Only half a soul resides
inside a human casket
Just 50% of ethereal being,
feeling,
self.
And many live unaware
of what they truly search for
They think that they are empty
because they have no money
They think that they are empty
because they have no hope
But truly they are empty
because they only have half a soul
And everyone, yes, everyone,
has someone to someday meet
And every soul, yes, every soul
had another half to greet
So keep your feet moving
no matter how weary the journey
Your soul mate is waiting for you
and emptiness will be but a memory.

When dark clouds shade my sky,
I feel that I am blind
I have a broken, stained glass eye
And there is no road ahead for me to find.

But now there is sunlight
peeking through the smoky grey
filling my entire world with light
and granting my wish for a brand new day

You take my hand, and guide me on
Your soft kiss reminds me how to feel
I feel as though every teardrop is gone
and ours is a fate that we can seal

We will greet the sunrise together and find
That there is way to leave darkness behind.

I never ceased to be amazed
by the power of our love,
by the gentlest caress,
by the sweetest kiss.

I’m still so baffled
as to how this is happening
as to how I’m so lucky
as to how this is even real.

And I swear, oh, I swear,
my love for grows every day
my love for you will never die away
my love for you is here to stay.

All I want
is to write a love song for you
but all I can think about
is trying to stay strong for you.
There is a monster under my bed
who likes to crawl into my head
and he’s making it hard for me to think
happy thoughts
And I’m trying so hard
to think about you
because it’s the only thing
that will get me through
And all I want
is to write a love song for you
because I want you to know
that I’m fighting for you.

SCREAM
release the rage, the pain, the fear
just
SCREAM
it’s better than bloodshed,
the shedding of crystal tears
it’s so much better to
SCREAM
but screaming just isn’t enough for me
Something inside me is begging,
pleading on it’s knees,
so hungry for blood, for pain
it claws at my insides
wraps spindly fingers around my bones
it stretches my hand towards the blade
even as I say “NO!”
I have to fight it, I have to force it away
But this is only possible
with a picture of you in my brain
I think of you, asking me to stay strong,
and it makes it a bit easier
for me to hang on
to the thin thread of sanity
and I
SCREAM
at the demon inside,
I beg it to go away
It releases my bones, but in my head it will stay
promising to return again another day.

Alice, Alice,
little yellow-haired Alice.
falling through the rabbit hole,
drowning in your tears;
take a sip from the golden bottle,
it’ll help you escape your fears.

I don’t understand
how we could be so cruel.
We mold our words into weapons
and force survival of the fittest,
And if you’re too weak to withstand the blows
then you’re pushed off the cliff, off the chair, knife to your throat.
We’re not afraid to harm our own,
to beat them, to cut them, to shoot them, to ****;
We’re not afraid to spill blood
that is the same color as our own.
Why is that we are so primitively cruel?
Centuries after we first became,
centuries after we needed to fight to survive,
we still rely on bloodshed to prove our worth.
It makes me sick,
to know that I am one of a species
that is smart enough to understand feelings,
But abuses that understanding.
It makes me sick,
to know that someone could easily fire a gun
in the store that I shop at
just to hear the screams, see the tears and blood,
fear and pain,
Terror.
The only thing that eases my nausea
is knowing that we can be good, too.
We can love, and fight for love,
We can defend the ones who are weaker than we are.
Who would have thought
that the battle between good and evil
truly is fought every day,
but by normal humans rather than superheroes?

This room where I hide,
it is filled with the stench of
winter, and shallow loneliness.

Rosebud in my chest
It’s been closed for so long
There were times when
I felt like it would open
But it hid from the light
and curled its petals a little closer together.
But this rosebud is open now,
It’s blooming in brilliant shades
Passion-red and love-flushed pink,
hints of purple from inpired inks
An exquisite bloom that continues to grow
with every fresh kiss,
with every new poem
Ah, I’m blooming, blossoming bright and strong
The sun can finally warm my petals
after hidng in cold shadow for so long.

White sorrow stained
my midnight blue heart
Unreasonable, no truth behind the pain
“Just normal feelings,” my mother tried to explain
But is it really normal
to feel like my heart is being torn apart?
Is it really normal
to spend every day suppressing a scream?
Mother, dear,
these are not normal feelings,
these impulses to bleed and die.
They are curses sent down
from an unknown hand
They are chemicals staining my blood
I swear I can see the colors on my razor blade
These feelings are certainly not normal
they are a cruel disease
And my cure is waiting behind the shadows
I take his hand, and I fly.

“If I told you I was going to die tomorrow,” she asked, “What would you say to me today?”
“Why? Are you going to die tomorrow?” he replied.
“No!” she answered, voice swollen with certainty. “I’m just curious.”
He gazed at her for a long time, then answered her question. Love softened her eyes, and she smiled at his answer, showing her approval with a kiss.

The next morning, glass shattered and tires screamed, and no one saw it coming.
She didn’t even feel the impact.

He found out through a crackly announcement, stained with shallow losses.

He spoke his answer twice, and the second time was over her coffin, pale wood painted midnight. His words fell with his  tears, staining the blue with white sorrow.

“I will never forget you, never take you out of my heart. Even though you’re not here, our souls are still bound for all eternity. I swear that I will find you again someday.”

Here I stand
Knife in hand
Red-stained metal
It's not blood, I swear
It's jelly, it's jelly, red red jelly,
I swear, I swear!

Inscribed in the tear-stained stone
Two dates:
a beginning and an end
Birth day and day of passing
Time spent walking as a physical body with emotions
The span of emotions and memories experienced
Before Time nibbled the soul, liked the taste, devoured it
Stole it away
Leaving just an empty shell
Blank face and marble skin
Tear-stained stone remembers the name
once memories are long gone,
But memories will take hundreds of decades to fade.

Today started off
weary and cold
and I shivered through the early hours,
Kept warm only when in soul mate’s embrace.
I wandered through the day, ghost girl in blue and gray
With words of tears and chords of fury
deafening me to the surrounding crowd
I opened my eyes and ears only
for him
and closed my face to all other creatures.
I spent the day swallowing a scream
and when home reached out to pull me
farther into winter
I wrapped my fist around my growing tears
and spun the volume dial up a little higher
And home again, colder still
I buried myself in words and voices,
poems and lyrics,
and disappeared from the real world
and emerged inspired and feeling a bit more whole
Comfort foods for dinner
Hot water streaming down my skin
I battled the voices that begged for blood
For the first time, I won, I came out with no blood lines, so thin
And I buried myself in words again, leaving my head open to air
And I feel a bit better, I do, I do
Tomorrow is a new day, it’s true, it’s true.

Footsteps
scuffing the pavement
Then another set, coming quickly behind
Turn, and lock eyes
With your Fear
Freeze!
It looms over you,
heavy breath and acrid stench
You can hear its heartbeat, pounding hard and loud and fast
You can’t take your eyes away from its face;
So horrible, so terrible and grey
Blazing eyes and heavy breath;
the stench clogs your throat so you can’t breathe
And you heart starts running to match the beast’s
Panic!
How to escape, how to get away?
How to be sure that you will live another day?
You swallow the heavy stench that fills your throat,
you put a hand to your heart and breathe,
you narrow your eyes at your Fear, you say
“Begone, foul beast, I do not want to play.”

it’s baffling,
the way the poetry forms.
one day, there are no words
and you’re left in silence.
the next day, you’re exploding;
firewords streak the sky and stain the clouds with ink

it’s intriguing,
the infinite possibilities of a poem

    d  the words up, then b
   l                                                r
  i                                              e
u                                                  a
b                                                        k   them down

spin the letters
         r    r
     o           o
u     and       u
   n             n
        d    d

it’s magical
how a few simple lines can be made into a work of art
it just depends
on the how the w o r d s
are   a
        r
                   r
     a
               n
          g
   e
                      d.

ah, poetry is its own magic.

I tell you a lot;
I tell you with my poems
I tell you my sorrow;
I tell you my love
I tell you demons in my head;
I tell you daydreams in my bed
I tell you what cannot be said aloud;
I tell what no one seems to have found
I tell you a lot with these swirls of ink;
I tell you now, to read closely and discover how I think.

Crystalline tears
that never really fall
They hide, shimmering silver, just behind her lids.

He sees his reflection,
multiplied in iridescent triangles
But she denies the sorrow, not quite hidden,  not really gone.

She breathes him in,
denies all fears and tears,
She just keeps whispering fractured reassurances.

When he’s away from her,
he sees the poem she left behind
Now he’s scared, he’s terrfied, he’s afraid for her crumbling mind.

And she lies alone
inside a home that’s much to cold
She wishes for his prescence, just a single glimpse.

He waits for her,
wonders if she’ll ever call,
A black and empty screen haunts his fitful dreams as he dozes off.

She wishes she could call
but unwilling Fates refuse to remove the wall
And she lies alone and tries so hard not to cry

Alone, he sits
with tear-and-blood-stained melodies in his ears
He floats on the rythmns and wonders if she can stay strong.

A flashing blade
keeps invading her mind,
but she shakes it away, screams at it to go away, she can’t give in.

He’s counting down
every single second that remains
Until he can finally hold her again, finally wipe away her tears.

She’s fighting so hard,
using every weapon and shield she can
To stop the demons from tarnishing her heart and soul beyond recognition.

They both lie alone,
they both wonder about the other,
as she hides her tears and he hides his fears.

I should be touching the stars still
Because I have you, holding me in your arms
But I'm slowly falling again
About to hit the ocean's roaring surface
About to shatter, then sink
So hold me close, and never let go,
promise me
If I break, you'll piece me back together
Promise me
If I wander away, you'll follow me
You'll find me and bring me home
Promise me,
promise me,
promise me
You'll only ever tighten your grip
but don't smother me, no
Help me breathe
Just promise you won't give up on me
When I am falling, you'll catch me
promise me,
promise me,
oh, please, promise me
you won't leave me to fade away
alone.

Scared to live
Scared to die
Trapped in a paralyzed
state of mind
Hold me close
Let me feel your beating heart
Remind me that I’m alive
That I am not falling apart
I hate it when monsters whisper that I’m broken
because I know that with you
I am whole
I hate it when I feel like I still need pain
because I know that your love
is much better for my brain
I’d much rather kiss you
than feel the bite of the blade
I’d much rather dance with you
than shiver in the rain
So why can’t I comprehend
that life is not so bad?
Why can’t I understand
what a million others already have?
Why can’t I just keep walking and sing
A love song for you, my darling, my king
A poet can never help but ponder
A poet always lets her mind just wander
And when I wander I am afraid
Because peeking in dark corners reminds me
that there’s an end to all days
But I don’t want to wander or ponder
No, I’d much rather just stay
right here in your arms,
I’d rather look at you and say
that forever I will love you
‘till the end of our days.

Flower petals, soft
Colored like cream
Hints of pale rose splashed on the tips
Hold the flower carefully,
and it won’t ***** you with its thorns
Caress the petals, feel them, so soft
Touch your lips to them gently
The bloom will open for you, open
to reveal its bloodred depths, passion
Hold the flower carefully
until it opens
Then keep a tight grip
and caress the soft petals, cream and rose.

When our lips meet,
I swear that stars collide
I can see supernovas
in your eyes
And even the lightest touch
Fingers on my spine
Sends shivers, pleasure,
surging through my veins
Once upon a time,
I was little girl lost
But the stars looked down
They shook their heads and said
“She shouldn’t wear a frown.”
They found a soul with scars to match my own
We stood to watch the stars collide
I saw supernovas in your eyes
And cherished the feeling
of your fingers entwined in mine
Now, when our lips meet, I swear
Stars collide to create a new universe
Souls tangle, they entwine and combine
And the word outside simply falls away
As fingers dance gently along my spine.

I hate the fear
I hate the way it boils in my belly
Climbs up my throat
Tries to make me scream
I hate that way my heart trembles
Hate the way it shakes in my chest
I hate this feeling
called fear.

Girl stands all alone
shivering in the cold,
With bones made of ice
and a heart encased in stone.
Who is there to hold her?
Who is there to keep her warm?
Who is there to help her,
to shield her from the storm?
She can taste the ice in the air,
she can feel the frosty blows,
She can take a falling snowflake
and touch it, still cold, to her nose.
She sings out loud in a crystal tone
and screams when the sun shatters it,
She dances on a stretch of thin ice
and dares her feet to break the surface.
Girl falls into the icy pond
and shivers shatter her bones,
So she closes her weary eyes
and sinks down to her home.

So close,
you are
so close.
I just want to speed up time
until I'm in your arms
Then stop the clock
to keep us in that moment
forever.

I swear
I'm already breathing in your scent again,
I know that you're there
But it's still just a dream
I know
I've already hugged you to death
thirteen million times
But it's still just a dream

I think
Our lips have finally met after 12 long days
and I've melted into you
But it's still just a dream

I could have sworn
I heard your voice, seen your face, mahogany eyes
Held your hand tight in mine
But it was all a dream

Reality is coming soon
Just a couple of hours of
anticipation remain
Before dreams will come true

Just a couple of spins
of the clock's iron arrow
Then I will see you again
And it won't be just a dream

Every hug will be true
Every kiss a granted wish
And I'll pinch us both
To promise that we're awake

Just a couple of hours, love
Our fingertips are about to touch
So breathe, just breathe
Today we meet again.

Anticipate
Let the tension build
A bundle of excitement
lodges in my throat
makes it hard to breathe
But I swallow it again
to make room for my voice
So I can shout your name
when anticipation meets
a present-time happening.

You live in a city underground
Where screams don't make a sound,
and voices are physical.
Words slap you across the face
They kick you in the gut
Knock you to your knees
Leave you gasping for more oxygen
The only way to survive
in a city full of words and pain
is to take your voice
and weave soft fabrics into it
Stuff it full of sun-soaked clouds
and add a few burrs to make it stick
Wrap a rope around it, easy grip
for something to hold on to
Then sing out loud
Pull the letters, strung together;
Twinkling Christmas lights,
pull them from your throat
And toss them across the pavement
String them over windows
And wrap them around staple-ridden light poles
Then dump what's left into a bucket
and fill the spaces in with liquid gold
instead of boiling blood
And pour it all over your head
So you can shine bright and be seen
Then sing, messenger bird, sing
And show the city the light of hope.

It’s happening again,
the desperate urge to write
and not knowing what to write
a poem
or a love letter
or maybe a mix of both
I’m not panicking
(yet),
but I am afraid
because I can hear them whispering again
I can feel their claws scratching at the walls
the walls that he helped me build
and he isn’t here right now
to send them away
He isn’t here right now
to save the day
so I guess I’m here alone
for now
dreaming of his face to be seen a week
from now
I’m trying to stay strong for him
right now
Because a few more days a fighting won’t **** me
when I know that he’s waiting
in a purple-lined hallway
and I know that soon I will be safe.

Well, you see,
there is a place underground
that is full of screams and tears
and that place is underground
and it’s underneath your skin
and the screams fill your ears
and the tears invade your eyes
and you cry and cry and you don’t know why
you cry
There are monsters in your bloodstream
that just don’t go away
and they spit poison from their mouths
whenever you think you feel okay
they make everything hurt again
they change your words so that you say
“Today, today, I want to die today,”
They create an impulse, send a message to your brain
and your brain sends the message to your arms and to your hands
and your hands pick up the knife
and your eyes can already see
the silver stained with blood
And the metal touches your skin
and it’s cold, icy cold
and the chill runs across your skin
and the chill dances over your vertebrae
and wakes up your brain
and you open your eyes and you scream
and the knife clatters to the floor
“What did I almost do? Oh, God, I almost died.”
and you fall to your knees and cry
and the monsters they titter and giggle and laugh
so close, so close, you came
so close
There are ghost beneath your eyelids
they lie to you, they blind you
they make you see things not real
they place flashes in your path
and demons in the shadows
and you are paranoid,
so afraid
and you never know what’s real
and the ghosts whisper and laugh
and drive you quite mad
and you wish that you had the cold knife back
But there is a way, a way, a way
there is a way
to make them go away
Someone appears inside your world
and you look in their eyes
and the ghosts all fade away
and gray is gone
and the color returns
and harsh reality is misted over by delirium
and a kiss on the lips brings up a stir of desire
like a whole new monster invading your bloodstream
making you hungry, so hungry, hungrier for more
and the warmth of love is a safety blanket
and nothing can hurt you ever again
unless cruel universe with wicked claws
snatches love away,
then all light is gone
But now, right now, everything is safe, dear
Everything is bright, dear
Everything is right, dear
So pretty please, don’t fret.

Scratch the letters into the tree;
Our initials, with a “4ever” added on.
Graffiti love, public and permanent.
Anyone can see the marks,
which will never fade away.

Well, surely by now I’ve run out of words for you?
But a writer never runs out of words,
especially when expressing her love.
She can write a million poems
about your eyes, using the imagery of “melted chocolate” and “mahogany wood”.
She could build a paragraph
about your lips, picking out just the right verbs and adjectives to describe your kiss.
She is able to create an invisible image of you,
she can use words like “swell” and “heart” to describe how she feels when she sees you.
A writer can never run out of words, certainly not when
she is expressing her love.
And even if she has to repeat a phrase,
if she has to reuse an adjective,
she will never stop painting her love on the paper,
never stop shaping a heart out of words.

I once wrote a love song,
describing my heart as a butterfly,
trapped in a net with nowhere to go.

I could write a million love songs
describing my heart as a butterfly
in a bell jar, and you as the one who freed me from imminent death.

Free from the darkness, I am willing to trust, to take a
Risk and fall into your
Arms as they wrap around me and keep me warm. Pain is no longer
Necessary to survive, because your love is much sweeter than the bite of the blade
Cutting into my flesh. No,
I don’t need the pain anymore, because you
Saved me from the hungry demons in my head.

One moment,
he is real
Fresh in her mind
as her mother drives her farther
and farther away
from him.
The next moment(day),
He is a memory(no, he's a dream)
And she is suddenly
THAT GIRL
again;
Hollow-eyed
rib cage
and upside-down smile
She is suddenly
NOT HERSELF
AND SHE IS HERSELF
SHE DOES NOT KNOW

WHO IS SHE
WHEN SHE DOES NOT SEE
HIM?

silent ghost girl
drifting
waiting

She will only come alive again
when she knows that she will see
his face.
But until then,
ghost girl
drifting
is left with memories(DREAMS)
She is left alone with her old self.

O, the distant lover,
she won't look you in the eye
Unless there is an absence
of outside presence.

She distracts herself
to feel less awkward,
less like an elementary child fumbling
to meet a classmate's lips
behind the playground slide.
But every so often,
she'll take the chance
of meeting your gaze
of touching her heart to yours
and she'll lean in for
another passionate kiss.

Her love is painted red;
Memories;
Photographs in the darkroom
lit by red lights
dripping with chemicals
Each second carefully captured
and imprinted in her skin
for future reference.
"Did it happen? I believe it did,"
She won't know until
she sees you again.

She loves you quite bit,
this distant lover,
so erase that hidden doubt
and just hold her close
Fingers twined together
and a kiss on the cheek
Make her smile, infinitely happy,
And trust me when I say
she's just as eager for
the next kiss
as you.

And he is left sitting alone
on a cold stone bench,
watching her disappear.
The setting sun touches the tree tops,
illuminating the fading evening
with leaves on fire.
He sits
and remembers
as she is stolen away
He sits and wonders
what would happen
if she could just stay.
And he remembers
holding her close
She was so, so warm
and her lips so soft.

And she is left on a shooting range
disguised as a speeding car
Taking her away, far away
from him.
Bullets are fired, aimed at her brain,
but she deflects the inquiries
and reminds herself of backup plans.
She pulls him to the front of her head
and wraps the thought around her,
a blsnket to keep her warm and safe.
Then she just sits
and watches the world blur past
and she remembers
his arms around her, the safety
and the warmth.
he was so, so warm
and his lips so soft.

And now they are suddenly
alone
and
cold,
Shivering in anticipation,
Waiting for the next embrace;
Each one is dreaming of the other,
with ghosts of kisses still imprinted on their lips.

It's lucky I'm a poet;
if I wasn't a crafter of words,
it would be nearly
impossible
to find the words to describe
The swelling of my heart
whenever I think of you
(It's like my chest is about to burst)
The tingle in my stomach
when I know you're near
(It's so odd I really can't describe it,
except to say that it's impatient)
The surge of love and happiness,
warmth and comfort,
that fills me completely
when I melt into your arms
(Oh, it's so perfectly warm)
Oh, how do I describe my love?
It's another world,
attached to my older, darker one,
and only good things are allowed
to enter the sphere.
It's a swelling, like a tidal wave
crashing over me, but
I am not afraid.
It's home.
It's...home.
It's safe and it's warm, and...
It's home, being in your arms.
There is no place I'd rather be.

I just can't help myself-
can't avoid
closing my eyes
and falling back in time
To that perfect moment
To that kiss

Every detail comes back
in vivid technicolor
I relive every second
Even milliseconds find their way
into my mind, making
A five-star movie
tht brings a smile every time.
When I lie awake and alone
and filled to the brim
with thoughts of you,
I just close my eyes,
I go back in time
And I don't feel so alone
anymore,
and I can wait
just a little bit longer
to finally see you again.

Where did they go?
To a place unknown
where the wind doesn't blow
and the bravest don't go.

Oh! Such a thrill
Meeting your kiss
jump-starts my heart
Sends a jolt through my veins
and the joy, the joy, the thrill!
My heartbeat is faster
than the sound it makes.
I feel so complete, so whole
Knowing that
no more am I alone
You can feel my pulse
as you hold my hand
You can feel it throbbing fast,
faster each time
I look you in the eyes.
I'm so high
up on cloud nine,
and I have no wish
to come down.
With my pulse still speeding,
I am sleepless tonight
With the memories
Racing
With the thoughts
Dancing
With you in my head
there is no sleep
So here I lie,
still wide awake;
I remember
your kiss.

Shh! Just listen,
Just let me tell you this;
A ray of sunshine piercing
through the blackened clouds;
The speed of light reveals
the color that lies
just past our eyelids.
The raindrops stop;
Precipitation stands still
and dissolves in
the growing ray of sunbeam.
A rose bush, dead and brown;
The light hits it at
just the right angle, and
A tiny bud appears,
growing and growing and
soon to bloom in a burst
of passionate red.
A kiss on a flower-petal cheek;
Frosted pink flares into
a pleased splash of pale red,
and a smile grows below.
A fresh, new bud of love;
It banishes the darkness,
dissloves the chilly downpour,
it wakes me up and opens my eyes.
Shh...are you still listening?
I want to make sure
the words fall from my lips
and land on your tongue
to meet each other's ears.
One, two, three words,
simple and still complicated.
A juxtaposition provokes us
to twine our fingers together
and say,
"I love you."

why is it,
i wonder,
that we create so much hatred
to fill the world
in a an attempt to erase
the joy, the happiness, the light?
is it just
human nature?

There is a place
where thoughts are left for dead
Unseen, unheard
Unwritten, and unsaid
A dark place deep
In the dismal abyss of the head
Where the cold bites sharply
And shadows scream
with voices so high
They cannot be heard
except for above,
only in the sky.
I have a castle there,
I built a palace out of words
And underneath,
below the dungeons filled with traitorous thoughts
Under the bellies of my demons
There is a place
where thoughts are left for dead
Unseen, unheard,
Unwritten, and unsaid.

He’s jump-started my heart,
he’s given me new life
Grabbed my hand
and pulled me out
of the six-foot hole I was digging.
He’s shown me hope,
he’s shown me the sun
Filtering through the autumn leaves
showing me the intricate veins.
He’s opened my mind,
healed my heart,
Revealed the light of life
banishing the shadows
and  setting me free.