I NEED TO STOP LYING
I’m aware of what’s right.
I know how to achieve sobriety
My mind purposely blinds me
I know there’s more to life than just sadness.
I’m aware that I can try but refuse
It’s true, it’s a lot to do to stop use.
I need to work on everything that makes me feel I’m no use.
It will be a lot to conquer
It will take so much to change my views.
I’ve been depressed for so long
Drugs been the only thing that’s made me belong ,
I know I can change, Be very great
It will just take lots of work to reach the gates.
I will struggle & experience pain.
Confront reality & deal with the things that make me unhappy
I NEED TO STOP LYING TO MYSELF
My addict Mind is lovely
It really makes me focus on things that really hurt me.
It Centers negativity, shining light on everything saddening.
When I Attempt To Be Good
It tells me how fast I’m achieving?
I look at time & it’s been hours of thinking .
I can’t figure nothing to solve my insecurities .
Can’t find a reason for motivation
Can’t find a cure for the heartbreaks & mistakes.
So it reminds me.
Drugs been the fastest & only medicine.
Only on one do I feel life’s worthliving.
I don’t need nothing or nobody as long as I’m lit.
I NEED TO STOP BEING IN DENIAL AND STRAIGHTEN THE **** UP
I’m tired of it all
Conflicts about living
clean or on drugs
I’m tired of Being high & Feeling nothing but numb.
I’m tired of the drugs controlling my emotions & Thoughts.
I’m tired of the drugs being so Great  that I never want to get off.
I’m tired of the way it’s causing more harm making me believe everything’s fine.
I’m tired of the way it’s the only thing damaging. Making sobriety seem so Devastating.
I’m tired of drugs making me feel it’s better to not deal with crisis.
Only high is life great.
No tears , no misery or Losses
No challenges, no dealing with ****
I’m tired of the drugs making me feel Using is the best thing.
Making my life seem easy by not worrying about anything
IM TIRED OF THE WAY CRYSTAL **** MANIPULATES MY ****** BRAIN
On **** I never struggle .
Being high avoid the problems making life so nice
While sober I deal with troubles.
Being clean I feel the sorrow.
I struggle to fix the issues & if I fail , I feel much worse.
Using **** fulfills my needs.
When lonely , on **** I don’t feel alone. I don’t even notice.
When I’m lonely , I feel what alone is. I cry and Feel so much sadness
When I’m high
I never struggle , Don’t ever stress & continue on my day .
When I’m sober ,
If i struggle, I deal with troubles
Which will leave me Either happy or add to my problems.
No more comparisons , it’s clear
The use of Drugs keep you away from pain, you never encounter bad situations or experience ****** days
While sober you face many things
You Feel many ways & always come across struggles and pain. That you either work it out or live depressed
I HAVE THE CHANCE RIGHT NOW
I CAN SEE THE TRUTH I JUST NEED GO STOP BEING IN DENIAL
I NEED TO ADMIT RIGHT NOS
BEFORE MY DRUG ADDICT MIND TAKES POWER

I Don't Look At Her Like
She's A Bad Girl
Shes Just misunderstood Sometimes, Shes Alittle Troubled
Shes Alittle Dysfunctional.
Shes a survivor.

She's My World
My Happiness, My Bestfriend.
It Hurts Me To Read, All Her Poetry.
My Girlfriend is Wrong.
She Needs To Stop Believing Shes Weak, She iS Very Strong.
It Disappoints Me To Know How Low My Baby Thinks Of Her Self.
Worthless, Useless ?
She's Worth More Than Gold To Me!
Usefull In My Life.
My Girlfriend's The Reason i Changed My old Ways.
It Breaks Me Down To Hear
That Drugs Or Self Harm Is What She Seeks When Feeling Unhappy.
How i Wish She Chose Me As Her Replacement To Feel Happy.
My Baby Needs To Realize That There is A Way Better Road To Go Through.
My Girlfriend Needs To Stop
Putting Herself Down.
My Baby Needs To Start Believing Shes Somebody And Deserves
To Be Happy.

I Was Safe By Your Side.
Now Your Gone, Im in Pain.
Im Desperate To Feel Numb, To Take A Hit.
to feel alive, in my zone once again.
We all know i cant go back to my prefrence.
its ok, i found a subtitue substance.
not as potent, but it takes me out my 5 senses.
im hurt, im broken.
drugs are always my token.

iRun...
& iCant Seem To Get Away.
iTry Harder to
Escape.  
But iTs Still behind me, chasing.
iCant Stop To Catch Some
Air and rest
Its Quick and will get the best
Of me
iHide
Nomatter Whrre, it manages
To Find Me.
Im trying my hardest To get Away
And it always seems to get
Its way back to me
ICry About it
Whispers appear,
They turn into voices, remind me
Of how Much iHate life
And tells me if i stop and hold its
Hand it promises to take all
Misery away

iM Scared Of Losing What
iHave Left.
iM Scared Of Seeing What
iHave Left Go Away.
iM Scared Of Disappointing
My Loved Ones Again.
iM Scared Of Being Reminded
What the reality of Drugs.                        can do once again.
iM Scared iF iM Sober Then Fall
iWont Ever Change again
iM Scared The Drugs Can
Take over me Like it Has before
Once more.
Scared Of Feeling Numb And Live The Whole Drug Addiction Cycle all over.

iSmile, iLaugh, iHug
Deep Within Me its All an Act.
iFroun, iScream, iCry
Deep Within Me iTs What iFeel
Why Do iFeel Empty?
They Tell Me iHave Everything
A Family, Wealth, Support
iKnow iKnow iKnow
They Say What More?
Idont Know, iDont Feel Alive
iFeel Souless, No interest, lifeless
What Do iWant? What Are
My Needs? To fullfill these Depression Thats deepining .

Ive Been in 3 Different Residential
Rehabs & 5 Outpatients.
Sadly, Neither Have Worked Because
iM Out Here Doing The Same Thing.
Finding How To Get
A Dope Fix.
iDont Want To Go back
Hate the past experiences but iknow
iNeed iT Urgently.
Should be recommended Mandatory
iNeed Major help before
IEnd up losing my self again
Im in the middle. Before i get
Stuck once again.

Sobriety.
Reality & Unrealistic Views.
Which One Do iPrefer and Chose?
Living in A Dream,
Make Believe Living. Rainbows and Sunshine, Butterflies
Just Your Own Happy imaginable  Life You Create in Your mind.
iHate Sobriety, iHate The Real Things
i Hate the normal Feeling and
Dealing With ****,
iHate Problems, Struggling, Misery
Not Being Happy
iLove To Consume, Experience
New Feelings Rather
Than Just One. I like tons,
Experimenting, Curiosity, Living In Different worlds..

This iS Becoming So Frustrating.
iM Stuck Between The
Do's & Dont's. Right Or Wrong
Heart or mind
Past & Present, Hope or Dope
Love Or Drugs
Mixed Emotions, Becoming numb
Sobriety reality &
Hating life. Finding happiness.
Keep working on
Myself or just giving up, so confusing
So simple but my mind
And mentality just
Arnt usual.

iM Feeling Hopeless
iM Feining, iM Dopeless.

Should I just go.
Pack my bags & Prepare my cloths.
I’m in denial.
I know the truth but don’t accept it
I don’t want to admit
It’s the only thing , the bestest.
I’m going to be honest
I don’t want to leave this ...
Yes it’s hurting .
But I’m hurting both ways
Clean or Gone.

iT Haunts Me
Gives Me Nightmares
iHate iT
Why Me? iDont Find iT Fair
Then iT Reminds Me
Its because iTook The Dare
Cause iTried iT
iLiked iT, Loved iT
1Hit? iGot High And
They Call iT Lit. iGot
Addicted.
4 Years iN This Snorting Smoking Shooting This Clear
Dope ****. Went to rehab didn't
Help.  iDidnt Want iT
Didn't Ask For it, all i seeked for was to take a hit.

Sober / Down / High
I write to express
I type when I like.
There is no preferable time
Random thoughts
I jot to look back
This helps to solve my Issues
Venting / stories/ poems
This helps me capture a problem
I study my sorrows
Helps prevent future failures

Trying Hard, To Just Be Me.
To Love My Self & Just Set Free.
Escape one day, From The Misery.

The Dope iS So Cold
Indroduces iTs Self As iF It Were
Gold.
Manipulates You into Believing
Everys Real That You Feel
Blinded.
Its Endless Forever Gold.
Will Always be There
It Travels but you find your
Own spot
You Put in much work into
Getting more of it, became obbsesed with mining and having it
In your possesion .
It Possesed You, That Gold is
Undercover Black Useless coal

If I can’t set free
Our love will leave
Like my life
Addiction ruined everything
I’m aware
That everything I love
turns to dirt
took my spirit & happiness
Drained out my life
Replacing it with emptiness

I’m so tired of trying
Of running & hiding
From the urges to Get High
Believing to feel like the 1st Time
I’m Tired Of Fighting
Battling and dying all times
I’m sick of working so hard
To fall back each time
I’m tired of accepting
But yet denying
I feel sad sober
I feel numb High
Both ways I’m hating my life
It’s the Of Relapse
That I’m losing more hope
Breathing .
I hate that I’m weak.
I’m not strong and Can’t think
I hate that I don’t View things Easy


I love my love
My love is him

iM Still The Same,
into the Same game.
Addicted To The Same Thang,
Not Giving A ****, like My minds
Always been.
The Swirls and Twirls are still existing, the thick white klouds are Still forming, ***** Always Been!
The Pipe iS Packed
The bic iFlicked ready To Start melting and Take A Bomb Hit.
I LOVE LIT
Same mentality on the low
Where iStill Seem to agreeing Imma
Die off iT Slow.
Getting High has been more difficult, seeking ways cause its
Invincible
Im losing my head as the days
Foward on.
Either Lit or Feining
Cause this just has me leaning
Towards getting every single bit
I can.
Istill Seem To See iT As My Everything.

iSay iM iNlove
With The Substance, Then Switch
Up and Say iTs Disgusting.
iDont Know What
iFeel For iT. iM Bipolar When
iT Comes To iT.
At This Point iN My Life iTs
The Only Thing
That Keeps Going Threw Life
With A Smile
On my face