this world is a portal
we are but specks of dust
living within it
reality is but a figment
of imagination
numbers
colors
learn to heal
and infuse focus
with what you want
you see
reality is
what you make it .

It tastes like grief
i hear the children
playing in the background
and the piecies inside of me
that were held together
just broke finally
i never ever
got to have that childhood
that i have been dreaming of my whole life
my whole life all I have ever wanted
was to be grown
to move out of the terror
the holocaust
known as my home growing up
where now still i feel so much fear and anxiety around kids
and babies
for they remind
me of the childhood
that had the worst atrocites
scarred inside of it
where my inner child
feels so scarred by life
that i sit with her and all i can hear is screams and cries
where every time that it gets closer to holidays or to the weekend
the pain just deepens
I am going to encounter one of my fears
to work with children
for my first time in years
and although children bring me so much joy
i am afraid to face myself
but i know that things are better
because for so long
I couldn't even look at pictures of my old self
and now I can a little bit more
I wish I could protect all of the children of the world
and not allow them to experience the pain
that I did my whole life
where I wasn't allowed to be a child
where I was abused so much
that I wanted to die all the time
where I would dream about
being a little bird
that could fly away
and be free
where I dissacociated so much
that I at the ripe age of 26
barely know who I am
because so much of who
I am is just pain
bullying and abuse
where I love people so much
but they have wounded
an incredibly broken heart
with their mocks stares
glares and just utter hatred of me
It hurts so much
but I am learning that I am the only one
that can save myself
so I am doing so
hugging my inner child
and telling her that I am so proud
because I truly am
and because no on ever really told her so.

Butchered, it was a life,
Cut up, it was breathing,
It was a living being,
Being in this world,
With you and me.

Destined to die,
aren't we all?

Would you **** me too,
Cook me up good?

She’d been depressed at seeing how her parents had aged in just a couple of years. She hadn’t really contemplated time much before, it had seemed an endless resource.

Seeing her lying listlessly in bed, he asked “Are you ok?”
“I’m getting old,” she admitted, closing her eyes to conserve energy.
“You’re turning 20,” he stated dryly, somewhere in the darkness.
“Still,” she said, “You should know that I’ll start wrinkling, any day now, like a deflating balloon.”
“Yeah, I was afraid of that.” He said. She opened her eyes and looked at him soberly.

“You’re almost 27, are you getting crows feet?” He flinched away from her outstretching hand.
“No,” He responded confidently, but he checked his reflection in her dorm room mirror.
“Soon, your libido will flag,” she informed him solemnly, taking his hand for comfort.
He slipped off the bed and gently closed the bedroom door with a casual swipe of his hand.
“You should start eating fiber,” she gasped, “and retirement planning!”

“I’ve got a few good months left..” he said, as he came back to the bed and started unbuttoning the top of her yellow dress, “I might need someone, in the medical field, to keep an eye on me.”
“I could do that,” she smiled, as his button work progressed, “I do need more clinical hours.”

Mister,
You are falling apart
And whatever drug prescribed to you
Is pulling the seams even faster
Because you don’t take it like you’re supposed to