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high buildings
prisons without barbed wire

down the street from the funeral home
across from the burnt down church
shadows scatter
like crazy crows
through streets that need no names

on the corner
illuminated by a streetlight
a heart is being spray painted on the wall
of an abandon building
a boy with a doubtful future
has a heart that is beating

we all start out that way
we start out innocent
we start out pure

i've had a few,
genuine and untainted

i've had a few PURE MOMENTS

when **** goes down
i imagine one of those
PURE MOMENTS

maybe you've had one?
maybe a few?

the boy is having one
and he doesn't
know it

it's only when
the **** goes down
that you need one
when **** goes down
and you are pacing around
the 4 corners
of that darkening room
you need one

i open the window

the boy turns
looks up at me
and smiles
and crystal clear like water in a brook

A PURE MOMENT
 Aug 2023 Pagan Paul
Rai
Some Nights
 Aug 2023 Pagan Paul
Rai
Some nights are so dark
That I can not see myself
I can not feel
I know I’m loved
But don’t know why the void inside my chest is expanding like a black hole
Life gets ****** in and through but nothing stays
There is no light
No stars to hang above my bed
In dream time I feel as though I’m falling
Another man would give in,
but I am not that man and the darkness laughs at my inability to see through this moment.
This moment and the next
This day drags and now I get no solace in sleep
For my mind is reeling
My synapses charging
My thoughts are racing
Yet I cry my tears then shrug it off again
My darkness matters to no one
No one sees me
No one hears me
I am and I feel so small
A mere particle of dust
An atom amongst atoms
I must come to realise that this silence is of my own creating
I must want this
I must need this
For the healing happens when we are stretched
When we are torn
I am opening my heart
And that’s painful
And lonely at times.
Zephyr winds, playing a symphony of love on my reddened cheeks.  
Every strand of hair is a silk ribbon of fresh dancing in the breeze
This beautiful Countryside brings me to my knees, on this exceptional, wonderful month of September.
With the breeze in my hair and a saffron sun shining,
I sit in harmony with  rhythmic songs of Autumn.
Feeling the need to act like an adventurous child, I stop on the roadside to climb an old wooden fence.  The apple orchard tempts me to help myself,
so I do, biting into a juicy apple savoring it, for all its flavor.
I recall my grandmother well, in her small kitchen baking apple pies
as the scent of baked apple and brown sugar grazed my senses
I learned the meaning of, "Nature tells no lies"
It was a fruit explosion of Autumn delight, there to wet my appetite
A light wind carries me away once again, to grandfather's apple orchard
where his smile was as bright as the coral reefs in fall
oh I tell you, those Autumns were fantastic, back when I was
only five feet tall.
Bills  Bills  Bills  Bills
Never a Sam or Clyde
I simply can’t get out of debt
No matter how I’ve tried.

Bills  Bill  Bills  Bills
They come in twos and threes.
I wish that I could get a loan
To help me pay for these.

My credit score is way too low;
It’s only six-o-five.
I know they’ll never loan the dough
That I need to survive.

I didn’t know which way to turn
Until I spoke to Frank
He kindly said he’d lend a hand -
And help me rob a bank.

We put disguises on my face
And he pulled out a gun
We got some money in our bag
And took off on the run.

But we didn’t get too far
The coppers had us nailed.
They hauled us up before a judge
And both of us were jailed.

The problem now has gone away
My room and board is free
I have no monthly bills to pay
So I’m the winner, don’t you see.
ljm
Nonsense from the non-sensible
 Aug 2023 Pagan Paul
M
curly swirls
 Aug 2023 Pagan Paul
M
I sometimes wish
I didn't feel
the way that I do
but we met
the other night
for the first time
we met because
we are both lonely
in a new town
and we both wanted more friends
from the moment we talked
I felt my body pulse
for you
which for me
that is quite a rare occasion
especially for a man
I walked to the coffee shop on friday night
and I see you with your dark curls
jeans
and as I got closer
I thought wow he is so so handsome
how can he just be my friend??
As we spoke more and more
throughout the night
I felt more and more pulled towards you
as you cared more and more about me
as we saw that we view the world in such a similar way
your a man
who feels his feelings
we spoke about crying to music
about feelings mental health and heartbreak
and now I am unsure of what to do
or how you feel
I know I am not at all ready for a relationship
or anything else
but all I know is
that I want you
and from what I can see
your insides are just as beautiful
as your outsides.
 Aug 2023 Pagan Paul
Pax
All I want was a shelter to feel comfortable with.
A warmth that you felt safe.
Trust for mutual understanding.
  And the pleasure you fully pledge to.  
  
    Seems like loving someone at this age makes us feel unsafe and unsecured, and mostly – at times, temporary.
It's been long.....
I don't have sympathies
I feel fine if you fall
I trust that in time you will march back
Throw the dust off
And get back
In the life race
It is a place
Where no one is leading
And every track is dirt filled.
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