You think you deserve something but life slaps you upon the head and throws you down reminding you that after all you've doneyou don't deserve ****
I had a strokeabout a week ago and there as a possibility of me getting to go home today instead of tomorrow but my blood level dropped to an undesirable rate this causing me to have to stay longer missing my oldest sisters funeral. I thought I would get to go buy that's was just life toying with my emotions again. I have a constant thought on"You don't deserve to be happy Ben!You don't deserve happiness. You can't pretend to be a good guy every now and then. it's such a disappoint to know I could've made my love better but now with all these life threatening hospitalizations and not knowinghow long I have left to live it just leaves me with such disappointment. I've always wished I could restart my life over andbe a better man but I know that's impossible just another disappointment that I get to live with I use to lash out in anger but that isn't going to change anything and it's a waste of time

I don't always say much
It's like a slight touch
People go silent when I speak
They listen to me like I'm a freak
Saying whatever I say
That makes everything okay
Giving them peace of mind
Getting me out of any bind

Things will go my way
I'll have everything I want someday
A house and a car
I won't need to frequent a bar
I'll have a gorgeous wife
We'll have built a wonderful life
Her and I together
These things in this order
House, car, wife, wonderful life and financial freedom

After all this time
Our lives had been interwine...
'd but you chose to sever it
Leaving me utterly alone
Nothing to keep me warm like an uncovered bone
Left to rot and decay
Feeling nothing but dismay

This life has went SO downhill
All this negativity shrinking away my will
Making me wish I was dead
Take a bullet to the head
Let this life end
Nobody would miss me; not a single friend
You are only wanted when you are useful
Your usefulness drains away and you aren't wanted; no
No one wants you around

You think you can speak to me like that ***
You best come correct when you talking to me
I thought you were a special lady
I used to think you were a hottie
But naw you just a lil thotty
Step back, get away, you can't come near me
**** was you thinkin' callin' a ***** out
You best watch yoself usin' them CAPS like you is angry