I know,
I know you’re there.
I know that you’re waiting
to sink your fangs
into my brain
and leave me crying
from the sudden pain.

I know that you’re lurking
right on my shoulder,
claws on my neck
and tongue in my ear.
“Soon, I’ll return.
Soon you’ll be
with me again, my dear.”

I shudder at his embrace,
but it is so familiar
that I cannot help
feeling safe.

I know that you’re angry
about what she did,
but attacking me for
her decisions
will only drive me away.

I know you don’t understand
how someone could hide
behind a false family,
but we weren’t false.
We were just safe.

She decided to take a risk for love,
and now she’s happy,
and I am proud.

Crystalline tears
that never really fall
They hide, shimmering silver, just behind her lids.

He sees his reflection,
multiplied in iridescent triangles
But she denies the sorrow, not quite hidden,  not really gone.

She breathes him in,
denies all fears and tears,
She just keeps whispering fractured reassurances.

When he’s away from her,
he sees the poem she left behind
Now he’s scared, he’s terrfied, he’s afraid for her crumbling mind.

And she lies alone
inside a home that’s much to cold
She wishes for his prescence, just a single glimpse.

He waits for her,
wonders if she’ll ever call,
A black and empty screen haunts his fitful dreams as he dozes off.

She wishes she could call
but unwilling Fates refuse to remove the wall
And she lies alone and tries so hard not to cry

Alone, he sits
with tear-and-blood-stained melodies in his ears
He floats on the rythmns and wonders if she can stay strong.

A flashing blade
keeps invading her mind,
but she shakes it away, screams at it to go away, she can’t give in.

He’s counting down
every single second that remains
Until he can finally hold her again, finally wipe away her tears.

She’s fighting so hard,
using every weapon and shield she can
To stop the demons from tarnishing her heart and soul beyond recognition.

They both lie alone,
they both wonder about the other,
as she hides her tears and he hides his fears.

Hello, Cupid,
what are your plans for me this year?
I've been lucky for a while now,
but today might not be the same
This guy that I've been seeing,
well, we're not quite really dating?
And he told me last night
that he's not very lovey right now?
Sooooo
I guess today is a single girl's day...
But, hey!
There's still plenty of time
for a V-Day surprise:
roses at the door and Mylar balloons galore
A box of chocolate hearts and
A kiss for the Miss?
There's still an entire day,
so, Cupid, don't waste it away,
I really do love Valentine's Day.

Hold me, shield me
I am scared of the
Darkness that is creeping close;
Every night it moves closer.

This is a pocket of safety,
a family not quite mine,
a home so different
from my own.

This is a peek into his past,
a life I didn’t know,
a history I can’t imagine
so different from my own.

This is a glimpse
of what the future may hold,
of people I may better know,
an environment that I can call
home.

I won't give up
I don't give up
I can't give up
I have not given up
*on you.

A sad house now,
A sad house appears to frown
It’s missing something,
Just like she’s missing something:
A piece of her heart.

For months I have lived
in a house without a home,
surviving as a shell.

With you I find
a home again,
not a place,
but a person
filled with love.

Where is my home?
A year later,
the answer
is still
unknown.

I skip over
the days,
always running away
from the end.

This house fits
like an old, hole-ridden glove,
uncomfortable but soft.

I need space,
but cannot stand
the emptiness.

But with him,
there is no silence.

There is sound
all around him,
and every touch
feels safe.

I want to leave
this house behind,
but I am scared.
I do not belong,
even tonight they want me to.

But I cannot breathe
in this little green house,
and I cannot grow.
This family is not really mine.

Who is?
He is.

I'm so tired
of trying not to drown

How many times
have I said it already?

Too many.
The waves won't stop.

I get pulled further
down every time.

Are you all down there?
Sunken to a fathomless darkness,

Reaching and clawing for air
until hope finally failed you?

I wish I could pull you back,
but wishing is a waste of breath.

I'm haunted by the ocean,
and the faces I cannot see.

why is it,
i wonder,
that we create so much hatred
to fill the world
in a an attempt to erase
the joy, the happiness, the light?
is it just
human nature?

Anticipation is bittersweet,
trying to taste the moment
before it touches my tongue;
I am desperate to devour the flames,
but I must be careful
not to swallow too fast for fear that they will burn me.

I am gray.

I am somehow both messy and organized.

I am both happy and sad.

I am asleep and I am awake.

I am smart and I am stupid.

I am dark and I am light.

I am gray.

Unknown.

I think I am floating
just above my head
I am not in my body,
nor am I dead
I'm just a little bit
disconnected
Is it normal, is it right?
Should I know the power of mind-flight?
I am not properly attached to the world
Reality is losing its grip on me.

I am weather.
I am unpredictable.
You think
you know
what I'm going to do,
but then I turn around
and surprise you.
I
am sunny for a week straight.
Next week, I'll barrage you with snow.
Sorry.
I could be raining, but I could have the sun still shining
high and bright.
I am
unusual
and
annoying.

No one has the patience for me.

They want sun, sun, sun
all the **** time,
but sometimes I have no choice
except to just
rain
and
rain
and
rain.

I wish I could always be sunny,
always keeping you warm,
but if I stay sunny for
far too long,
I'll burn out.

So I have to rain,
and I have to snow.
And sometimes I never know
when the storm will hit.

I am weather.
Can you survive me?

Girl stands all alone
shivering in the cold,
With bones made of ice
and a heart encased in stone.
Who is there to hold her?
Who is there to keep her warm?
Who is there to help her,
to shield her from the storm?
She can taste the ice in the air,
she can feel the frosty blows,
She can take a falling snowflake
and touch it, still cold, to her nose.
She sings out loud in a crystal tone
and screams when the sun shatters it,
She dances on a stretch of thin ice
and dares her feet to break the surface.
Girl falls into the icy pond
and shivers shatter her bones,
So she closes her weary eyes
and sinks down to her home.

I sit and I shiver
I shiver until I shatter
I shatter into stained-glass bits
Pieces of stardust trapped in the fragments
of me.

Every day I fall
Into
darkness
Into
a
deep
dark
pit
The doctors call it
depression
I just say I'm
lost
And
every day
as I fall
I realize that
every
day
could
be
my
last

When you say
that you are nothing,
I fear for you.
When the words that leave your lips
are shrouded in darkness,
I fear for you.
When you look as though
you're about to cry,
I fear for you.
I love you,
and I don't want you to be lost, and
I fear for you.

He asks me to keep him alive
And after his voice has faded away,
I close my eyes, and imagine him gone
My soul is immediatelying torn to shreds
I do not wish to see him dead,
For his voice to be absent from the world
If I could not see those great brown eyes,
Well how could I live, if not here for him?
If he is gone, who am I?
Empty, lost, alone
I would be a shell of me, and that's if I could even go on
No, I do not wish the see him dead
The simple thought tears my soul to shreds.

I got lost today.
I got lost in a place that I
should never get lost in,
but somehow I just keep taking the wrong turns.
I got lost today,
got lost in my own head,
not sure where to look
and not sure what to say when
I could ask for help.
I keep getting lost,
and when I come back home
and tell my friends and family,
"I'm sorry, I got lost again,"
they throw fits and ask me why I don't
try to find a way to fix it.
Do you think I don't?
But maps are annoying, and a GPS is just so expensive,
and I could just buy a compass
but I'll lose it by next week anyway!
So I guess I'll just keep getting lost,
keep taking those wrong turns
until I can finally know
where I'm supposed to go.
I just hope that somebody will know
where to look for me
if someday I don't find my way home.

i have been gone
but now i am back
the monster is hiding
ghosts flinching away
because sun is much too brightly shining
and they are eternally frightened of the day
yes, i have been gone
but now i am back
and i am not haunted anymore.

Oh, my God,
I think I'm actually going to
cry.

Why am I always abandoned,
why am I always alone?
Why am I always left to wander
down this dismal road
s o l i t a r y
With no one to turn to,
no one to cry on,
no one to tell  me that
they care;
Why am I always shoved right back
into this nightmare
right when I think I might be okay?

Why do I suffer this curse, this
disease
of solitude and fear?

I’ll meet you in Dreamland,
my love,
Where distance does not matter
and time does not exist -
We may lay in field
of fragrant flowers,
entwined together for hours and hours,
Forgetting the pain of
the world outside our eyelids
So that we may enjoy
the warmth of our hearts.

Indigo tides surge,
threaten to pull me away
into the realm of eternity.

Occasionally, I let them
draw me just a little
too close

before finally leaning
away from the depths
to feel the sun’s glow.

The ocean,
So calm just yesterday,
Is now roiling and gray, dark gray,
Almost ink-black
The waves stretch their tips towards the sky
Screaming “Why?!”
I feel it, they want to devour me.

In
   side
my
    head
What
        is
lurking?
           I
just
     do not
know.
         I'm
sorry.

Curious thing,

fluttering wings

Shedding dust

like iron sheds rust

Under glass dome

Ding-****, ding-****

But this bell does not toll

The only sound is wings against glass

Tap-tap, tap-tap, crystal sound

Big blue wings, curious things,

Why are they so blue?

The pen swirls a net to try and catch

The blue that fills the glass room

The drawing is done

Pointy silver, topped with a sphere,

comes out to play

The wings flutter, flutter, flutter

Fall still

New glass, flat sheet

Like ice on the road

No longer a soundless bell

Inside of which is trapped

a beauty

Unable to escape

Never to be set free

Flattened under ice-sheet glass

Curious thing,

Museum thing,

No more fluttering wings.

Anger
building
and boiling
I want
to scream
Fury
that has no reason to invade
has taken over my brain

you're
stuck
in
my
head
as
though
planted,
growing
and
invading.

I
don't
want
to
clear
you­
out.

What do I say
when I haven't written in
so long?

Day by day,
everything just feels like
a thick fog–

Nothing is clear,
I can't see far ahead;
I've just been walking forward
to where?

So I just haven't been writing,
haven't been glowing, feeling
like I can exist.

I try to reach
that gleaming surface–
I never even knew I sank.

Never knew I was stuck here
in the cold again, wading
through another storm.

It's so quiet now,
settled into my soul like a routine;
Here we go again.

If I keep swimming,
I can't drown.

If I keep walking,
we'll make it eventually.

I wish it wasn't so cold.

I catch a glimpse of the past, not mine,
The pills slip down one by one
It frightens me, reminds me of fragile time
Itchy rope, cut the rope, don’t choke
I catch a glimpse of actions, not mine,
Silver tip tinted with crimson, blood drops on tan skin
It frightens me, reminds me of fragile time
Who need a knife when you have nails?
I catch a glimpse of shadows, not mine,
Insanity creeps closer with June
It frightens me, reminds me of fragile time
*Hope starts to slip at the thought of being alone.

I didn’t realize
that the door was closing
until it slammed in my face
and left me sitting in cold silence.

I wish

I could tear open my chest

and reveal my pain

for the world to see.



I wish

I could rip my soul to shreds

and put each piece in a bottle

for the ocean to carry away from me.



I wish

I could detonate an explosive

inside my head

to expel the screaming demons inside.



I wish

I could run from the light

and merge with the dark

so nobody can find me.



I wish

I could scream forever

until I explode

and free myself from this torment.



I wish

I could learn

how to see the sun again.

I wish I could say this
In a place that you would hear
But you are already gone, I fear
But if you're still alive, listen close, my dear:
I know that the pain is strong
Maybe you can't even feel it anymore,
There's just so much.
I know your heart is broken,
Your life seems quite lost,
But time heals all wounds, have you heard?
Patience and faith can help you through
Not faith in a deity but faith in time
Time will pull you through
And if you die you leave us behind,
You leave him, he who love you
He hurts, too, and he's lost
He's in the darkness, I don't know where
He's wandering so close to the edge
And he can't even see it
If you're gone, he just might find it...
And fall.
If you're gone, you won't be the only on affected
at all.
A death affects a wide range of people,
From a family
To a circle of friends
To a school of over 2,000 people
To even a community, a town full of strangers
No one wants to hear that Juliet is dead again
And Romeo lost his way
14 years of age, now that's a confusing time
Certainly not a time to die
You're not Juliet, you still have a life!
And Romeo, oh, Romeo, he can still find you again
Someday
When you're not a little girl and he's not quite so young
When you cannot be controlled anymore
Then, if you still want him, if he still wants you,
Then you can have him, and he, you!
It takes patience, it takes time, and yes, there's a lot of pain,
But you can survive, I know it!
You'll be okay, I can feel it.

I wish I could tell you this
Standing in front of you
With a hug and a tissue,
Maybe a cookie or two

But I'm not, I'm miles away
So it's up to you to
Raise your voice and cry for help
And learn what patience does.

On the river lies a school
Flooded with knowledge and pride
Wearing shades of violet and forest-green
On the rapids we will ride

James River, school of excellence
We wear our blue ribbon proudly
Like the river, we flow on
Nothing will break our bonds

Diversity is not a shame
We will find friends for all
Together, strong and unstoppable
We are two thousand growing minds

James River, school of excellence
We wear our blue ribbon proudly
Like the river, we flow on
Nothing will break our bonds

When I stand outside
surrounded by January
and open my mouth wide
The air that slides
over my tongue
tastes like winter, like
snowflakes and icicles
Cold and sweet

I taste it inside, too
and I'm amazed
when I look at my home
and see that it is not
made of ice cubes
that form a white dome
and a tiny door
and a frozen home

Even wrapped in layers
of blue cotton and wool
I tremble and vibrate
I shiver from the cold
and that sweet icicle air
crawls down to my heart
freezes my blood
turns my skin to ice

January
is far too cold
for me

Today started off
weary and cold
and I shivered through the early hours,
Kept warm only when in soul mate’s embrace.
I wandered through the day, ghost girl in blue and gray
With words of tears and chords of fury
deafening me to the surrounding crowd
I opened my eyes and ears only
for him
and closed my face to all other creatures.
I spent the day swallowing a scream
and when home reached out to pull me
farther into winter
I wrapped my fist around my growing tears
and spun the volume dial up a little higher
And home again, colder still
I buried myself in words and voices,
poems and lyrics,
and disappeared from the real world
and emerged inspired and feeling a bit more whole
Comfort foods for dinner
Hot water streaming down my skin
I battled the voices that begged for blood
For the first time, I won, I came out with no blood lines, so thin
And I buried myself in words again, leaving my head open to air
And I feel a bit better, I do, I do
Tomorrow is a new day, it’s true, it’s true.

Shh! Don’t tell!
I am melancholy
As the day weighs down my brain
And I yearn to sleep, to forget
Shh! Don’t tell!
I’m still sad, do you see it?
I hide shadows just beneath my eyelids,
I hide tears behind my teeth
Shh! Don’t tell!
I still get so melancholy
Even though I thought the darkness was gone
But there will always be a shadow here, I suppose
Shh! Don’t tell!
Well, they wonder why I cut
They wonder why I don’t cry
Well, maybe I’d rather feel pain than die
And maybe it hurts too much to cry
Yes, I know, that makes no sense
But I’m clearly not quite right in the head
Don’t tell my soul, don’t tell my heart
Don’t tell them I still may fall apart
I’m not dying, I’m not giving up
I’m just a little melancholy
In the morning, I’ll be okay,
I hope.

Hush, my love,
Don't be scared
I won't let them hurt you
Those demons who wish to leave you scarred
Just stay close to me,
I'll take the blows instead
So, hush, my love,
Just breathe for me.

But.

I know you are, but.

But what? Is this so
inconceivable?
So inconvenient?

We don't control these things,
not forever.
Perhaps when we're young
and scared,

So when we finally settle in,
into our own skins,
everyone has
something to say.

"But this isn't who
you used to be;
this isn't who I know-"

Well, I'm more myself
than ever before,
and I refuse to fall
into your perfect view.

I feel safe
just out of focus,
and there is where I'll stay.

Breathe.
Close your eyes, feel the sun on your face, and breathe.
Close your eyes, feel the sun on your face,
listen to the rustle of leaves, and breathe.
Close your eyes, feel the sun on your face,
take in the scent of dew-coated grass and bright blossoms,
and breathe.
Now open your eyes,
look around;
It's a beautiful view, is it not?
The sun filtering through the leaves,
bright and green;
the blue jays swooping over your head,
streaks of blue and gray and black;
the fresh lilacs, roses, tulips, and peonies,
sweet-smelling rainbow;
Look up:
there's a real rainbow, left behind
by the clear, clean rain that just passed by.
This is a beautiful world,
keep it that way, please
Keep this world beautiful.

Trembling leaf
barely hanging on to the
ice-coated branch
It shakes as the wind swirls around it
in circles
hanging on by such a thin little stem
Hang on tight
Just hang on
'till spring.

There’s a lot of emotion
hiding here
that no one is aware of —
there’s so much heartache, so much pain,
that makes me feel every decision was made in vain.

I’m so tired
of the past,
of things I’d rather just forget.
I’m choking on memories
and drowning in nostalgia.

My room smells like
spaghetti
in a peaceful meadow.

It's a gentle death, a slow dissolving of energy, dissipating in a dramatic burst of color.
   The leaves flutter their tips in the chilly wind, and the fire creeps throught their veins.
   The flames devour healthy chlorophyll, changing healthy green to vibrant orange and crimson.
   As the wind drops in temperature and rises in cruelty, the leaves shudder and tremble, feeling the looming grasp of death, fearing the desecration.
   They crumble, leaving nothing but brown ashes scattered carelessly along the grass and pavement.
   The tree shivers in the cold, turning its face to the sun to wait for fresh, newly green leaves to bud; it waits for the warm rebirth of spring.