I want to feel known. I want to bring someone home and tell them about how my brother and I used to live in elaborate mansions in the trees.

I want to drive them around my home town and tell them of all the places I got heartbroken and all the places I ran to hide and all the places I smiled at the sun believing I could never go blind.

I want to tell them of all the friends I've had and how I miss some and am scared of others, to tell them of how theyve grown while helping me grow too.

I want to show them the home I grew up in and how I thought it was the best place in the world, surviving tornados, fires, and sadness but we lost it to the lawless.

I want to show them my birthmarks and all the constellations and myths my grandmother wrote about the stars on my skin.

I want someone to know every curve of the letters in my name. To be able to hear me in my quiet, see me in my dark, hold me in my cold, and love me in my despair.

Education is the lie you believe.
Propaganda is the truth you dislike.

Let me see
If this "love" thing
Exists.

My brain says no
My heart says please
And my soul says

wait and see

When I wake up I see my reflection on my phone screen
'Your squinty eyes are cute'
I wash my face and look up at the mirror
'Your skincare routine is paying off'
Catch a glimpse of myself from a storefront window
'Your sense of style keeps getting better and better'
I post a picture of myself
'You look happier'
Some days I don't mean the things I say to myself
Kind words don't come easily when you don't believe them
But just as flowers cannot bloom in hostile environments
Self-hate only makes my tea taste bitter
I will grit my teeth and call myself handsome
And as I roll my eyes at the silliness, I will feel my face blush
Maybe tomorrow I'll get dressed up
And when I compliment my reflection, maybe I will mean it