Emotions soak up my vocabulary
With their spongy fibers,
Porous and clinging to my syllables
As if they were not mine to possess in the first place.
Feelings are like dragons,
Hoarding my words like gold.
I am hyper-verbal and hyper-lexic,
So many sentiments and letters to call upon,
But they are always out of order when
I want to tell you "I Love You!"
I say, "Please let me know you got home safe,"
Instead.

Sometimes life gives you lemons.
Sometimes life gives you your one and only
Partnered ****** with your
******.
And sometimes,
Sometimes,
I don't know what to do with that,
Especially when I want so badly
To show my new lover
What she does to me.

I have a memory that kills me
Like shards of glass sliding through my atrium,
Undetectable until it has ripped an
Irreparable hole in my heart.
His arm is tightened around my neck,
Pressure behind,
Pulling me to him,
My fear thicker than the air I could not breathe.
And then it was over,
Over like the red and sweat of my face
As the oxygen rushed back in.
Therapist says it was not an accident.
In 30 seconds he had tested me.
I was controllable.
Pass or fail
Depends on who you ask.

Could mean brushing my hair
Or you combing my emotions for entry points.
Either way,
Untangling the knots
HURTS.

My biggest hope
Is that one day,
I won't jump every time the door opens,
Hoping it's not you walking in.

You are a symphony of skin,
Perfect harmony of two souls.
You are the quarter rest of skipped heartbeats,
Electric run of mind,
Thoughts cascading
Like 16th notes descending the treble clef.
You are the forbidden crescendo,
Pulse rising to the tune of lips melded together.
You are my favorite melody,
Wild, unique, so familiar and yet new,
Playing in my mind on repeat.

I don't think I'll ever have words
For how much I miss you this time of year,
For how painful it is to have lost you,
Or how grateful I am to have known you.
I am always searching in the darkness
For a sentiment that carries enough weight
To say how sorry I am you did not think your absence would be missed.
If anything, I miss you a little more every day.