I went to a
WWI museum today
And as I looked at the
poorly built trenches
and the weapons used
and the gas rising from the ground
and the ships sunk and planes shot down
and the foot shortages and blockades
and the unimaginably high numbers
of the deaths of soldiers and civilians
my stomach twisted and turned
and I realized how terrified I was
of another war
and how every step our country takes
leads us ever closer to one
and how I don’t want another flower
to become a symbol of war
like the poppies that surround
cross-shaped graves

i’ve spent
years
of my life
convincing
myself
i’m not
a monster

this
will
not
stop.

i deserve
to be happy

i can’t handle
public shaming
it’s my weakness
my paranoia
justified

i felt hot all over
my eyes filled with tears
and i tried
not to cry
as 40 people stared

someone i admire
hurt me
made fun of me
in front of people
i like
and i couldn’t
handle it
i’m too weak
to handle it

so
when class was over
i walked out
and cried