We grew up sad kids
learning lonely like the back of our hands
getting used to the idea that loneliness
was normal. It was ok.
It crept into our bones so much so that
in a crowded room the chatter was drowned
out by sound of your beating heart
loneliness became less about the physical lack
of people around you and more about
Isolation.
For a second that seemed to never end all humanity
left you. And now you were not one of them
you were different.
But tonight lets put loneliness away
just you and me
let us, for once, feel like we aren’t so different
lets feel like the sun in the sky??
well, god made it for us.
Just you and me.
For tonight, even if just for tonight
lets not feel “alone”
For tonight, lonely hearts beat loudest in tandem.

Why the **** should I forgive you?

Why should i give you space to breathe when you

yourself gave me nothing but a heart black and blue

wrists cut to ribbons and a complex that says i’ll never

ever, be good enough.

for anyone

I want to hear you scream at the top of your lungs

Im sorry

It isn’t your fault but i find you the most convenient

one to blame. You did nothing but live and breathe

but you whispered hope into my ears

and I guess that was my fault for attempting

to decipher what was plain and simple

Im sorry

but  I need to hear you say it

I need to hear you swear it like you mean it

Im sorry

The day is winding down, 5:49pm. He sits in a room full of people, alone. Music blasting in his ears to numbs his head, keeping away from people is this easy. Her words still ring in his head.

“Go **** up somewhere else”

Reminds him of watching his family time as a kid. Family time where mom cried, dad screamed, and this little runt crept under the blankets reciting to himself “Blankets keep the monsters away”

“Leave us the **** alone”

His head was beating now, it hurt so much. He couldn’t shake the constant THUMP THUMP THUMP in his head. He thought how maybe his head would explode and it’d be all ok after that.

“Do you want to ruin every one of my ******* relationships”

He didn’t understand why anyone would be like this. He was broken everywhere and he was surprised there was something left inside him to break, maybe thats why the thumping in his head grew stronger.

“I can’t believe you lied to me to my face”

They echo in his mind. He meant every word to her. He told her how he felt and sure he made mistakes but his heart was sincere. He didn’t lie

He looks around. So many people laughing and smiling and cheering. How the **** could they be so happy, don’t they understand whats happening. This man is at the edge of his sanity and people are laughing, being happy all around him. Can’t they see shards of broken glass in his eyes? Either the rest of the world is oblivious or they just dont care. Both equally terrifying.

He waits another second, closes his eyes, and shouts. When he opens his eyes all he sees is black. Dark. He blinks and stutters until he shakes the dark off and he sees everyone doing exactly the same thing they were doing.

He packs up, swallows the words, feelings, screams building up in his throat and leaves.

It used to come like breathing
breathing
Simple, straightforward.
now its different, you make it
different.
Clear and unclear. I cant tell.
Wanted or unwanted
You don't if you want me to
leave or stay
I want to stay.

I actually stopped chewing charcoal
stopped spitting dark words
stopped so you wouldn't have to
cover your face whenever I said
"hello"
Im back now, not that great
but good enough. You could
do much better. But I hope you'll
Stay. Hello.