there was always a comfort,
fabricated as it may have been,
in the way I knew how bad it was

just by the footsteps

I'm afraid in your search for god I'll only make the distance grow.
My mind is open to yours, the gates have been flooded.
I want you to be happy,
though, I don't know if I'm what's best for you, or your lord.
I pray for your protection because I love you, not because I'm god fearing.
I haven't been afraid to die for a long time, becoming a tortured soul for all eternity, or becoming subjugated to your lord in heaven.
What I'm afraid of is not living a full life before I go.
I'm sorry if that's selfish.

i am here
You are there
Why are we apart

a kaleidoscopic version of me, twisted and shook
to look like broken stained-glass.
really just beads in a toy
lined with mirrors.

With desperation dripping off my chin
I scurry around this way and that
Trying to catch up the herd that
Knowingly is leaving me behind

I trip on stones I couldn’t see
Through all the rainstorm on my face
And stumble even further back behind

With need that pushes hunger off the list
I strive for things not physical
But nebulous and indistinct
That shimmer in the distance
And are always out of reach
         ljm