When the screaming ends
the flesh seared away by the blinding white light
many eyes opening wide in colors yet unseen
eyelids peeling back and shriveling
cursed to forever look and see everything
burning hot metal sloughing the charred remains of flesh and bone
teeth acidily dripping from the writhing form
and as the ashen wings sprout
and all noise ceases
you pick up a feather
hearing the chorus and choir
and wonder if this is the epitome
of beauty

For my dreams
and nightmares
I'm left standing
at an edge of something
incredibly important.

But it leaves me to wonder
whether I need a doctor
or a witch

A dream where my mother's blood was spilled
Only for I to be drawn forth
by horrifying angels
Asking only to take their hand
But be drawn back into the darkness
Into a comforting embrace
Telling me to only come back to this place
After I've chosen

But to no longer have counsel in this world
And having no knowledge of my options
or the consequences that may befall me
From a mistake
such as this
Is a cruel choice to have to make

Could this be
a Second chance?
Or maybe
an opportunity
to fall further from grace

Is it insanity
to both despise spirituality
and yet fall into dreams of vastness and Gods?

To have cried
and screamed
and thrown the crucifix from my hands
Only to find myself thrown awake
In the middle of the night
still feeling the thick
sticky
blood on my hands?

To have loved science
and knowledge
and fact
But have a Bible given to me from a loved one
that I keep in a drawer
like it's a shameful secret?

To having always felt uncomfortable at church,
but still feeling my skin tingle
like it's going to catch itself on fire?

To believe that God has abandoned us,
or that he never truly existed,
only to carve lines down my throat
with blunt nails
driven to madness
By a spiraling sky
and incomprehensible nightmares?

Is it a mockery
a sin, even
to have been raised by a saintly woman
and still end up
like this?

Is it cruel
to be raised by her
and have her torn from the world
before I would need her the most
and still have to live
knowing I didn't see her last moments
but instead
having her haunt my dreams
with her death?

It must be divine punishment
For past lives
and Future sins
for Fates' strings
and destiny's grip
or everything I've ever done wrong
and more so everything I've done right