Stuck in an ending timeline;

whispers of love, the humourless cheer.

Taunts that appear to be laughing, at me;

a commoner's jeer.



I saw you,

then I wanted you.

my want became a need;

and my need is now the focus of all my deed(s).



What else is left to say,

should I mourn my bereavement

or laugh at my own foolishness?

do i love or let this ache i suffer for you eat at me forever?

All these faltering words:

just a deal
I made with myself
as a personal reason
to keep breathing;

my own
hermetic language
designed for discourse
with the Divine,
with Madness.

When you think
you are reading them,
you aren't.

Really,
you are only
eavesdropping.

Listen too closely and
the worms may begin
to chew.

Not my responsibility.

- mce

01:52 am
have you ever asked yourself like why you so lonely?*

01:53 am
or empty?

that maybe you give too much of your essence to people and never leave any of you for yourself

01:55 am
i know i do

02:05 am
and like that's maybe why i get so attached to humans

because in them,
i find myself

02:07 am
i need to change, because things shouldn't be this way

02:10 am
but it's hard sometimes you know, when most days you don't leave the house because you feel unworthy of the space you take up

02:16 am
so you'd much rather disintegrate into soil because you've become all too familiar with people stepping over you and admiring the outcome of your beauty but never the roots of your pain

02:19 am
i spend so much effort watering people in order for them to grow and hardly get enough sun shine to feed my own soul

02:25 am*
because i don't know how to do anything else but care for everyone but myself

You told me to meet you wearing my best outfit.
But i didn't have much, so my nicest jeans and blouse had to do.
You came wearing a suit.
That's how i knew you were special.
Our night on the town was far from dull.
Driving through cities formerly untraveled.
How our minds slowly unraveled.
I was lost in your eyes, your soul consumed me.
I felt nothing but pure bliss.
When you held me i knew i was all you wanted.
How i craved you.
But it had to wait.
Our excursion was a pleasant one.
I never wanted it to end.
We spent the whole night talking, laughing, driving, and loving.
But like all things, it had to come to an end.
And i'll never forgive myself for not staying by your side.

It seems i've lost most feeling.
Oh how i used to feel so deeply.
But still, every now and then i'll shed a few tears for you.
For how incredible you made my life.
For how happy you made me.
For how we could just be ourselves together.
I hate myself for forgetting.
But that's what happens when you go insane.
They try to rearrange your mind.
And sometimes it works.
And even though i know the truth,
It's still you who has my heart.
For the good, and the bad haven't fully broken me.
I'm broken just enough to still feel for you.
Maybe you didn't have the best intentions for me.
But you made me happy.
You cared.
You loved me.
And that's all i could ever ask for.

Losing my voice, losing my mind, losing the grace that's been keeping me safe all this time.
Everything I've known is slowly fading.
My world is shaking.
I'm slowly breaking.
So i'll drain my eyes and hope for a better life.
Everyone's against me but i'm still keeping away from the knife.
I'm sick to my stomach from all these people who claim to be my friend.
Why don't you just leave me alone and let me mend?
So i'll keep my lips glued to the bottle.
For these problems, i hope i can solve them.
In the meantime i'll keep searching for something real.
Let's go our own ways, be ourselves, do we have a deal?

And it feels like i'll only be that girl who gets you through the night.
They come and go, i guess i'll be alright.
But when no one ever sticks around, you start doubting your worth.
I guess i'll always be alone, oh god why does this have to hurt?