empty seas

May 2018

levi eden r

chemical imbalance or victim of circumstances?

looking at you,
i felt so distant.
i will never feel as close to anyone as close as i felt to her,
and i'm okay with that because what we had was something that i've never seen,
not even in the movies.
it's starting to feel like you were never here.
the one that kept everything together.
i'm addicted to the sadness.
it seems like all i can write about is you,
i'm starting to forget the color of your eyes,
how warm your hands were,
the sound of your voice.
going back to you now would make me seem like a fool and my pride seems to not back down so until then,
until i give in,
i miss you.
i'm sorry i'm not as interesting or energetic as i was two years ago or on my good days that i have sometimes.
things just don't feel right but without you both
i have no one.
i will be no one.
no matter how many times you'll tell me i matter or that you love me,
i can't see it,
i can't feel it.

#poetry #sad

empty seas May 2018

not a panic attack

bile rising in my throat
i’m the ground again
away from people
but the noise won’t stop
won’t stop
god why won’t it stop
my mind is a never ending barrage
of loud, violent thoughts
overwhelming, unstoppable

i hide and hide
laying down to slow my heart
beating, racing
as if trying to escape my thoughts
is this a panic attack?
but i’m not crying
and this feeling has lasted days
so of course not, of course not

my skin doesn’t feel right
like i could peel it right off
my clothes are too tight
i can feel each atom in my body
vibrating so urgently, so violently
nothing is right

other methods fail
they always do, they always do
so i turn to my worst comfort
tearing into flesh on my arms
carefully hidden under shirtsleeves
i can finally breathe

this feeling is all consuming
no end in sight
i hide and pretend
i can’t worry anyone again
it’s been days
but i can wait
help is too much trouble

i’ve already annoyed my girlfriend enough

#anxiety #panic #attack #help #denial

May 2018

Taylor

anxiety

anxiety comes as a haywire mind
a situation in your head
worlds away from everyone
words unsaid
scared to be anyone, much less yourself

but most of all
it comes
and it never really leaves.

#anxiety

May 2018

aslan

supa gay

Don’t ask me why
who, what, when, where or how
I just know, honey,
that I’m feeling a little extra gay right now.
I can’t help it,
I just am,
So, don’t hit me
with your far-right scam.
I believe in basic rights,
such as equality in all ways
you can carry a gun
and I can marry who I want, yay!

i have no idea^^

empty seas May 2018

so wrong

i feel so wrong
body distorted
my teeth are
vibrating
what is this?
why am i
this way
so wrong
distorted
uncomfortable
so wrong

i feel so weird

#body #pain #anxiety #distorted #wrong #uncomfortable