The kiss of the man,
The scar on her head,
She saw the darkness in her.
The wrist that she cuts,
The wall that she punched,
She didn't speak that much.
The love she gave was never enough,
All she ever was her body,
Not her soul, not her heart.

I enter the bathtub filled with warm water
To wash away the stress and trauma.
The liquid which used to bring me so much comfort
And so much fear.

The water i used to warm my hands with,
The water i used to make food i hoped no one knew about,
The water i gave my dying dog,
The water that kept me alive.

And i sit there, thinking about it.
About everything that can happen
In the span of 4 years.
Earth is a strange place indeed,
As it is filled with water.

you're not sleeping well,
every next new pill
is but a means to an end,
and it barely means anything at all.
if you dream, you fall,
and that fall's prolonged
by every mantra that someone
advised you to try,
by every breathing exercise
to the sound of the rain or the sea,
and the only thing you see
is the fear of losing your mind.
there's no chemical relief
as there is no magic spell,
for what it's worth
you've tried everything
just to keep your eyelids closed
a little longer.
nothing's working,
you're not sleeping well.

I want to do something
But I can't seem to do anything
I just sit on the couch
Cat on my lap
Blanket over me
And read

Everything I write
Right now
I feel isn't complete

I want to get up
And walk with my music outside
But I'm tired
Why is this so hard for me?