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Parzival May 17
It won't matter how it turns out
Not to me
It was my decision
So I'll keep screaming no regrets
Born alone die alone
I killed my heart beacuse nothing in this place
deserves it
I let the darkness take my soul
Its a hell of a habit
So don't get the wrong idea
I did this to myself
I let the demons out and threw away the keys
There's no place for love here
So I numb it, I numb it all
The sadness, the happiness, the pain
I numb them all
I chose the loneliness and it's never left me
I'm losing my mind and I've never felt anything so good
Letting go was the my decison
One that was hard to make but worth it
Drained myself of everything and found contempt with emptiness
Casted away every ounce hope of beacuse I'm tired of lies
No more faking how i feel
No more trying to get away
No more getting caught
This dream keeps getting to me and I'm tired the ****
I've set fire to all the bridges so I have nowhere to go
I did this to myself and I'm satisifed
Parzival May 15
It helps
It helps to translate the screams of my heart into creative writings
Each line tailored under the supervision of a shrieking soul
Such poor working conditions have become the standard for my mind
I write because, each time I'm here I'm graced with deja vĂș of incredible proportions
I write because...
It helps
It helps because the blood of my bleeding heart make the perfect ink for my pen
So you see, it's not wasted
Each word giving of that red hue that soothes my teary eyes
I take refuge in my own arms, and in these words
I write because there's nothing else I can do in this lonesome chamber i refer to as my life.
Parzival May 14
Pinned my heart to the floor, no more wandering  for you, Forces gather and feed on it
The other mind deep in me dragged me down to it's level
It never told me i'd be alone
Searching, couldn't find anyone's shoulder
Now I'm colder
I'm tired of hate, also tired of love
Better on my own.
Better off Alone
  May 13 Parzival
I stopped writing.
Not because I fell out of love with it...
My emotions just seemed to disappear.

I started a new medication.
The doctor said it would help my panic disorder, and it did.
I took that pill, like my mother talks to God (every morning).

When I went back to the doctor she said we had to up the dosage because apparently having 2 panic attacks a week still isn't okay.
I told her that when I woke up this morning I got out of bed without crying, but she didn't consider that as much of a victory as I did.

When I was put on a higher dosage, my emotions shut down.
After a few weeks I stopped crying, my OCD got better, my panic attacks were gone, and I could even go into the student union of my college campus without my heart trying to win a race against my thoughts.

I could breathe.

But, I also stopped having fun.
I felt like a stranger in my own body.
My emotions found the exit on the plane and jumped, never to be found again.

Since when did being able to breathe require me to feel like this?
  May 13 Parzival
Ally Gottesman
When I was younger, I used to think I was going to be a Star.
Under a spotlight where everyone knew my name...
I was five.

Now, I want shadows and to be as far away as possible.
Hidden and far from consequence,
And even further from myself.
Where my name is not a name,
But just another word without any true meaning.

When I was younger, I used to think I was going to be a Star.
Now, I want to disappear.

I should have jumped overboard when I had the chance.
  May 11 Parzival
Stephanie Amadio
Where we're lost
and left confused

Where we're drowned
by unending doubts

Where we questioned
our life decisions

Where we live
and sleep normally
  May 11 Parzival
Kim Essary
As her words grab my heart with each and every message or poem I read,
It truly saddens me to be so far in distance, I can't offer her what she may need.
Never have I layed my eyes upon her, I can only Invision her beauty by her poems and words of wisdom.
Her soul sweet as the blooming flowers and heart as pure as gold.
It's as if her soul is that no less than angelic as she has touched many on this site and more.
What saddens me is soon she will no longer be with us as her illness is growing worse day by day,
My Dearest Kim Johanna Baker, there will be a sadness and void on this site and in my heart the day the Lord takes you away.
I hope that she may see this before it's her time to go, for when the other angels come for her I want for her to know.
The impact her sweet soul has left for all of us here on HP, some more than others , some of you like me.
So if you would or care to join me in my dedication to a very loving soul that makes this site so pleasurable, feel free to leave a comment below.
We love you our dear friend , our dear friend Kim!
Please feel free to repost this for the ones I don't know
Never met this wonderful lady but she has touched me and my life so dearly. Kim Johanna Baker
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