They didn’t quite know how to express it, but deep inside, they, too, were afraid of losing someone they love. Pride often stood in the way, a shield built from past pain and lessons learned the hard way. They had always promised themselves never to repeat the mistakes of their past, never to be as vulnerable as before.

There was a longing in them, a quiet desire to know what it felt like to be cared for deeply, to be love like a child for once. But in trying to protect themselves, they may have gone too far. The very walls they built to keep heartbreak out had begun to suffocate those who tried to get close.

They didn’t regret building those walls; they were necessary, a form of survival. But a part of them did wonder, had they shut out the very experience they longed for? The chance to be loved for who they truly were? Perhaps. And yet, even with that bittersweet truth, they carried on, not with bitterness, but with acceptance. For now, that was enough.

N O I R

I know this might not apply to everyone because we all view life through different lenses. But from where I stand,  I believe that It will never fully work between two individuals—who don't share the same perspective and perception in life. I understand that the concept of successful relationships is for  people to meet half way. And it will only work if both sides choose to understand each other even though, each and everyone of us came from different backgrounds, live in different worlds, and somehow found a little bit of common ground. Yet, it will only happen if two of them are patient enough to understand, to listen even when it's uncomfortable, even when it's hard.

But here's the truth: for me, I find it difficult to understand someone, who is far different from a life so unlikely of mine, the rules, principles, beliefs, their way of thinking, it's hard to adjust, to adapt to the world where I don't really fit in. It doesn't make sense to me. I find myself questioning everything. I wonder what's really right? What is wrong? Was it all a habit ? A cycle that has been passed down from generation to generation? I'm pondering,  why is it so hard? Why love, feels like a contract, a negotiation— erasing parts of your identity, to fit in someone's world where I don't really belong.

I DON'T THINK I CAN DO IT, AND THAT'S OKAY.

We all know that the environment where we grew up, is really a sensitive topic and often misunderstood. It breaks us, it hinders us, it builds us, and when two people meet who come from a different world, it's difficult, it's hard, it's like a job— there are many sacrifices also lapses, it's tiring, exhausting. I'm somehow afraid that one day, I will lose my freedom, my principles and values which I uphold, the things I stand for. I don't want to lose myself.

Am I liberated for thinking this way? Being liberated means being free to do everything you wanted, without any restrictions. Not in a modern or wild way, perhaps the fact that I also think of myself, of my own peace, the freedom that I had. For acknowledging differences instead of  forcing people to conform to the pattern of each world. I'm honest about my limitations, of what I think. I am a vocal person. I don't accept everything for the sake of fitting in, especially when it goes against the principles and values I uphold in life. In choosing not to lose myself just to make something impossible to work. Maybe liberation for me is walking away from things that no longer give peace, no longer feels right, even when it's almost everything I wanted.

N O I R.

We drift within vanished memories, our obscured
individuality.
Each experience —
a hollow fragment of oneself we can't hold.
Our hands though clasped,
can never tangle into one.
No storm could shatter the walls each long hold.

Our souls orbit in polyphony,
never quite colliding.
Intimacy pirouettes at the extremity of an abyss–
silently.
A fissure runs between two hearts
beating synchronously,
yet searching solitude.
Our hearts–
a silent sea where longing wanders away.

I trace the marks on your face,
quietly, deeply.
Hoping a map could lead to the depths,
of your soul.
But I am trapped in shadows of uncertainty,
where words flounder
and secrets lie.
We lean towards one another,
yet inwardness no matter how close–
guarantees a distance.

Perhaps we aren't lovers but actors playing.
Here I am lying –
in the void of emptiness,
refusing to accept that distance kills intimacy.
In my mind,
remains fragments of our memories.
Maybe we never truly found love–
only lost in each other's embrace.

@noirwhisky