As I write this poem,
Barrelling toward me are
College applications and
Dual enrollment classes.
Everybody dreads it but
For most of my life, I anticipated
Going to school with the
Hectic excitement that comes from
Imagination only a child can have.
Just like every year since
Kindergarten, I seriously
Lack confidence in
My ability to do what I
Need to do in order to
Overachieve as expected, but unlike
Previous years, I
Quiver with exhaustion earned by
Regurgitating information about
Systems that I will never
Truly need, but am tested on.
Useless, useless, useless,
Very, so very useless is how
We feel now, both the lessons and I.
Xanthan complexion, nauseous, nervous,
Yellow like the school buses I want to
Zap away, but climb aboard anyway.

Winter morning sunshine
I feel like rubbing my feet
Her voice is rather sweet
But her lips stink of brine

Blood on my lips
Hers rather dry
Winter morning sunshine
Now mine smell like brine

Not the sorrow of regret
Nor the V of indignation
I just feel like winter morning sunshine

Here I was worrying about your soul,
While you destroyed my entire core;
I was waiting at the door,
But you made my entire body sore.

I gave you pieces I couldn’t afford,
Believed in things I could not ignore,
But your silence, it cut me to the core,
A thousand wounds, yet still, I swore.

I built you up from broken parts,
Gave you shelter, gave you heart,
But you tore apart what I had made,
Left me here in the cold, afraid.

I kept your name in every prayer,
Hoping you’d find your way to care,
But you, you vanished like the air,
And now I stand, unsure, aware.

Did you ever see the weight I bore?
The cracks beneath the things you swore?
Now I’m left with nothing more—
Just shadows knocking at my door.