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429 · May 2018
New Boy and Benefits
Just makayla May 2018
I can't explain
The energy currently flowin throw my veins
It's this weird thrill of happiness
Becuase I Like someone
And I think they like me to
So now I can tell my  x-lover
That I feel for another
And that we need to stop seeing each other
Becuase soon I'll be with the other
©makayla bailey
(Background knowledge) So I'm still currently in love with my x but I feel like all my x does is string me along when he feels like it, he treats me like I'm a game he's playing, I love him but I'm always trying to find a way out. This boy might steer me off of his road. At least I'm hoping.
357 · Jun 2018
Psych ward
Just makayla Jun 2018
They took me from school
They put me in an ambulance
My favorite teacher came with
Next thing I know
I have a hospital wristband on
It has my name printed on it
I have an uncomfortable gown on
Weird socks on with grip on the bottom
Walking the cold hospital halls
Personally escorted
I remember thinking to myself
"I'm officially crazy"
They use their keycard to unlock the doors
I carefully step into a psych ward
It felt so isolated, cold, and sad
They took me to what they called "my room"
Bathroom was locked
Walls were blank
Shelf's were empty
They left my room
It was about 12;00 a.m
There was a bright green clock light in the wall
I turned down the lights
I tried to make my thoughts go to sleep
But it was my soul that was more awake than ever
I just laid there
I asked myself why I was here
Suicide, misery, depression, self-hate
And cuts on my wrist is what came to mind
"Oh" I said to myself with a tear sliding down the side of my face
That's why I'm here
©makayla bailey
356 · May 2018
Silver blade
Just makayla May 2018
The blade feels so right with me
It's like the pain in my heart is making that blade
A home in my hand
My body, or my mind,
I don't know
But something commands it
The edge of the blade strikes me with curiosity
Wondering what all I could do with it
For the first time last night
I cut deeper
I lashed at my skin
And blood burst out of me
Like it was trapped
And glad to be free
Then no matter how hard it was to ignore the urge
To do it again
I put that Blade up in a safe place
Then I starred off into the
Dark empty space
In my room
Hearing the voices in another room
Not thinking about anything
Trying to listen to the loud silence in my mind
Trying not to feel the coldness of my soul
Letting my heart shatter little by little
Every Day
Please don't act like you care
It just isn't fair I just want to be loved
Not thought bad of
If I died today
No one would cry for me
No one would die for me
I can't be happy
Happiness just isn't for me
I'm silently begging
For someone to truly help me
Or that silver blade will cross my wrist
Again and again untell I'm satisfied with the results
I'll be satisfied when I feel
All this useless life
Drain out of me.
©Makayla Bailey
All rights reserved
250 · Jun 2018
lost trust
Just makayla Jun 2018
Trust fades for a reason
Not just any reason of course
Some people wonder why it is that I have problem's trusting
They can't seem to see the pain behind my eye's
From seeing so many people just walk out of my life
They can't seem to see how fragile my ears are
From hearing people argue about me or saying things about me that slowly eat away at me
Perhaps they can't see how I try to stand tall
Even though I was beaten so bad sometimes that the skin would pill off the back of my legs and leave purple and blue bruises
Perhaps they don't know why I don't like deep water
Maybe It's because I didn't tell them how my mother tried to drown me when I was about four years of age
They wonder why I have trouble showing how I truly feel
maybe they can't see the wall that I've been building
with only one door
Sometimes people come knocking
I learn to trust them cautiously
Then I kinda just observe them without them without noticing of course
If they do leave
I don't feel any type of way
I expected it
Sooner or later
But if they stay
I start to question there motive
©makayla bailey
230 · Apr 2018
Love is a (Trap)
Just makayla Apr 2018
Love is a Trap
Get it "Falling in Love"
It's a setup
Don't fall for it
Love will slowly tug on your most
Emotional strings
If you let it
Love will control you
Love is not your friend
It will tear your heart into pieces
Without thinking twice
It's not the person who breaks your heart
Love has the honor of doing that
It might rip your heart up
And leave it there for you to glue back
Or it might burn it and smile
People make love sound so sweet
But it can really be sour
Imagine falling head over heels for someone
Then after they practically have you eating out of their hands
They slap you in the face and laugh
Honestly, Love won't stab you in the back
It will **** you with kindness
Sometimes Love has no mercy
225 · May 2018
New blade
Just makayla May 2018
I need a new blade
Mine is becoming dull
It's only sharp at the corners
I need a new blade
Mine has been used to many times
-Cutting when I feel sad
-Cutting when I'm stressed out
-cutting when the day has died down
I'm not sorry for the boldness its tru
And my blade holds a lot of pain and truth within it
I need a new blade
My demons multiple every day
For they need to breath
For I need a new blade.
I need a new one
©Makayla Bailey
195 · Jun 2018
A moment in time
Just makayla Jun 2018
As I sat down on the concrete steps waiting to be picked up
It started sprinkling rain
Then it stopped
And the sky cleared up somewhat
But I kinda hoped it would rain so I could feel a sense of reveal
So I could see what was really real
I wanted the rain to pour down my face and I wanted to feel like a true disgrace
For a moment I just wanted to dwell in my pain
And yell silently in vain
see I'm always trying to connect the lines
Forget about the dots
But at the moment
I wanted to take the sharpest pair of scissors and disconnect every line I saw
For a moment I wanted to be the queen of hate
Step on the oceans bottom plate
crack open the earth
And destroy all god could create
All that he could ever make
I really wanted to dwell in my hatred hoping that something in me would awaken I wanted to lather myself in the thought
That almost everything I had ever loved had been taken
~Moms a drugy
Thinks it's okay to treat her body like a **** store a sell it
She beat us
Struggled to fed us
No matter how many times she threw my head into a wall
No matter how many times she would make me and my little brother fall
I still loved her
Over it all
I didn't know what else to think
At 5 years of old
I didn't have a mind of my own
When I lived with my father
I learned he wasn't one to holler
He wasn't completely like my mother
Sometimes he would try to drink his pain away
Like it would be there one day and gone next
But he had a hard time figuring out that that's not how life works
He started beating me and god did it hurt
But I always stayed in trouble because I wanted daddy's attention
All I wanted was for him to act like he could listen
But he just drank his beer
Tried to swallow his pain and make it disappear
Every pill my momma took
And every drink my dad had
I swear today it drives me mad
At that moment I didn't want to feel
I just wanted a moment to let the pain of my past wash over me
I had to snap out of it
and ask God to take control of me
I just wanna find out who I'm really supposed to be
so I need moments like these to continue to come by as the, please
©makayla bailey
153 · May 2019
A love so forbidden
Just makayla May 2019
How can you forbid me
From a love so sweet
From a love so pure
From a love so unique
How can you act as if it´s poison
When it so clearly tastes as fine as wine
You are the thorns
Guarding the precious flower I want
How can you disable his voice to my ears
How can you force his eyes from his one and only true prize
I can feel his vibe
I can feel his love
All of which you know none of
I´m in love with someone I have been told I am not allowed to be with.
©makayla bailey
141 · Apr 2018
I know you're out there
Just makayla Apr 2018
For I am not one
Who strictly believes in the power of love
I put trust, faith, courage and many things before it
However, I do believe in it
I know that one day
It shall come to me
I myself am not looking for it
For if love wants to find me
It will properly seek me out
It will come.. The right person, of course, will come.. You might think you love someone untell you see their true colors. Don't be blind open your eyes a little wider...
©Makayla Bailey
128 · May 2018
~Artist~
Just makayla May 2018
I'm an artist
Swoosh here
Slice there
Beautifully drawn
Let's add a little color
Deeper swoosh here
Deeper slice there
My favorite color
~Red~
I need a new paintbrush
I go to the toolbox
Making sure I don't get caught
Becuase the kind of art I'm into Is
   ~Dangerous~
I sit back on my bed
I let the paintbrush dance across my canvas
I put my paintbrush away
I lie down
It worked
I let my demons breath
But they'll be back tomorrow
So I'll be ready...
For now
I'm going to rest
©Makayla Bailey
123 · May 2018
No I Don't like you
Just makayla May 2018
No, I don't like you
No, I don't
I'm not a fan of fake people
Therefore not a big fan of you
I don't like you
Your a narcissistic messy witch
And quite frankly
I don't like messy people like you
So please don't smile at me in the hallway
Or nod your head at me when you see me
Like um hello...
We are not friends
If I need to yell that in your face I will
Because I don't like you
I don't like that sneaky little smile of yours
I don't like the way you switch that little **** of yours in front of every guy you walk past
I don't like the way you brag about everything your good at
I don't like the way you look at yourself every chance you get
I don't like the way you talk to me like we have been friends for years
I don't like you period
I just don't like you
Please cut me out of your life
I'd be happy to hand you the scissors
I don't really know what I was thinking writing this one but hey all your writing don't always have to be good, It's mostly about how you feel at the end of it.
                                           ©Makayla Bailey
120 · May 2018
White supremacy
Just makayla May 2018
Don't' you dare stop and stare
Don't you dare look this way
I'll stand tall
And hopefully
White supremacy will fall
Not all white people are the same but they all have one thing in common, they all just happen to be treated better when it comes to certain things............ Or am I wrong...
(This is not a racist poem)
©Makayla Bailey
113 · May 2018
Why
Just makayla May 2018
Why
Why do you look for me
You hug me like there is no tomorrow
You kiss me like I'm everything to you
You finesse my body
And treat it as if you are the new owner
My mind knows what you are doing
But it lets you fool and control my heart
When I fell
I fell so hard in love with you
My heart has been in a coma ever since
There was never a key to my heart
For it was never locked
Just heavily guarded
For you bypassed all of the booms and guards
Next thing I know I can't get over you
I try to move on but my heart won't wake up
Sometimes I hear your slick voice ringing in my ear
I imagine your hands finding every curve of my body
It's like I'm under a spell
When you want me I'm like your personal robot
But I don't budge
I just let you take control
And together we enjoy the stroll
Why do you drag me along, sure i'm your first love and you are mine, but's firsts don't always stay healthy...
©Makayla Bailey
111 · May 2018
.Why do I feel Like.
Just makayla May 2018
Why do I feel like I'm falling off a cliff onto a soft pillow when I look into Your eyes
Why do I feel like I'm having a heart attack when you catch me
By surprise
Why do I feel like my heart is beating out of my chest when you
Gaze at me
Or better yet
Why do look at my wrist when
Looked upon
Every day of my life
Feels like one of those rainy days
Were a raindrop drops on my cheek
And just sits there
And I look into the sky
I look way high
And I tell god
It's not a tie
For you have won
And I have nowhere to hide
©Makayla Bailey

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