Tonight I cannot sleep
My head is screaming loud
I stand at edge, so steep
I stand and stare, no sound

Last time I saw your face
I saw your grace, as well
as glass thats lost its place
glass, no one else could tell

shattered glass no one saw
rested upon your cheek
to the 'round of your jaw
with pinned lips you couldnt speak

as broken legs can't walk
your broken lips can't talk

She makes me smile like
cold air, full moons and oceans
for that I'm thankful

I wake up.

Head to the bathroom and brush my teeth, wash my face, fix my hair.

I check my closet, rummage through the mess of clothes, grab my white t-shirt, black pre-torn jeans and clean underwear. Put them on and walk to my door.

I slip into my chuck taylors and grab my hoodie slumped over a chair.

I grab my keys and one last thing. Hung next to my keys is a smile. Worn and broken. Wear it like a mask hooked ear to ear.

thursdays are special
not because of some superstition or tradition
but because it's that one day of the week
our schedules allow us to meet
not in between classes like the rest of the other days
it's a day we have, more or less, to ourselves

on thursdays we go out to the restaurant
where strange things have happened
we watch a movie
may it be in theaters
or through the glass of your laptop screen
sometimes we just lie on your bed
until our heartbeats sing the other to sleep

i like thursdays
but i know you haven't been your best lately
like the whole world is swallowing you whole
and everything leads you to jump off the 25th floor
but please don't go
we still have adventures to go on
giants to conquer
movies to watch
strange moments to experience
we still have more thursdays together

these ******* words just dont feel right anymore

My fingers feel numb and my pen has run dry.

I've been sitting for hours just thinking of the right rhymes

the right words, phrases that would catch the eyes of readers

I became a ******* factory.

Cold, spewing out the same generic **** over and over.

No wonder **** felt wrong.

I have not been free. I want to be free.



I want to be free of everything. Leave everything.

but love. Love is not free.

Love is binding, love is heavy, love is painful

and I dont want it.

it seems though, I have no choice.

and as if some unknown force ordained it to be

this binding

this heavy

this painful love of mine

chose you.

you



I was ready to be free.

I had sharpened the pen that would write the final farewell on my wrists, I had convinced myself that I was ready to be free.

but then I realised today was Thursday. We usually go out Thursdays. Have lunch or watch a movie.

Maybe I wasn't ready to be free yet. maybe.

Life's kinda like being held at gun point.

Showing everyone you're ok

Acting natural.

when you're freaking the **** out inside.

10:23: Hey, I miss you.
11:47: I hope you're okay.
1:19: Please text me back, I'm worried.
2:10: Come back. Come back. Come back.
3:14: I'm so sorry.
3:26: I love you. Please reply.
3:58: Okay, well I'll be here if you need me.
4:17: I love you.

He never replied, but I'm still waiting.


          

                                 B.S.