How do I
make the stars fly
so I may wish forever
That peace be easier
like simply drifting
down the river
Drift
until
the water
deepens
and you start
to sink
You can watch the bubbles
dancing with the stars
A smile frozen in time.

.
                                                    y.
        ­                                          k
           h  until you reach the s
         g
        i
fly h
and then tumble
                             d
                               o
                                 w
                                    n
                         ­             to shatter against the
                                                                ­         g
                                                               ­            r
                                                                ­            o
                                                   ­                           u
                                    ­                                             n
                                                               ­                     d.

This is a force
Which has shaken me to the core;
I am irreversibly changed by your love.

There is a place
where thoughts are left for dead
Unseen, unheard
Unwritten, and unsaid
A dark place deep
In the dismal abyss of the head
Where the cold bites sharply
And shadows scream
with voices so high
They cannot be heard
except for above,
only in the sky.
I have a castle there,
I built a palace out of words
And underneath,
below the dungeons filled with traitorous thoughts
Under the bellies of my demons
There is a place
where thoughts are left for dead
Unseen, unheard,
Unwritten, and unsaid.

All I want
is to write a love song for you
but all I can think about
is trying to stay strong for you.
There is a monster under my bed
who likes to crawl into my head
and he’s making it hard for me to think
happy thoughts
And I’m trying so hard
to think about you
because it’s the only thing
that will get me through
And all I want
is to write a love song for you
because I want you to know
that I’m fighting for you.

Surrealism clouds my brain
Covers up my eyes
Makes me see
More
Nothing is quite real right now
With movie clip memories
flitting through my mind
Brown eye
Blue shirt
Just a streak of red
I don’t even remember
What it is I said
I breathe, and create a frigid breeze
That sweeps through my veins
After whispering through my hair
I’m soaring high on
The song in my head
It’s not just in my ears,
It’s all around, to remind me I’m not dead
This beat boosts my step
And sets me apart
Im not in this real world
Where streets are lined with broken heart
I still feel, I’m still alive
I am trapped in this surreal state of mind
And it’s okay, oh, it’s okay
To cry blue paint tears
And abruptly explode into porcelain bits
Because I know I’ll just reform again
Dry-faced and smiling again
I can see my own smiling face,
But I don’t have a mirror
There’s something wrong with her eyes
But it’s too late to figure out
She’s disappeared, she’s shy
And all that’s left are the tears
That fell from the skies
I’m not here, I’m not real
Just let me believe that I’m not real
I will sit in this fantasy world
And I will cry away my pains
And once I’m free and dry-eyed again
I’ll shut down the beat,
I’ll enter reality again
But it will always be
**surreal.

Like a typical teenage cliche,
my emotions simmer under my skin
surge through my veins
scream for release
I'm begging for release
I am FRAGILE
Handle me with care
If you drop me I might explode
Into a million pieces of
a once-whole girl.
*Not so whole anymore

i.
his fingers
trailing down my spine and
his breath on my neck just before
his lips trail sparks across my skin

ii.
my lips
pressed against the smooth skin
of his neck, the vein there pulsing as
his heartbeat quickens with excitement

iii.
our fingers
twined together tightly
as our lips meet softly and
we breathlessly promise our love

If I could stop time, I would,
right here, right now,
and wander this cold,
starry night.
I’d sit on a ledge
and ponder the end
before walking away
because I remembered.
I’d dip a toe in chilly waves
and try to keep demons at bay
as they try to drown me.
I’d head back home
to be safe and warm,
and remember that I don’t have
a home,
just a house with strangers
sleeping inside;
I don’t know my own life
anymore.
I’d look at the clock,
stuck at half past the dark 3 —
sigh,
and let time slide its way
through my skin
to drown me in
sorrow, regret, and anxiety.

You surprise me
with things that
no one else has ever done -
You're a fresh thought, a kindred spirit,
someone I know I am safe with.

Read from the bottom up!*


to c r u m b l e.
appears
The world
our eyes.
through
Uncertainty floating
violet sky
FaLSe rEaLitY
them high
G
N
I
K
C
A
T
S
words,
G
N
I
D
L
I
U
B

With the crystal frost
comes the screaming demons
comes the whisper of death
comes the need for pain
comes the numbness, never-ending.
With the death of summer
comes the death of smiles
comes the freezing of hearts
comes the shadows in the corner
comes the voices, dancing.
With the fading of the sun
comes the fading of joy
comes the quick, red lines
comes the hopelessness
comes the tears, spilling over.

Ah, you're warm and safe,
yet distant, a little bit cold
It'll take some getting used to,
but I'm willing to try.

Shard of ice

Stuck in my heart

Forever it grows

Trying to tear me apart

I shiver and shake

Earthquake of cold

Cracks spread across skin

Heal into silver lines of old



I don't know why

I'm frozen

I don't know why

I've grown cold

I don't know why

I can't stay warm

I don't know why

I am ignored



Silver skates

Leave red lines

Gaps that spew red

Brand pain into my mind

Numb is broken

Only by this pain

But still there is

Absolutely no gain



I don't know why

I'm frozen

I don't know why

I've grown cold

I don't know why

I can't stay warm

I don't know why

I am ignored



I only know

That I will die

I only know

That I will die

I only know

That I will die

I only know

That I will die!



I don't know why

I'm frozen

I don't know why

I've grown cold

I don't know why

I can't stay warm

I don't know why

I am ignored

I am ignored

(Frozen)

I can't stay warm

(Frozen)

I've grown cold

(Frozen)

I am frozen

You put the smile back
onto my face,
the warmth back
into my heart,
the life back
into my world.

My cheeks are still warm
from the blush you left me,
and I can’t get your smile
out of my head
(Not that I’d want to)
I worry that I’m falling too fast,
but my heart is a force to be reckoned with,
And it’s set a course to you.

It seems inhuman
that I can be so calm
when we're suddenly "just friends"
and the last "I love you," is still echoing in my ears
but now that you're gone the hidden emotions crash into me
like that **** motorcycle

**I just want our future now.

My words have collected dust.

Somewhere,
the time was lost,
or perhaps
simply the motivation.

When did this dream fade so fast?

Where did I lose the pen,
spill the ink?

I’m grasping for the tail end
of even a single word,
and here it is:

Return.

I am ghost.

I am faded,
not really here.

I sit,
I speak,
I play along.

I am faded paint
on a broken doll
with glazed eyes.

I am the raindrops
that throw themselves to the ground
and explode.

I am the spirit
that hovers in the corner
and watches
every
little
thing.

silence.

I am
the dust that
settles
in the corners
you can't see.
I float in the light
and savor my freedom
until the dark
forces me down
again.

I am ghost.

Spider weave their webs over my eyes
to hide the once-bright green inside
To cloak my brain in agony
To shield me from the sunlight

I lift my coat-hanger limbs
And dance with darkness
I let the demons drink my blood
I let the ghosts take naps in my gold-straw hair

Ah, I am a ghost, too
Ah, well I should be
But, ah, a little secret saved me
A fairy tale turned true

A knight saved the princess
From her dusty dark dungeon
He kissed her and woke up her gravestone heart
And she realized the magic of a smile

But even as they journeyed on,
They danced and kissed their way forward,
The shadows danced with them,
The ghosts stole me away from him

Don’t take me away from him
Don’t take him away from me
Don’t let him turn away from me
Don’t make me dumb enough to turn away from him

I’m just another ghost girl gray,
Eyes cloaked in spider-thread
Limbs outlined in paper and streaked with blood
I dance with my demons,

Even as I believe in love.

A rise of notes

A quickening of breath

A sudden explosion

of sound that never left

my ears.

It still echoes

never leaving my mind

It leaves a terribly beautiful

memory behind.

Ghost of a song

Of sadness, of pain,

of beauty that through music

shall forever reign.

It twirls and spins

through the chasm of my brain.

we live our days,
we glimpse one another,
our lives pass by quickly,
and that may feel like a bother.
breathe, and blink,
look around and listen,
live what's around you
while there's still time to glisten.

Where did they go?
To a place unknown
where the wind doesn't blow
and the bravest don't go.

I don't know if I'm happy or I'm sad,
Or maybe even mad
It's possible that I'm insane
Somewhat broken in the brain
I'm crying inside
But keep a smile on my face
Because I don't want anybody to know
Who I really am
I don't want my lost love to know
That I'm falling apart and I'm fixing myself
The pieces are crooked and not quite right
I fall apart again every single night
But my skin is made of steel,
I have a heart of gold and diamonds
I will always shine no matter if life drops me in the mud.
I can be in the deepest pit, and you'd still see me shine
Because my love is strong and my faith is right:
I believe not in the invisible ruler
But in myself - I have the strength to do it,
Anything.
So yes, I'm broken, yes, I'm bent
But no matter how long I have to cry and vent,
Someday I will rise and fly
Like the prettiest songbird in the sky
With my love by my side and my kin nearby
I will fly, I will fly, and I'll keep shining
No matter what life brings my way.

A swell of golden fire
Burning in my heart
Shimmering through my capillaries,
Burning in my veins
It grows to set my soul on fire;
It burns to make me weep
Tears of sun, blindingly warm and sweet
Like honey on your tongue
Whenever our lips meet.

It's
hard
    to watch
        as
time
     simply

*disappears.

I f I wake before I die

Defy the pain of life's lie

Carve goodbyes into my skin

And scream to release the truth within

Lay me down six feet deep

Because I have no soul to keep

Let me wander lost forever

Until I vanish into the never

I don’t understand
how we could be so cruel.
We mold our words into weapons
and force survival of the fittest,
And if you’re too weak to withstand the blows
then you’re pushed off the cliff, off the chair, knife to your throat.
We’re not afraid to harm our own,
to beat them, to cut them, to shoot them, to ****;
We’re not afraid to spill blood
that is the same color as our own.
Why is that we are so primitively cruel?
Centuries after we first became,
centuries after we needed to fight to survive,
we still rely on bloodshed to prove our worth.
It makes me sick,
to know that I am one of a species
that is smart enough to understand feelings,
But abuses that understanding.
It makes me sick,
to know that someone could easily fire a gun
in the store that I shop at
just to hear the screams, see the tears and blood,
fear and pain,
Terror.
The only thing that eases my nausea
is knowing that we can be good, too.
We can love, and fight for love,
We can defend the ones who are weaker than we are.
Who would have thought
that the battle between good and evil
truly is fought every day,
but by normal humans rather than superheroes?

I want to look
at the wall
and see colors
sprout like birds' feathers
Swirl into shapes
and bring dreams to life
The nightmares
will be dark and cold
with a splash of hellfire-red
The daydreams
will be exquisite and vibrate
with a hint of sky-blue
And the feathers will come together
Form a bird whose name is secret
And fly away into the moon
With the stars trying to drown it.

Scratch the letters into the tree;
Our initials, with a “4ever” added on.
Graffiti love, public and permanent.
Anyone can see the marks,
which will never fade away.

I shouldn’t miss you this much.
I shouldn’t miss
our car rides,
your music,
the conversation.
I shouldn’t miss your company,
even when rain clouds lingered.
I shouldn’t miss you
for hurting me this way.
You knew it would hurt me
and you did it anyway.
I should be furious,
screaming in rage,

but I miss you.

Randomness
I'm just typing
Just letting everything escape
Endlessflowoflettersandwords
Nospacesnecessary
Okay, fine, I'll use the space bar
But only because
it would be nice if
You could actually read this.
I'm just typing,
Keys click-clacking away
Tap-tap
cLICKETY_cLACK
RaNdOmNeSs
and insanity
Hand in cold hand
Shivering

If I am hiding
behind the shadows
of the day,
Shine your flashlight
into my face
to lure me back out.

If I am bleeding
from terrible wounds
that are unseen,
Whisper a magic word
that becomes medicine
to heal me.

If I am cracked
and falling apart
bit by bit,
Grab some duct tape
and smooth it over the cracks
to keep me in one piece.

If I am gone
and you cannot find me
no matter where you search,
Brand my face into your mind
and keep it there forever
to remember me.

The paint has been scrubbed
from my weary glass eyes.
I see now that which
I simply could not see alone.
He has scrubbed the paint
from my weary glass eyes
and shown me the truth -
I am not gray.
I am black and white,
harsh contrast.
I am
a broken glass heart.
Don't leave me alone,
or the monsters will toss me from my stand
and I will shatter again.

I am
a girl
with a black-and-white stained brain.
Harsh contrast.

I hate the fear
I hate the way it boils in my belly
Climbs up my throat
Tries to make me scream
I hate that way my heart trembles
Hate the way it shakes in my chest
I hate this feeling
called fear.

At first the
blade’s slice is slow,
But I quickly realize
that it’s much better
to make quick strikes
across my skin.
I lose myself
in the sound it makes,
the satisfaction of each
red line.
I suddenly cap the blade
and toss it away
and let the tears roll down my face.
What have I become?
I hate myself.

I’m sorry
that I leave
so many ghosts
behind me
every time
I try
to love.

Shh,
The ghost is in my eyes again
Shh, it’s okay,
Just let her stay,
I’m okay
Shh, just let her stay,
Just for today.

He sees too much, he feels too much
He knows too much and he grows too much
He's bleeding inside and he cannot let it out
He crying behind the grin and he cannot show the tears
That mask, it's permanent
Like the scars on my own arms
That smile, where is it
Mine comes from him
That heart, it's hurting
I hope I can save it.

Sometimes I want to delete
the poems I wrote when I was
full of romance.
But that would be cruel,
to erase beautiful words
simply out of anger.
So I leave them where they are.

feel my heart
beat beat-beat
beating faster as
our eyes lock

I feel a smooth, syrupy warmth building in my chest
and spreading through my body
as I gaze into your eyes

feel my heart
beat-beat-beat
beating faster as
you take my breath away

Slowly, we close the gap between us
until our lips finally meet
and a slow flame burns bright in my veins

feel my heart
beatbeatbeat
beating faster as
feather-light souls reach out and embrace*

We melt into each other, lost in passion
and the world around us vanishes
as our souls touch and we promise our love

Do you know how much I love you?
I’m going to tell you:
You are my everything.
You are the breath in my lungs, and you are my heartbeat.
You are my sun, my moon, my stars.
You are my sky, my galaxy, my entire universe.
You are my North star, my guiding star,
the light that I seek to guide me through my darkest nights.
I would give my last breath for you,
I would give my heartbeat for you.
I would take a bullet to the heart
or a knife in the back
for you.
I would move mountains,
part oceans,
I would move the heavens and the Earth for you.
I would walk through the bitterest blizzard
or the cruelest flames
for you.

In ancient India, there were Sati wives.
A Sati wife loved her husband
completely and unconditionally,
and if her husband was killed
in battle or in hunting, in work or in illness,
then she would grieve with all her heart for him.
And when the day of his funeral came,
and the funeral pyre was lit,
the Sati wife would throw her body onto the flames
in a final act of love and devotion,
because she would rather die than live without him.
If we lived in ancient India,
I would be your Sati wife.
If you were to die,
I would throw my body into the flames
of your funeral pyre,
because I could not bear to live without you.

I love you
completely,
unconditionally,
purely,
thoroughly,
with all of my heart
and with every single cell, fiber and molecule
of my being.
Every new cell that forms
to replace a dying cell
loves you more than the last,
and as a result,
I love you more every single day.

You are
everything
to me,
and I will never stop loving you,
never stop caring for you,
never leave your side.
Even when I’m far away,
I will still be with you
always.

I
love
you.

I love you
so, so, so, so very, very much.
♥

I do not write
from my head
where too many thoughts
tend to foul my words.
I prefer to write
from the heart,
where every line and lyric
rings clearly, true and pure.

Last November, you gave me your heart
But a year to the day, you took it away
This year, to spare all the tears,
I'll save mine for someone special
But, baby, all I want for Christmas...
is you.

Remember the pain?
Remember the sadness?
Remember how
you wanted to die?
You thought you would die.
But something changed.
Someone came
into your life, promised to stay
And healed your heart
He completed the impossible task of healing you
But you were not completely fixed
You were better, but the cracks were still there
And you struggled silently, barely even telling him
You were still in pain, so much pain
But you knew you had to open up and tell him
You told him the truth, everything
You told yourself the truth, too
You couldn’t battle the demons alone
And when it all came down onto your head
You screamed and tried not to cry, you said
“I almost wish I could be dead!”
He was so scared, so scared of those words
You saw the fear glisten in his eyes
But you weren’t there to see him cry
As he made sure you wouldn’t say goodbye
He spoke the words you didn’t have the courage for
And the walls of the dark, cold box you were in
came crashing down around you
The sunlight blinded you, but you felt better
basking in its warmth
The pressure of the secret was gone from your chest
And when you saw him again,
After what he’d done, his fear was clear
Scared because he’d broken your trust
But you broke his, it was only fair
When you’re soul mates, pain is something you share
You promised him you were not mad,
In fact you were honestly quite glad
He saved you for the second time
And you felt an overwhelming gratitude
Because with him you knew there would be no more solitude.

Is it really possible that
I could be hiding
a vicious monster
under this bright smile?

Yes.

Hello, distant lover
Remember me?
I've been waiting here in silence
For you to once again greet me
You've been lost for a while, I hear
And you're not quite sure what to do
Here is just a small reminder
for you, my distant lover:
I am always here for you.

Hello, Love,
Who did you see today?
Has society been treating you well?
You always look beautiful to me.
I don't care if you're uniting two boys, two girls, or one of each,
because you look beautiful everywhere.
I hope you're never lonely,
even though lonely love does have a certain beauty to it.
You're beautiful, Love,
I keep saying it,
and it's just so true.

Why is it so safe here?

In this spot of my loneliness

Nothing makes sense, nothing should
feel like this

But here I feel

safe

even though I am here without

you

*maybe that's what I needed
was some time

alone