NourCreationz: Favorites

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

Roses.

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

xy

Roses.

Roses are red,
Her eyes are too.
Flooded with tears,
And bags dark blue.

Roses are dying,
Her pupils just drown.
But now she fell asleep,
Like the petals to the ground.

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

Distant memories

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

Shannon

Distant memories

i miss him
           not like
                  when you lose someone close to you
but like
       when the last petal falls from the last rose
                  when you know spring is over
                              and you wished you'd played in the rain a little more

#love #miss #him #sad #heartache #boy

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

Before you fall in love with me -

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

Shannon

Before you fall in love with me -

Stop.
You can't love me because you're lonely/
Or because  you're bored/
Or because  I am the only person who doesn't **** you off/

I want to **** you off/
I want to get on your ******* nerves/
I don't want the responisibility of/
always being your rock/

I  will try/
But I'm a mess too/
I lie, I sleep too much/
and i feel unworthy of love most of the time/

Truthfully/

I'm terrified of the idea of having kids/
because I'm selfish/
and mothers can't be selfish/
once they decide to carry another life/

I am always looking for the rain to come/
so i can trip over my own feet/
I know exactly how/
the air smells before a storm/

Before you fall in love with me/
I want you to know/

I cry a lot/
because it feels good/
I ******* at least 4 times per week/
and you might fall out of love with me before/
either of us are ready for it/

I have no experience with this.

I'm trying to be brave/
and smart/
but it's almost impossible to be both/
at the same time/

You can't love me like a fire escape/

Sometimes i will be the match/
or the smoke/

i don't know what I'm doing/
all i know is that/
we catch fire sometimes/
before we get warm/

Before you fall in love with me/
I want you to know/

That there is a 50% chance that/
this won't work/
that one of us will end up/
hating the other/

I will try/
to keep your head above the water/
but sometimes/
I will need help too/

I can't be your savior/
And/
I don't expect you to be mine/

Just watch me unfold/
and/
i'll watch you unfold too/

we'll get drunk/
and/
tell each other/
everything/

I know that's cheating but maybe it'll be alright.

Maybe we won't wake up embarressed.

I am going to fall in love with you/
too/
feet first/

Maybe we'll slow dance off a building/
together/
maybe we'll have forgotten each others names by/
this time next year/

I don't care/

the sky is grey with or without you/

so im not going to look up anymore/
im going to look ahead.

Adapted from the poem 'before you fall in love with me' by Caitlin S.

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

Untitled

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

Shannon

Untitled

there was a week
where everything crumbled around me
and the deaths of two i loved
changed me

there was a week
where you could find me in only two places
wrapped up in my duvet
or in a white sterile room

there was a week
where i didn't think i could cope
tears multipled, as did cuts
but i'm still here.

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

urge

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

Shannon

urge

wrist
itch
it's driving me wild
but I don't want to go back to being that person
so no silver today
and no red stitching tomorrow
I will be strong and bold
and happy.

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

I need you

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

Shannon

I need you

there are days where I sit and stare at myself in the mirror
picking apart every little flaw, every extra roll and
every bit that's not the right shape or colour
and I think, almost religiously,
that I am not good enough for you.

Becuase the truth is that I'm not.

You deserve sunshine and flowers on a summers day,
not a work in progress as dull as a winters night.

I say this to you and you pull your lips together with a sad smile,
look down at me
say
"But what if I prefer winter"

My boy that is not the point.
All I do is make you worry and I wanna be your sunshine but I just don't
think
i
can
be
that

yet

I'm a work in progress.
Incomplete
I was shattered just before we met and putting the pieces together
is
killing
me

And the things we don't talk about
things we shelve for a conversation in the
future.

involves things that only
"I love you"
might be able to fix.

through everything
recovery is hard
and each and every day is a choice
I need to make
to be better
and
I'm not always strong enough to make that choice.

I just want you to understand
my boy
my lovely amazing
perfect
boy

that sometimes I don't eat
and sometimes I want to die more than not
that anxiety is a being that rocks me
and sometimes I need the rush of pain
from scrubbing hard at my skin
or dragging a blade across it

it's not about you.
it's not something your presence is going to necessarily fix

But i want to try for you.
Maybe i can't be your sunshine
but maybe
i can be your cup of tea
your jumper
your girl
wrapped up in your bed sheets
on a cold winters night

you once said you had no problem
helping me pick up my messes
and if you stand by that

ill be your girl.
In whatever season you want me.

#love #lust #wait #needhopepainboy

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

Unconnected.

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

Camille lily

Unconnected.

I find myself drifting, drawn deep within myself.
Until I feel completely alone.
A horrifying kind of alone.
The kind that engulfs and terrifies.
An aloneness that I have learned to hide.
Disguised behind a bright smile and capable nature.
But inside I am crying an ocean.
Endless tears that stain my cheeks when darkness comes.
Anguish that swells and threatens to choke the life from me.
I am afraid in this unconnected place I inhabit.
So very afraid.

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

your voice

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

Becca

your voice

It's been a long time since I've heard your voice. I'm forgetting what it sounds like now. The only thing that can take away any pain and sadness. The only thing that can make me happy. Your voice can calm the sea. You'll never know what it does to me. I miss your 2am calls, your raspy voice telling me that I'm your forever. Falling asleep to the sound of you saying, "I love you. I love you. I love you. To infinity and beyond." I bet you don't remember the calls that had me crying in the corner of my dark bedroom. Telling me that you can no longer take the pain. Telling me you wanted to die. Hearing you cry and scream at the world for what it's done to you. That's a sound I'll never forget. Thousands of miles away, I felt so helpless. All I could say was, "I love you. I need you. I know it's selfish, but please don't leave me." One year later, I forgot what it sounds like to hear you say my name. Your laugh, your cries. I don't remember. Please remind me so I can sleep at night. The voice that used to calm my mind is now a distant memory. The same voice that used to put me to sleep is now putting her to sleep.

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

Still Broken

Mar 2018 NourCreationz

Midnight

Still Broken

I was under the notion
That I could use you
To tape together
My broken pieces

I was under the impression
That I could use you
To sew
My heart back together

But all of that
Is a dim illusion
Because I'm still
As broken as before

~~~~~~II~~~~~~

I tried to fill up
All the holes in my heart
With you
But you don't fit

I feel like I'm looking in
And watching us kiss
I'm not in the moment
I'm somewhere else

I tried I really did
To love you
And make this work
But I'm still broken

#still #broken #heartbreak #illusion