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145 · Mar 2020
H.o.p.e
Laiba Mar 2020
HOLD
ON
PAIN
ENDS
HOLD ON PAIN ENDS
140 · Jan 2020
STOP
Laiba Jan 2020
STOP
JUST STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP  STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP


hurting me with your words
They **** me
I can't anymore
139 · Sep 2020
Tired 29/09/2020
Laiba Sep 2020
I am tired
Tired
Of not sleeping
Tired Of dreaming
I want to sleep
And never wake
134 · Sep 2020
No more
Laiba Sep 2020
I sit in my room and I cry
They want me to say I am fine
I sit in my room and I cut
They want me to pretend I don't
I sit in my room and attempt sucide
They tell me its all for attention

Soon I won't be here to listen...
I cry nobody wants to know... life is ****
133 · Mar 2020
Energy zero
Laiba Mar 2020
What do you call it
When you don't have the energy
To get up
To try to  **** yourself
Dear life I am sorry
130 · Oct 2020
20/10/2020
Laiba Oct 2020
It felt like a warning to what I feel now
Sad.
And suicidal
With no happiness insight
I just want to be alone
129 · Oct 2019
Words
Laiba Oct 2019
The power of words is left unknown
Varries to the world
Varries to me
They say stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me
But
For
Me
Words
****
Me
Sad realty
128 · Oct 2019
Today
Laiba Oct 2019
Is today going to be a happy day?
7:44 am
128 · Oct 2020
Flashback 12/10/2020
Laiba Oct 2020
The man in my head
He says "whenever you hear my voice you come if you don't it would be a very bad outcome"
I didn't
I was sick
So he tortured me
He said I should of died
And that I was worthless
He says I am going to hurt you
Until you wish I stop
But he didn't he lied
He hurt me till the very next day.
127 · Oct 2020
Flashback 3/10/2020
Laiba Oct 2020
I hated every minute.
I hated every second.
Of the times you took me.
The middle of the nights
In the deadest of silence
Laughed at me when i cired.
Went in harder with each breathe I took.
Why dad why
Was i that bad
Had a flashback was painful
126 · Nov 2019
SOMEONE LISTEN TO ME
Laiba Nov 2019
I AM NOT OKAY.
I AM BROKEN.
I AM DYING INSIDE.
I CAN NOT FAKE MY SMILE ANYMORE.
ALL THE DREAMS I SAW HAS BROKEN.
THE TEARS ARE JUST FLOWING AND FLOWING.
WHY OH WHY IS CRYING IN MY DESTINY.
LOWWWWWWW DAYSSSSSS
125 · Mar 2020
Nations silent killer
Laiba Mar 2020
You kept her in a cage
Clipped her wings
Told her lies
Told her she wasn't good enough
And deserved to die
You battered her broken body
Told her fragile birds were never meant to fly
You succeeded in stealing away her self worth layer by layer
But not her will to live each day
For her children

To the nation's silent killer
To all you bombarded by family honour
You watched her leave those rusty cage doors that were latched on tight
You watched her smile cry
Beautiful creations  cannot be hidden
And Cannot be confined
He does not define her
He does not hurt het anymore
She escaped from the statistics
Because her sucide attempts was in front of her kids
She relised she isn't a number
She is a woman  
She is a warrior
She is a mother
MY mother.
She is  stronger
She is free from the nation's silent killer
Sorry mum. For not protecting you. If anyone goes though domestic violence PLEASE seek help. You do not deserve this nobody does.
125 · Oct 2020
Flashback 10/10/2020
Laiba Oct 2020
I am sleeping
He awakes me
He says I am the ugliest person he's ever met
I say Daddy I am sorry
He says you have to be punished for being so ugly
He hurt me till I cried
Recorded every minute of it
Laughed at my pain
Said ugly people deserve that
125 · Jan 2020
Expectation vs reality
Laiba Jan 2020
A happy day in an expectation world would be a day with no tears
A day where I could embrace my mama
And tell her I love her
And I am sorry for not protecting her
Stay in her comfort arms sleep in it
A happy happy day for me in reality
Would be if I died
And nobody cried
124 · Jan 2020
Untitled
Laiba Jan 2020
Why is my living so hard
And so is my dying
The coward inside me
Doesnt let me do either
Too scared to be selfish
To end my life
In the fear  All who pray for my existence
Yet I pray i die.
And I don't even beleive in God
Sorry
Thank you to everyone but in particular the people listed above
124 · Oct 2020
Untitled
Laiba Oct 2020
One step closer
To my mind exploding
124 · Oct 2020
15/10/2020
Laiba Oct 2020
I hate life
I hate myself
Oh how I wish
I would die
And nobody would cry
124 · Nov 2019
I am not sorry
Laiba Nov 2019
I am not sorry
For being
Me
Deal with it
Or leave me
Can't give a crap no more
121 · Nov 2019
Who am I?
Laiba Nov 2019
I was never daddies little angel
Does that mean I am daddies little ****
After all that's all he ever called
Me while abusing me
119 · Sep 2020
Inside me
Laiba Sep 2020
Bottled up the words I have never said
The feelings that I hide
You can see it on my face
If you looked harder
Trapped inside are the words
He told me
I wish it was lies
It was all truth
I am worthless.
118 · Nov 2019
You don't know
Laiba Nov 2019
I CAN'T SLEEP
I HEAR FOOTSTEPS WHEN THERE IS NOBODY THERE
YOU DONT WANT TO KNOW
WHAT I SEE
WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES
I AM NOT SUPRISED SHE KILLED HERSELF
HOW MUCH MORE CAN I TAKE
Low days
117 · Oct 2020
5 years today
Laiba Oct 2020
I remember that day
Mum and dad argued
He ***** her
We watched
Her three little kids
He laughed and said
I will **** you next
He beat her till she was was black and blue
Her three little kids cried
"Daddy stop"
Mum said you don't deserve to treat me like this
Leave right now
She kicked him
Her start to freedom
5 years since my parents divorced
117 · Oct 2020
6/10/2020
Laiba Oct 2020
I can't do it anymore
I just can't..
117 · Mar 2020
He held
Laiba Mar 2020
He held my hand
And said
I hope you die
You little sket.
Dragged me to his room
And did whatever his twisted head
Said to him to do.
116 · Mar 2020
Deserve
Laiba Mar 2020
Laiba you need to die
Your not good enough
I can't die
Because I don't deserve to die
115 · Mar 2020
Broken heart
Laiba Mar 2020
Ask me what a broken heart is
And to live with it
115 · Jan 2020
Relief
Laiba Jan 2020
I'm soppused to feel relief
Now that the holidays are over
But why do I feel worse?
Good morning finally school holidays are over But I don't feel right
114 · May 2020
LIES
Laiba May 2020
LIES
LIES
LIES







WILL **** YOU ONE DAY
SO SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND SCREAM GOODBYE
113 · Jan 2020
Tired
Laiba Jan 2020
I'm tired
I am tired
Tried of everyone
And everything
113 · Nov 2019
has anyone told you?
Laiba Nov 2019
Has anyone told you the pain we all feel?
when we sit in the darkness of our rooms
and we burst out the rivers that are compressed by the masks we hold
Has anyone told you that we are not attention seekers?
when we inflict the straight lines on our innocent skin and we cover because it's our secret
Has anyone told you that words are the most powerful thing alive?
so when you throw your words like a ball in the air
and we cry in your face
its because it hurts, it kills
it breaks us.

Has anyone told you that feeling low is not a joke?
so when you tell us to move on its been years, weeks, days even minutes we cant push the sadness hiding the monster sleeping in our black hearts away.
the monster isn't letting go of us.
Has anyone told you that we are one step to shooting the pain away as each day goes by
Our heart cries and our sadness laughs
we are on the step to ending the brutal suffering
after all how much can one take?

Has anyone told you that anyone with mental health no matter how bad is one community?
we are in this journey together.
so if you judge them, you judge us.
i try to emphasise as much as i can at 14
113 · Feb 2020
Used to be
Laiba Feb 2020
I used to be this person
Who thought she would make
The one person she loved the most happy

But now i can't even
Make myself happy
112 · Sep 2020
Death: the pain of my mind
Laiba Sep 2020
My desire is death
I will cancel any nesscerry plans to free up some space
That is me breathing
That's unesscrrry
Not needed
I feel so low and suicidal right now. I just Dont know what to do or what to say. I wanna stay strong but only works to aan extent this is the first step to letting it out let's see if a poem works
110 · Nov 2019
when
Laiba Nov 2019
When I love you i mean it
When i trust you i mean it
Saddest truth is
I don't love
Nor trust anyone
And  i mean it
110 · Oct 2020
Life
Laiba Oct 2020
Life hates me
I hate life
I hate everything
108 · Nov 2019
TRUTH AND LIES
Laiba Nov 2019
A mask covers my true emotions.
Why should I tell you how I actully feel?
Because every time I do
You look at me like I have committed a crime
By
Saying I am not fine
My life
107 · Nov 2019
It hurts
Laiba Nov 2019
How are you feeling?
What is going on in your mind
Is that your dream that is hurting you inside?
You wake up yelling in your room
You look around wonder who it is
You realise its you
105 · Jul 2020
domestic abuse in lockdown
Laiba Jul 2020
“It's time for me to start listening to me,
The day has come to set myself free,
My head and my heart always at war
My head saying go, my heart shuts the door”
It's not our fault we are trapped
Its what society expects of us to not go out and shout
“They raised their hand and it should be the last”
Today you start following what your gut feeling tells you
Because today they may say they're sorry
Tomorrow they will say it to their grave
It doesn't matter if their first touched you in anger
It shouldn't be tolerated nor covered with a “they love me” statement
Let me clear once and for all
No matter what circumstances we are exposed to
This lockdown will not continue forever
But what will is the cycle of abuse
So pick up the phone and dial 999 when that fear consumes and your black and blue
You may be wondering why i used third person nouns instead of he/she
That is so you know domestic violence affects both male and female boy and girl
No matter the race, religion or ****** orientation..
Lockdown will not cause us to suffer in silence
Helplines are still here no matter what..
Take the courage now before it's too late..
105 · Apr 2020
A headache
Laiba Apr 2020
Got a headache
Bought on by stress
Bought on by heartache.
104 · Aug 2020
Today tomrrow forever
Laiba Aug 2020
Tomrrow is going to be kinda hard
Today was also kinda hard
Is my forever gonan be kinda hard
103 · Apr 2020
Poam for key-worker's
Laiba Apr 2020
During a time like this we cannot help but thank the people stood there

Helping us, caring for us and sacrificing for us,

Heroes do not have to wear a cape

Because our heroes wear lanyards, badges and masks.

The key-workers of our community

Deserve more than just a cheer

More than just a clap

They deserve more than what they get.

The list of the people putting their lives in danger for us is endless .

But they  should not  be forgotten

Always remember who was there for you in the time of your needs.

All the key- workers from hospitals, public services to supermarkets and delivery drivers.

Should never be erased from your memory, looked down upon considered unskilled

Or pushed away to seem invisible neither undervalued as their worth is more then you can count,

The question is will you be there for them like they were there for you?

Fight for them, value them, a simple thank you could do for them.

Always remember when lives are disintegrating like the wind in the sky

These key- workers still work for your everyday wants and needs.
102 · Dec 2019
Waited
Laiba Dec 2019
I waited
4 years
4 ******* years
To get better
But now that the opportunity has arisen
People in my life are Against it
101 · Oct 2019
I am happy now
Laiba Oct 2019
I am finally happy
All my pain and sorrows have gone away
yes in a week without no therpy
I have recovered the endless sadness
And the long lasting hatred
I can be happy for real now
Not put a front on
I can smile now
Without hidding my fear
My nightmares stopped
No more tears
No more flashbacks
No more pain
How happy am I
That everything is sunshine
And everything's beutiful
I have let go of the evil monster
But i hope you know
That i lied
Nothing's changed
100 · Jul 2020
It's all my fault
Laiba Jul 2020
It's all my fault
Its all my fault
The thoughts are running around in my head
Waiting for me to give up and just pick up the knife and end it goodbye
But I can't I wont because that's what he is wants me to do
Life is so so so hard
And I don't think I can do this anymore
So help me before I give up
100 · Aug 2020
Fat
Laiba Aug 2020
Fat
Am I fat?
Why does she always hint out I am then
I'm loosing it
I wanna starve myself
But I know I can't
I want to be skinny so she stops
99 · Nov 2019
Live or to die
Laiba Nov 2019
It's a war in my head
One says to live
One says to die
Which one  should i choose?
97 · Sep 2020
The box
Laiba Sep 2020
The worthless girl
Trapped in the perfect box.
So here I am.
In my box
Not wanting to escpae
96 · Nov 2019
Pain
Laiba Nov 2019
"All this pain is temporary
It's not permanent
We haven't lived life yet
To know any different"
I look at her and say
What do you know
What I go through
Every
Single
******* day
95 · May 2020
To my mother
Laiba May 2020
Through hell and sunshine
You have been there
You are brave
You are a warrior
You are strong
You are my mother
Happy birthday mum
93 · Mar 2020
Why
Laiba Mar 2020
Why
What is the reason why you keep living each day
I am slowly giving up
And I dont want to
So tell me why
You keep living
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