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  May 2018 empty seas
levi eden r
i didn't want to die anymore,
i just
wanted to be somewhere else,
someone else.
or at least fast forward a couple years.
me in college,
living in a small apartment with a friend or a lover.
it's raining in a couple years and i'll look up to the sky and smile.
i'll love and feel loved.
i wish time would go by faster.
  May 2018 empty seas
mk
i am in a haze today. it is cloudy and beautiful outside. it is also pressing down on my chest and i struggle for air. i wore your shirt to bed last night and it helped steady my oxygen supply. i wish you were here to say my name and speak to me in my native tongue to remind who i am and where i've come from. i'm forgetting everything, slowly. recreating yourself is only good when you haven't done it five thousand times over. i just want to be me now. but how do i become me if there is no you? pick me up from the library and walk me to class. hold my hand and tell me that you will stay with me no matter how grey the sky is or how cold my fingers feel.
  May 2018 empty seas
levi eden r
tears filled my eyes looking at nothing,
thinking of everything.
every cork that filled a hole in my heart slowly popped itself out and i literally felt the rush of sadness through my body,
filling my veins,
intoxicating my mind once again.
is this what i'm meant to be?
sometimes i feel like a punching bag for everyone and myself.
i will beat myself down slowly then all at once.
i am not a best friend,
i am an enemy to myself.
this is how it'll always be right?
i wanted to slice open my skin and feel numb again,
i wanted to take a handfull of sleeping pills to feel numb again.
i can hear my parents fighting again.
i can feel how i felt when my own friends told me they never loved me.
i can see my older sister fighting my mother over everything again.
it all came back to me in what felt like a split of a second.
i was 12 again and as sad as i ever was.
i was 12 again,
sitting on my bedroom floor,
wishing that i would gather the courage through my sobs to finally end it.

and i should have.
i'm not meant to be here.
empty seas May 2018
isn’t regret
such a funny thing?
the intense desire
to change what you’ve done
that turns into
self-hate
  May 2018 empty seas
levi eden r
it all felt like it was making my brain turn into mush,
crushing it together,
pounding it,
liquifying it.
"what are you going to do with your life?
what will you be?
who
will
you
be?"
  May 2018 empty seas
Ken
her
i am falling,
for her eyes,
her mind,
her laugh,
her smile,
i am falling,
for her.
  May 2018 empty seas
Ken
i'm scared of how important to me you've become in such a short amount of time.

within days you have rooted yourself into my brain,
occupying every passing thought.

you have secured your place in my heart in less than a week.

what are you?
for m
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