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  Jun 2014 LeighB
JJ Hutton
I was sitting at the computer
trying to think of a way
to describe a woman's
*** as anything other
than a woman's ***
and there were
marlboro black
cigarettes on my
creaking desk
and I had a fifth
of whiskey on the
windowsill and
I rubbed my forehead
and thought of fruits--
apples and oranges--
no, no that's overdone
and I thought of animals--
elephants and horses--
but, again, no, I'd
come across as one of
those sick ******* that
go to the zoo in  
stained trench coats
and rub themselves against
the chain link
and Eve would walk in
beautiful girl with short
hair and a sharp mind
she'd ask what I was
writing about and
I'd say women
but the women were
never her, she pointed out
and I'd say I don't want to
jinx this, what we have,
you know? and she'd say okay,
okay

I'd get lit up every evening and
I'd text other women
I'd tell them about the shapes
of their ***** and the sizes
of their brains and they'd
usually say uh huh yeah
but I was fishing, always
fishing for that compliment
that sliver of hope, that
unsatisfied wife
when you're trying to be
Bukowski you'll throw
yourself under the bus
again
and
again
for what?
a story, trivial and base,
and that good woman,
that best woman, that Eve,
one day while making breakfast
she'll say to the eggs in the skillet
I can't take this **** anymore
and you'll say so don't
and she'll say fine
and she'll walk out the front door
wearing your t-shirt
you'll feel free for a week
and alone for two years.
  Jun 2014 LeighB
Simpleton
Sometimes there comes a time
When losses are absorbed
And grief becomes you
When you've given everything you've got
And there's nothing left
Not even the will to care
When you received nothing in return
You continued to give because you never learn
And when you rub your eyes
No more are the stars and colours you used to see
It's been a long time since
You bowed your head
Said a prayer
And are still weathering the storm
Now only heavier
Because you've soaked up the rain
And carried a little piece of everyone's secrets
Burdens and shames
You were there when it all went wrong
And now you're barefoot
On a cold winters night
Where the lines between determination
And desperation got blurred
Left craving for something that is everything to hold onto
You are so much more than what other people see
Your strength will not come from lifting weights
But lifting yourself as you fall down
Fighting hell
And wearing it like an armour
LeighB Jun 2014
What the hell am I doing here?
What the hell am I STILL doing here?

It feels like a dream.
Walking
Talking
Laughing without a second thought
Socializing
None of it feels real.

What happens when reality feels like a dream?
What happens when you're just dying to wake up?
I don't know how to deal with this never-ending pit of monotony!

I want to wake up
I want to find the place I belong
I want to find the goals I hope to achieve
I want to stop living in a blanket of obliviousness and nothingness

I want to live...
  Jun 2014 LeighB
Chris
These things happen I suppose.
They always happen.
I used to care about something, you know.
I did.
I used to feel something when I stared at the sky.
Now the hardwood feels cold under my feet,
and my lungs have lost their warmth.
The clouds eat me whole as I walk home.
They smile.
Sometimes I do too.
But I've wandered too far this time,
these steps don't look familiar.
Someone still sleeps inside this house,
but it's not me.
Someone still lives inside these bones,
but it's not me.
  Jun 2014 LeighB
Cassandra Leigh
The first time I smoked a cigarette
I felt the exhilaration of putting it to my lips
Sharp inhalation followed by sputtering coughs
Barely managing to pull in an even breath
Followed by a head rush
My stomach tied in knots and I questioned whether or not I would be sick
But I persisted, and choked it down

Eventually I got used to the taste
I grew to rely on the way my world would stop
My head swam, and time slowed down
My anxious mind was eased, if only for a moment
I craved it more than oxygen

I knew that it would be the death of me
Yet I couldn't walk away
I spent money I didn't have, just to get one more taste
I lost who I was to what I thought I needed

Such was loving you

Time went on and it strangled me
I felt like I could hardly breath

There is no nicotine patch for loneliness
And the nights of missing you still make me shake
But loving you was smoking

**So I quit
LeighB Jun 2014
Lost in seas of I-don’t-know’s  
Captive to the native cant’s
Hope rests ashore  
Faith hands it a cold Red Stripe  

Each wave of depression  
Comes just like the last but with
More heat and tips the balance
Creating a whirlpool in which  
The Monster can live….

He comes like an unseen wave,
accidentally swallowed  
And stays like a tooth pick,
stuck in the stomach;
unwanted and fatal

So she tries to ***** him out of her system; tries to starve him out of her system; tries to… to….
She knows he’s back now
Be very quiet  
So he’ll probably leave if he thinks no one is home
Wrong!
He turns the corner of the wall
She dives under the seas  
He laughs at her  
She knows why,
She’s been a fool
Can’t not see he’s already got her
Can’t not see he’s the full-stop in life
But she refuses to give in.
Because if he’s the full-stop in life,
Then The Great Him must be the exclamation point.

- Leigh-Ann B.
I was going through a really rough time in my life when I wrote this poem (obviously) but it's amazing that after those troubled times passed, I can still look at this poem and learn something from it. Thank you, Internet! For holding onto my docs like a treasure chest.

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