will say is
So long and goodnight
I hope you have a good night.
Oct 2015 · 534
Where Do I Hide?
Makenzie Robison Oct 2015
I hide in the shadows
Calm and collect
When I join the light
I'm wild and I'm active
Yet a price of me only sees the ghosts
Of pasts and the future
Where do I hide?
I hide in nook and cranny
I hide where no one can find
I hide in my mind
And in my eyes
I hide in my sleeves
And on my knees
I compact my self into a ball
I can see the walls
I shake in my sleep
And scream when I'm awake
I hide with the shadows
This is my domain
I have claimed the very purpose
Of living whiling hiding
I can't show my true nature
That's for people to bring out
I'm a dragon with the need to collect shining things
And then I'm a tiger
With the need for solitude
I lurk through the darkness and watch
Everyone grows and I shape myself
I'm a serpent and a mammal
Yet everyone thinks I'm evil
I'm not the devil
I'm not a angel
I'm the shadows
Creeping up behind you
And surrounding you
But someone has light and I flinch away
I have my own will
Just let me get away
I snicker at your plans
You forgot I was even there.
Yet only time can command me
For I'm my own hell.
You ask Where do I hide?
I hide where no one looks and no one thinks
I hide in plain sight.
I had in the corner of your eyes
I hide in peoples dream and hopes
I hide where people go to die
I hide in your thoughts
Where do I hide?
I hide in the thought
Of people who want to survive
But only one thing sticks out
The pain of others.
Wrote this because this is a question I ask myself all the time.
Oct 2015 · 861
The Beating Heart
Makenzie Robison Oct 2015
Aw yes the blood flowing through my veins
My beating heart that comes to a end
I stand staring at what I thought was love
Then I look around and all I see is blood
I smirk then smile
Knowing your time has come.
If only you knew what you could become
So yes the blood that's flowing through our veins
Can be lost
With a simple cut of a knife
You have to ask
Do I truly want this?
Yet when you see every one bend down
You come to horrendous thought
Everyone looks but no one sees
The pain that's inside of me
One heart sticks out
You contemplate
Can I make that heart stay?
One month six days
Then you feel a cut
You said you promises
A promises you broke
Know we go on with life
Like nothing ever happened
But I feel it in the back of my mind
The fact that maybe you could have been the one
Then I remember the knife being turned
I can't fall asleep without seeing your pretty face
Yet I know when I'm not wanted
I know when I have been tossed aside
Just like a shot gun shell which the angel shot at me
I fell in love
And every calls it infatuation
But I not infatuated
My heart is still beating
Though nobody cares
My pain is still real
Although everyone tells me theirs
I can't breathe some nights
Because all I smell I you
You broke my soul and stabbed my heart
Even though my heart is still beating
I look around and see one thing
The heart that stuck out
Was the heart that broke mine
My heart still beats
And when its done
I hope its because of something fun
I dont want pain
I dont want death
I just want love
Like the next person
I want weirdos
I want nerds
I want people who make me feel good
I want my heart to beat faster for someone
Then someone to just say that
We aren't good
I want someone who loves me like I love them
I want the perfect person
But no one is perfect
Yet when I see the smiling faces
I realize
I want what they have
Someone to talk and laugh with
Someone to share secrets
Then I see the 1 month 6 days
I flinch away
I dont want a month and so days
I want forever and always
Yet it always out of my reach
My first heart is gone
I'm on to a second life
I start at the placed I save
And still couldn't get it right
I smile and wave
Even though I want to cry
When I'm alone is finally
The time the tears fall
They couldn't have fallen they crashed
Crashed through the dam
And onto my cheeks
Then I see the very bad thing
Someone walks in
The dam closes.
I wipe away the tears
I face the person
She stands with frown on her face
Short pretty hair and a glare that's not meant for me
I blink she's still there
She's come to haunt me now
She's alive but I am still in love
Then I look away
I can't stand the sight
I saw her in dreams mutilated
But when she is fine and safe I can't stand it
She broke me and she is still whole
I just want to be whole
The heart that beats is mine
It's beats with a thud
I imagine the day it stops
Everyone stares at me
I am the center of attention
I dont want this
I want freedom
I have trapped my heart
It howls to be free
I get colder and push everyone away
I snap in anger
I bite and scratch
Then I awake
It was only a dream
But the heart ache is real
I look around and see my sisters
They smile and laugh
My brother is being rude like always
Then I  notice the shadow
The shadow is me
I hang in the background with my gloomy mood
I get asked to do things
I do them
Then I remember when I was happier
No has noticed that after she broke up with me I have been crawling back in my shell.
I feel my heart thump.
I smile
It's not real
No one knows the difference so its fine
I pretend
I could be a actor
That or they choose not to confront
But I put up a show
Then I turn and run
Because whats the point if all any one wants is someone to laugh at
I sit down and think
Am I really worth all this pain?
I look up and spot a light
I smile
A actual smile
One that makes my eyes light up.
She has come to save me
My grandma Jane
I hop up and run to her
Darling are you okay?
I hear her ask
No I'm not. My heart and soul have been broken.
She smiles
It will all get better
The last thing she said before she disappeared
I have hope
The heart of mine is beating
That's all I need to know everything happens for a reason.
I'm in invincible now.
I have knowledge
I have my beating heart
I walk out of the darkness and join the light
My eyes light up and I smile more often
The feeling of death moves away
One month and six days are just numbers
But these numbers have meaning
I'm still alive and my heart is still beating
Just because she broke my heart and soul
Doesn't mean I can't be happy
I have new knowledge
I know how to live with someone who isn't interested
I lay me head down and think
*The beating heart I hear is mine and it's going strong.
Wrote this poem after finally having enough nerve. I hope you enjoy it.
Oct 2015 · 451
Victim
Makenzie Robison Oct 2015
I see him walk into the school.
The bag was slung on one shoulder.
In the bag was a faint outline
Of a gun
I had the same thought until 5th hour
I hope I live to see tomorrow
When I hear a bang and see the teacher fall
I see a couple students fall too
Then I'm looking down the barrel of my demise
I freeze...
The bullet comes out and hits me the the stomach
I fall to the ground
My last breath leave me

She looks on hoping not to get shot
Three students and a teacher
She wanted to scream but her voice escaped her
She thought that if she lived through this she would tell her family she loved them
She looked down...
She she looked back up and saw him point the gun to the right of her
She saw the bullet exit the barrel
She felt it hit her shoulder, another one hit the person behind her in the head.
The next bullet left a hole in her chest. She got one glance before all was white

The man behind the gun
Had pointed at me
He clicked the trigger back
Click click click
Then I see the bullet leave.
It hits the girl in front of me
Her hand grabs her bleeding shoulder
I look back up to see the trigger pulling back again
Click click Click
Then I hear the boom
I watched wide eyed
Dont even try to move
I feel the bullet enter my head
Then I feel no more

I watch them all drop to the ground
As they dropped like flies
I press the gun to my temple
This my final goodbye
I can hear the clicking
Click Click Click
I smile as I go to let the bullet free
I see the other look on fear
"Goodbye" I said
Then the bullet leaves the chamber
It rattles around and I feel the exchange
I died with a smile on my face
Twas fun my friend
I'll see you again

As the mother reads this note her son left
She realizes she was at fault
She shouldn't of ignored him
She made him snap
Now she's a victim of guilt
All around her
Guilt surrounds
She watches her other kids go down the same path
All that happens
Is when she doesn't pay attention
But you see the other families on the news
Along with yours when the rerun happens
You notice you are not alone
You are a victim just like them

A thought passes through your head
No one thinks twice until they hear a bang
Then the gun you've been holding
You didn't realize you picked it up
You placed the gun upon your head
You pull the trigger back and hear
Click click click
Then you are dead with blood pulling around you're head.
Makenzie Robison Oct 2015
Yes some people think heaven exists.
Some say they are crazy and deserve to burn.
I smirk at the two sides
I have caused all this chaos
I breathe in the smoke and ashes of my domain
When some say i can't be reasoned with
They are correct
I'm stubborn
I never let go of who I mark
When they want to be free
They pray for forgiveness
Yet my teeth sink even deeper
The name of God doesn't scare
Why should I be scared of some one who banished me
I have power he can't imagine
I am reborn and more powerful
You can not reason with me
I'm the devil
You make a deal with the devil
You **** yourself to hell
For a person ****** to hell there is no forgiveness
yet when you look and say
God please forgive for I have sinned
I look up and reply
You can not be forgiven for you made a deal
You break the deal and I send my hell hounds
When i turn I see him
He asks Why did you take a innocent soul?
What soul? He gave it away.
God's anger is like a dolphins anger
It doesn't exists
I know I have won this round
How could I not?
Reasoning with the devil can't be done.
Oct 2015 · 570
Shooter Or Victim
Makenzie Robison Oct 2015
He walks into the school
On his back is a Gun
The gun is hidden by his Backpack
No one thought he would got to this extreme
Everyone only knew him by the word Victim
No one knew him by Shooter
One look and he fades away
You'll only remember his face because it's his 15 seconds of fame
That's all anyone wants now days
Fame this fame that
No one cares about the defeated and lonely
The only way they get noticed
Is to go from Victim to Shooter
Then they are the talk of the century
Their fame only lasts 15 seconds because there is more pressing matters
But the one's that remember forever
Is the Victims  family's
But all they remember now is the word Shooter
It circles their brains and wreaks havoc
All they wanted was a happy son
But ignoring him caused him to snap
He took the pistol
He shoot the teacher
He shoot a few students
The last person he shot was himself
His only true freedom was death
Now his face is on the news
His family crys over his coffin
His younger siblings fall into depression
They cycle starts again
From being a victim to being a shooter
No one thinks twice until they hear a bang.
Oct 2015 · 532
Live life like its a lie
Makenzie Robison Oct 2015
Most of my life is a lie
Some people hop on for a ride
Most try to die
I try to survive
I want them to be happy
But all things come to an end
Even things we like the most
But some live life like its a lie
It doesn't exists
I smile they don't know true pain
The only way is the fact that pain is a illusion
Aug 2015 · 394
Where Am I?
Makenzie Robison Aug 2015
There's pain.
And misery.
What would you do?
Would you scream and shout?
Stay quiet and shy?
Explode in anger?
Cry in agony?
Where am I?
What have I done?
I don't get anything done.
Why would I love?
When I don't belong.
Who are you to judge?
You don't even know me?
Why do I scream?
Because no one can hear me.
Why do I cry?
Because I'm all alone.
That's why I ask.
Where am I?
People have pain. You need to be nice.
Apr 2015 · 398
Whats Love
Makenzie Robison Apr 2015
What does love mean?
Why do people like love
Who dances with pain?
All the people who want love
Why do people want love?
So they can have someone to share pain with
How does love tangle us up?
Simple by promising ever lasting hope
Who falls for that?
People hoping for a better end
What happens after love?
The most wonderful thing
What's the most wonderful thing?
That is marriage
Why do people marry?
*So they can love that person for ever.
Just felt like writing this.
Apr 2015 · 484
Pain
Makenzie Robison Apr 2015
Pain come from every direction
It catches you off guard
At least everybody knew when you had to go
It wasn't exactly the nicest though
I didn't feel the pain
But I feel the pain of the others
Sometimes life is a ******* *****
If you have a problem tell someone
My pain came from my siblings
My siblings pain came from our dog dying
The dogs pain came from a car
I can't do anything right.....
I can't comfort anyone
I can't protect them either
That's my pain
I can't do it.......
This is in remembrance of our dog named buddy. We will miss him dearly.
Makenzie Robison Apr 2015
You look around and notice hell.
Hell is staring everybody in the face
Sometimes when you notice things get ******
If you wanted to be happy you would act all the time
Some people accept the fact that there's only hell and no heaven
Some Christians like to make up the fact that their is a better hell up in the sky
Don't ever tell me that heaven exists
I have only ever seen hell.
All the pain has taken and multiplied
Don't let any tell you they've seen heaven
All they saw was a better hell
Apr 2015 · 389
Who am I?
Makenzie Robison Apr 2015
I am the wind
I am the fire in my eyes
I can see the backdrop of black and every color in between
My life has danced between black and white
My name is a whisper
Barely heard
Everybody recognizes but no one cares
I danced with darkness and slept in light
Blamed my life
I am my life
People realized I hear everything
And I can see the small things change
I wonder if people see me analyze everything
With my two sharp eyes
They flick in between people
My name is Makenzie
And I am me!
My sister gave me this idea
Apr 2015 · 382
What have I done
Makenzie Robison Apr 2015
You blamed me for everything
I said I was innocent
The blood was flowing
Making a picture
The pure whit skin stained red
I looked down and thought what have I done

Went to school and no one noticed
My life went to dust
I tried to speak and everyone laughed
I hid in the bathroom
I took the blade and felt the pain
My friend was so sweet

Then I realized that I cut to deep
I hide it with my jacket and toilet paper
No one even noticed
I went home
No one was there

I took the blade and ended it all
My very last thought was
What have I done?
Apr 2015 · 543
Wild Heart
Makenzie Robison Apr 2015
There's this heart that has happened
Only once in a lifetime
She's has the wild Heart
One so beautiful and unique
Sometimes the life
Will end the night
Her beauty and love
Have been taken for granted
She promised to never to get attached
She did
She didn't want to
But ger mind made the connections
Those connections made her even wilder
She promised that she had no one
Her parents died and she didn't even cry
Everyone told her that she was bad
She meant a boy and he broke her heart
She said never again
She promised
Her life was gone
The police found her with a ripe around her neck
No one cared
So she ended it
Everybody said why did she go
The answer was two feet in front of them
The picture on the wall
Her family was so happy
She wanted to go back to her parents
She died with a smile on her face
She was happy
She had her family back
Just decided to write this. Seemed like a good idea.
Apr 2015 · 591
While I am Alive
Makenzie Robison Apr 2015
While I am alive I live in complete hell
My misery is to much to continue.
I have lived in my shell ever since I can remember.
My life has taken a turn for the worse.
But I have finally found the happiness.
The happiness I have longed for.
It came in the flash!!
I saw him and he smiled.
I had some hope for humanity!!
He made me look like the sun shine that warmed his shoulders.
He asked me out on a date.
I said yes.
It all happened while I am alive!!

— The End —