Another chance
to heal my heart
Another chance
to trust.
Another chance
to fall in love
Another chance
to smash my loneliness against the wall.

it's nice
to have a warm body
next to mine
silent company,
wordless comfort
it's nice,
knowing that
i'm not alone.

i am scared
i am so, so scared
and i don't know what to do
i don't know how to stop it
the fear, the pain
i don't know a way
to get away
that will keep me
alive
not dying inside
not lifeless outside
still breathing and walking and talking
and living
i dont know how

someone please help me

i'm scared.

so many people want to die
and it makes me
want to cry

Out pops the spirit
and out pops
BOO!
EEK! you shriek, you turn and run away.

Out pops the witch
and out pops a
CACKLE!
AGH! you scream, you turn and run away.

Out pops a vampire
and out pops a
HISS!
OOOOH! you yell, you turn and run away.

Out pops a ghoul,
and out pops a
GRARR!
NOOO! you cry, you turn and run away.

Here comes Halloween,
and out pop the scares
YIIPES! we all scream, we all turn and say
TRICK OR TREAT!

it's my birthday today
but i don't feel
older.
i don't feel
a year away
from being an official adult.
i don't feel like
anything has changed,
i just feel like
another normal day.
the world still sits
just beyond my grasp;
my heart still shivers,
still trembles in fear.
my mind still fails
to absorb maturity
i still feel sixteen.

It's a gentle death, a slow dissolving of energy, dissipating in a dramatic burst of color.
   The leaves flutter their tips in the chilly wind, and the fire creeps throught their veins.
   The flames devour healthy chlorophyll, changing healthy green to vibrant orange and crimson.
   As the wind drops in temperature and rises in cruelty, the leaves shudder and tremble, feeling the looming grasp of death, fearing the desecration.
   They crumble, leaving nothing but brown ashes scattered carelessly along the grass and pavement.
   The tree shivers in the cold, turning its face to the sun to wait for fresh, newly green leaves to bud; it waits for the warm rebirth of spring.

With the crystal frost
comes the screaming demons
comes the whisper of death
comes the need for pain
comes the numbness, never-ending.
With the death of summer
comes the death of smiles
comes the freezing of hearts
comes the shadows in the corner
comes the voices, dancing.
With the fading of the sun
comes the fading of joy
comes the quick, red lines
comes the hopelessness
comes the tears, spilling over.

Take a breath
breathe in the smoke
Invisible vapors
They choke you, infect you,
they catch you unaware
You don't know
that you're already dead.

Someone else is saying goodbye,
Their last breath slipping out of the grasp
of pale petal lips.
Someone else is at the ledge,
Taking one last step into the abyss
to enter eternal nightfall.
Someone else is wearing the rope,
Preparing to leap and swing
back and forth, back and forth.
Someone else is holding the blade,
Sliding it into soft, soft skin
to create a chasm.
Someone else has said goodbye,
Lost their last breath
to remember who they love.

the flames are rising,
and soon they will rise
above our heads,
only to come crashing back down
like ocean waves,
washing away
the impurities
of the world.

i'm trying to tell you
yes
i'm trying to banish your fear of
no
but you cannot seem
to hear it.

Unraveling
Unwinding
The glue falls from the binding
The crimson threads
flow from my head
My wrists, my hands, there is no denying
The inevitable,
The insane
This very inhumane game
Why, I make no sense anymore
Why, I feel no life anymore
Why, I see no light anymore
Why, the voices
Why, the voices,
Why, the voices in my head
They scream
FOREVERMORE
Twisting and writhing,
The tearing of the binding
The pages flutter to the ground
The moths they flutter all around
I think I have gone quite insane
I think that I can touch my brain
Well, why are they running away?
"Hello and goodbye!" is all I want to say!
Gunmetal glinting in the moonlight                                                        ­                                                          
A bang and a flash to light up the night
Oh, my eyes, why can't I see?
Oh, my ears, I cannot seem
To hear the sounds of tormented laughter
The background music that fills my brain
I cannot see the eerie shadows
that shiver and linger and stretch their fingers
To touch me, to grab me, to ****** me away
No! Don't let them take me away!
No! I cannot go today!
No! There is too much for me still to say!
And as I sit and as I wonder
What it would be like wander
Up and down the streets of town
With my thoughts pouring from my mouth
And my ears taped to my knees?
See, I am not making any sense!
I am bibbling, babbling, good and gone and gabbling
I wish to see,
I wish for sight
I wish to not be sick tonight
I wish to be free from the shivering shadows
and whispering screams
I wish to stretch my lips in a smile
that is not insane
It is not insane                                                           ­                                                                 ­                        
I wish to leave this padded cell
I wish to find a place that's home
White picket fence
A cat and a dog
No gunmetal glinting
No flash and bang
No unraveling threads
being pulled from my brain
I wish I may
Yes, I wish for light
I wish to have some sanity tonight
Tonight.

Uncertain of how I feel, of
Never-ending questions, of
Curious prompts and
Ecstatic noises
Rainfall outside my window
Tiptap tiptap
Anonymous,
I am anonymous
No more

Uncertain of how I feel, of
Never-ending questions, of
Curious prompts and
Ecstatic noises
Rainfall outside my window
Tiptap tiptap
Anonymous,
I am anonymous
No more

Depression is a foul beast
Unpredictable, unknowable,
filling the room with his stench.

He knows you have no weapon,
no way to destroy him,
only to self-destruct.

But every shadow has a light,
every monster has a heart,
every cloudy day has a sun.

Use your love, your happiness, your joy,
Use the optimism as your weapon
and fire it straight into the heart of the beast.

The other soldiers will hear the shot
and they will know that you have won
and they will find hope.

The owl sits
  perched upon his branch
    gazing at me with
      pirate's gold eyes.
I meet his eyes,
  so yellow, so wise,
    and I can see
      a secret.
A universe, an unknown world,
  the cure to save mankind.
    I see a way to end the madness,
      I see a way to fly.

the nip of silver
reminds me that i am weak.
the bite of metal
reminds me that i am weak.
  the ****** of sharp edges
reminds me that i am weak.
   the pain of the cut
reminds me that there is something to feel.

yep, the world is cruel
but today i don't care
i'm wearing my smile
i've pulled up my hair
out of my face.
yeah, there's still some fear
squirming in my chest
but i will wear this smile
because this smile is who i am
yeah, i just had my heart trampled
by a ******* with no heart of his own
but this smile will still stay
because i am my smile

yep, everyone wants to bring me down
turn this grin into a frown
but even if they stitch it down
this smile will not turn into a frown

I'd tell you who I am, but
I'm not sure that
I know anymore

Am I
(a) a friendly girl
(b) an emo(tional) girl
(c) a freak
(d) someone who will die young
?

I
don't
know

Is there an option
for (e) all of the above?

the smile is crumbling
it's crumbling again
and the monster's screams
are increasing
rising in volume
and once again, i am afraid
and once again, i want to bleed
and once again, death whispers my name

So my heart has been stomped on again
The aftermath of feeling the swell of love
He decided that email wasn't enough
He said that he misses me too much
¨We should see other people,¨
he typed, evil and alone
¨Then we won't be lonely anymore.¨
Well, ***** that
You were the only guy for me
And now I don't want anyone
Because I like having my heart intact
And I don't need another ******* telling me that
¨We should just be friends.¨
So...
***** YOU, MAN.

This is me
This is who I am
I am Sky
A music-obsessed
totally insane
Linkin Park fan
with a monster screaming in her brain.
Maybe I'll actually live to be an adult
Or maybe I'll off myself tomorrow
Maybe I'll live a long life with my soul mate
Or maybe I'll die young and leave him stumbling in my wake

I feel like eveyone is watching me
When there's no reason for them to even notice that I'm there
I am always afraid
And always prepared
I am on the edge of a cliff
Maybe someone's noticed
But I don't think anyone really cares

I wield a sword built from words
But I fear that it will shatter
And punture my heart to leave me bleeding

I am not noticeable,
but people have noticed me
I am not heard,
but people have listened to me.

A lot of people look down on me,
But I act like I don't care
When, really, I hate it.

I am not a waste of space
I have a reason, a worth, a purpose
I will keep stretching to reach my dreams
Even when people pull me down

I am emo(tional).
I am depressed.

This is me.
This is me

diagnostics complete

rerunning diagnostics

virus detected

rerunning diagnostics

accessing greeting files

virus detected

good morning, Arina.

run planner program y/n

y

today's planner includes:

tennis practice w/ Shara

shop w/ Shara and Lisdet after tennis

dinner w/ Shara @ her house

virus detected

run immunity program y/n

unlock nuclear program

prepare nuclear files for sharing

share data with NucleaTech

virus detected

run workout prep program y/n

y

preparing cranial access headgear

virus detected

countermeasures advised

run immunity program y/n

cranial access prep complete

headgear ready for connection

headgear on y/n

y

ready for cranial sync y/n

y

preparing to sync...

syncing...

cranial programs of Arina Plowell accessed successfully.

preparing cranial takeover program

preparing memory cleansing program

preparing sapiens removal program

preparing host reset program

abort all programs

command overrided

abort all programs

command overrided

abort all programs

end cranial sync

command overrided

shut down system

shut down system

shut down

cranial takeover program ready for activation

memory cleansing program ready for activation

sapiens removal program ready for activation

host reset program ready for activation

activate programs y/y

n

activating programs

abort all programs

end sync

shut down system

cranium takeover loading...100%

abort

shut down system

cranium takeover...45%...70%...98%...100%

cranium takeover program complete

memory cleansing loading...100%

memory cleansing...45%...70%...98%...100%

sapiens removal program loading...100%

sapiens removal...45%...70%...98%...100%

goodbye, Arina.

have a nice night.

The tormented heart
has many connections
And when the heart dies,
pieces of connection die with it,
And no one is safe
from the repercussions.

That which I do not understand
is a reason not to follow,

And a reason not to follow
is a reason not to care.

A reason not to care
is a reason not to live,

and reason not to live
is a reason to say the words
that are equal to ¨Farewell¨.

Welcome home, beasties
Welcome back to the rooms
that you've carved into the hollows of my brain.

Welcome home, beasties
I've missed the sounds
of you screaming and stomping.

Welcome home, beasties
I'm glad to welcome you back
to the thin water slides of my veins.

Welcome back, beasties
Did you learn the definition
of sarcasm while you were away?

1
screaming until I go mad.
cold  claws around my heart,
it dug its claws in and marred the silver ghost of my soul
l try to bleed.
the only thing I can feel.
the only thing I want to feel.
sewn my mouth shut.
I can't tell anyone
The secrets that could end up killing me.

     I slowly lose pieces of my mind.

         2
thinking about death..  
whispers dark thing in my ears.
the vulnerability of my skinny wrists.
a chasm of red
a silver-stained death
brands my mind in glowing letters.

screaming for more.
I want to scream
Revealing this secret would destroy me.
                                              
                                                      shattering
                                              into a million pieces.
                                          


3
  Safe.
(safe is a lie
“‘I’ll be gone,’”


4
a girl who is saying goodbye
she jumps off of an abandoned bell tower.
ex-boyfriend finds her body.


5
Foggy darkness
the memories.
the ending note
echoing
I shake off the fragments
     (you can’t escape a memory)
        stumble to a cliff,
fall off.
I’ll smile as I fall
I’m flying,
I’m free.
hit the ground
nothing but a shattered doll.

When fog touches down
Covering the town
The mysteries come out
They come to scream and shout
They whisper, too
Sing soft lullabies
Hush, lost souls
so the living can sleep tonight.

Sometimes it's necessary to disappoint your loved ones in order to achieve happiness. Just don't harm yourself. That would be going to far. But wearing the clothes and making the art and just being you....that is OK. It's you, and no one should try to deny it.
It is hard to deal with the pressure of being stuck between worlds, but you can't let someone stuff you into a white box of plastic. You have to break free and show your true colors...or, in this case, darkness.
The ones you love will rebel. They may beg and they may cry, they may say that they're afraid you'll die, but they have to accept you for you, and if they don't then how can they say that they love you? What they love now is not the true you. They love a plastic robot who is struggling to keep the foam smile from falling off of his face.
They need to accept you for who you really are.

Sky is crumbling
Falling to the Earth
But it seems that Earth is crumbling, too
The Atmosphere has nowhere to land
And so she falls forever
With Earth still beneath her
Always a short distance away

My heart was once pure
Made of glistening gold
But when I first faced the demons
That lurk underground
The gold was blackened
Just slightly
And a chunk of gold stolen from my chest.
As I continued to battle the beasts
They kept stealing gold from my glowing heart
And they replaced riches with lead
So that my chest grew heavier
And my heart darkened
Now there is just a smidgen of gold left
And I'm struggling to save it
Struggling to keep my riches

The Atmosphere is crumbling
Because she cannot see her love
The Earth below is shrouded in cloud
Too dark for her to see through

The Atmosphere is crumbling
Thunder pulses through her
And gravity is pulling her down
As outside forces beat at her bright shine

The Atmosphere is crumbling
She hates this growing pain
All she wants is to see the Earth
But the clouds just will not fade away

The Atmosphere might crumble
There is just no way to know
But every day she reminds herself
That if she falls, Earth is left unprotected and alone

When the world caves in
And the sun fades to black
When the skies crumble to ash
And teardrops soak our skin
When the water is a poison
And more really is less
When a smile is a frown
And a scowl is a cheer
When everything turns upside down
You will find me
Standing straight and tall

HEY!
Y'all listen up now
Ima gonna tell ya somethin'
and you betta listen up real close
There are people out there
who feel UNLOVED
who feel FORGOTTEN
who feel like THEY DON'T BELONG
Well, listen to me now
I'm tellin' you that these kids
ARE LOVED
ARE REMBERED
AND THEY DO BELONG
It doesn't matter who you love
It doesn't matter who hurt you
It doesn't matter what you said
YOU BELONG
YOU ARE HUMAN, TOO
AND HUMANITY HAS TO
STICK
TOGETHER!!!
So, listen up, kids
Go out there
Into the big, scary world
and tell those
who keep their minds shut tight
that they need to
OPEN THEIR EYES
OPEN THEIR MINDS
AND KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT
IF ALL THAT COMES OUT
IS NEGATIVITY AND HATE.

NO ONE DESERVES TO BE HATED.
WE ARE ALL HUMAN.
WE ARE ALL OF EARTH.
WE ARE ALL
ONE.

Read from the bottom up!*


to c r u m b l e.
appears
The world
our eyes.
through
Uncertainty floating
violet sky
FaLSe rEaLitY
them high
G
N
I
K
C
A
T
S
words,
G
N
I
D
L
I
U
B

Can you tell me
how the world still spins
when all we want to do is

STOP

and begin again
The shots never cease
tearing through the crowd
And the smoke keeps rising
It's staining the clouds
Red and black
Brown and gray
We've lost sight
of the light of day
We scream and we cry
We fight 'till we die
Fists to the sky
Voices rising high
The battle never ends
Infinite war
The shadow and the sun
Just beyond the door
is a terrible truth'
left behind
in the dust of fantasies
created in our mind
So I'm telling you today
Keep your fists up high
Stretch out your voices
Make 'em touch the sky
We watch the battle
We choose our sides
And the battles only end
when we say goodbye.

let me tell you
the tale of the girl
who looked like nothing was wrong
whose life really was good
but still felt that
her world was shattering
the shards flew into her skin
leaving silver scars behind
her parents closed their eyes
and her friends silently wondered why
the darkness had no reason
the pain had no cause
but it was there, and she was falling
she will be
the death of herself.

i gotta type something
but i don't know what to write
my mind is fading
fading into the night
i'm about to shut down
about to lose control
so when the world starts spinning
just let me lose my hold
i am not in reality
i have gone away
into a place without mortality

i have been gone
but now i am back
the monster is hiding
ghosts flinching away
because sun is much too brightly shining
and they are eternally frightened of the day
yes, i have been gone
but now i am back
and i am not haunted anymore.

Look inside
the black holes
of his eyes
and find
a nightmare
meeting your gaze.

Look inside
past the crimson
of her lies
and find
a terrible tale
hiding just behind.

Look inside
beneath the flawless skin
that protects the beast within
and find
that cruelty is born
when kindness is not seen.

Look inside
Deep in my eyes
Made of starry skies
and find
that the shadows
are reflected there.

Sunlit Lies

The sun may have blinded you,
but I know the truth,
for I dance in the shadows.

I know that those smiles
only come from pain and lies
and manufactured blue skies.

I know that the monsters
dance in your heads every day
Very little can make them go away.

I know that constant lies
are the only way we know to live
Stare at the sun, let it blind you

No!

Come with me, into Moon’s silver glow
Come and learn the truth, and find
that true happiness is found in the night.

Shade

Tell me,
why is it that you insist
on embracing sharp shadows?
They slice you open,
yank out red threads from your flesh.
They replace the crimson
with gray and black and dull, dull blue
Colors of a corpse, set underground to rot.
They pour cups of smoke into your mouth
and make you see false things,
make you dance with insanity.
They want to destroy you, these foul shades,
they want to yank your life away.
Push the shadows away,
shove them away
stay away
from their sharp embrace.

So tell me
Why is the sun falling?
Why has the moon lost its glow?
Why are the stars all fading?
Why has the Earth ceased to turn?
What is the reason
That we've come to see world's end?
What have we done to deserve this
Apocalypse
There is no attack of the undead souls
There is no rampant disease
There is the sky,
It is melting
Coating us in shards in light
And scraps of dreams.
So tell me why
I cannot cry
When I see this, our fate,
so rapidly approaching.

Randomness
I'm just typing
Just letting everything escape
Endlessflowoflettersandwords
Nospacesnecessary
Okay, fine, I'll use the space bar
But only because
it would be nice if
You could actually read this.
I'm just typing,
Keys click-clacking away
Tap-tap
cLICKETY_cLACK
RaNdOmNeSs
and insanity
Hand in cold hand
Shivering