here goes another sleepless night with an uneasy heart,
the girl still wishes for the love she believes she deserves.
she longed, and longed, longed for much too long.
she knows her knife is never sharp enough to ****** her fear.

her mind is always heavy, running ragged with the worst-case scenario.
looping round and round, she couldn't find the emergency exit.

how does it feel like to be loved, by you?
to feel the love i had when i first met you
maybe i made a mistake that he turned away, maybe i pushed the wrong button.
i'm sorry—if it's the truth—can we start over?
fill my hollow gap, live in the void where you left.

you said you'd grow old with me, that i've never heard since the last time i thought you'd madly fallen in love with me.
i ask god, "how much does it take to have you back, like you used to? i'd go broke just to have it once more."

i made many sacrifices, but nothing ever seemed to fall into place; how long should I wait?

sometimes i wish i could beg for forgiveness to myself,
for putting her to an endless torture with no answer to its questions.

i love him too much; i should've thought twice.

they say life feels like riding a roller coaster.
i felt like a roller coaster struck me, hooked in the rails, pressured to chase the pace.

i'm not sure where this ride is taking me,
sometimes my heart pounds because it feels thrilling to me.
sometimes my chest shrinks so tormenting that i'd like to demand an end to it.

i almost slipped and fell, slowly over time.
but there was always something that lured me to stay on the rails.

there's always a reason for me not to end it,
unless i slit the wire,
only then will all feel lost and sorry.

he swipes the cigarette ashes on his shirt to the right.
he swipes the coffee stain on the table to the right.
he swipes my damp lips from kissing him to the right.
he swipes his hair to the right.
he swipes my blushing cheek to the right.
he swipes my bra straps to the right.
swipe right.
swipe right.
swipe right.
swipe right.

and i swipe my falling tears to the right.

but our love wasn't right.
that i had to find you again as the choices offered.

i still have those pains from the moment that you swipe your invisible knife on my heart
to the right
to the left.
i thought you were right, but you left.

I recall those days, living in the state of being someone who still suffers in my own direction, assuming that falling in love just equates the emotions that flare up in our heart when you glance into their eyes or hear their voice.
I presume being in love is just about convincing them you are still in love with them just like yesterday and the day before yesterday.

Until I have gone far, and found you.

The debate about fear lodged in my head, I perceived that my feelings were not enough to carry us further.
Sometimes my mind wanders on its own, it takes me to the time I have never sailed,
Showing me a big picture where you have fallen deeply in love with her whom you now recognize as someone who disappointed you,
Watching you invest all your life and death in her hands just to keep her — and you fail and fall.

I don’t know how many pages of the scenario have ended until we traverse in the same chapter. Two figures who never genuinely know who has ever made our hearts crushed and trapped us into a sense of being at an inch with death.

But it tells me you put your hope in me, and so do I.

I put hope in myself if I could draw the figure out of your fragile heart until love traps us on the same roof.

I might have to stop assuming, maybe you are my next lesson.

I’m sorry, I have never recovered from putting my hopes in what is present.