have you always been there -
yes, you have, I know

and now you are leaving
for better things to come for you -

I should have said good luck,
goodbye -
I was too ashamed

because

I never said hello to you
in the first place

listen -
to your voice;
many run through your head
but don't you know how impenetrable you are?

i am living the days a prisoner lives where every moment feels the same and nothing is exciting.
i am locked up in a pretty scape of land
my dreams are made of sand
and castles crumble
and my own hands are numb
the brand of illusion.

dystopian

When you sing,
the wind responds
against my shoulders;
a lasting ring.

An echo
coming from the empty surface
of the Ocean.
A voice, capturing a soul
too weak to resist such melancholy.
She has desolation hidden in the hollow harmony:
the broken spell has me wanting it more.

I take a step into mellow waters,
salt sticking to my skin,
burning my eyes,
fulfilling her command.
Soon the Ocean's at my neck,
my chin,
lingering above my parted lips.
I hesitate,
wait for her song to call once more.
The water floods in.
I am suffocating,
but I want to.

It's such a peaceful thing,
watching the sky disappear above you.
I was sinking to the bottom
of a hungry abyss.

he stole her away,
that's what the stories say -
because women with voice
hardly ever got a choice
and even now
they doubt.

Oliver danced
Olivia glanced
reflections were found
on the ground
by chance.
then again, today,
I heard Oliver say
"She was ever so kind -"
To be stuck in a mind...

when you're a star, watching a planet collapse in on itself … into dust, into nothing.

you are so pathetic;

you cannot see your entrapment unless it is your predator's very teeth bared onto your skin

that is what she said to me as I kissed the flower's of my prisoned paradise.

embraces and we feel more distant
as the night ends
and the curtains close

i lived in the valley of butterflies
and it is now winter

my hands shake when sunlight hits their stony surface
my heart picks up as if I ran away
away into the dust which settles
on these rusted empty kettles,
kettles that once brewed water
to garden a flower, called
you.

the emerald pines breathe
through the cold, forbidden prayer
of Winter's old mass.

the ancient, forest steeple

Wasps buzzing in figs,
a sharp sting for the sweetness
that gods claim to own.

my dearest darling,
ce qui est à moi est à toi
and smell a flower and taste its sweetness and know that the world holds you in its belonging caress so that you are symbiotic and chaotic and live free and happily and loved.

there is no purgatory in regret
only to drink from the Lethe and forget

holy light
on my skin
cool air
patience thin

asylum walls
brick and stone
windowless,
so alone

the most dangerous feeling
is invincibility

so sweet
so shy
we both let months go by

doves send messages
and in the halls
you do not
look at
me

girls in dresses
flowers in their hair
nails painted blue
naive and unaware

that boys in suits
watch them from afar
wishing they were brave enough
to get out of the car

gold and yellow yolk leaks
as the shells, brown fragments of armour
tumble into the clear lake

so it must be morning
though the sun sets as we confess resurfacing memories
that break in front of us
like eggs at breakfast

I am lost between
the senses infused; linger,
letting them last long

how do people speak so much about nothings

I am from
the old brick house at the bottom of a hill;
from a small, sunny backyard;
that twilight taste of cigarette smoke from my neighbour.

I am from midnight walks through the park,
snow angels in the snow,
a house among the trees and hide-and-go-seek on rooftops.

I am from lots of bed time stories,
another one, mommy. Please?
Sitting on the staircase, contemplating whether I should ask to sleep with them because the monster scared me away.

I am from cousins and sleepovers in the summer-shed;
swinging for hours in their living room;
playing minecraft way longer than we should have;
from tag in the woods and more hide and seek down by the creek.

I am from waiting in my room 'till midnight just to make sure he got home safe and sound.
I am from watching the smoke from chimneys in the night,
from thinking that the park was on fire.

Going to twenty different places,
seeing oceans and mountains and adventures,
missing them.

From my first ballet class (and hating it),
from all those competitions and ribbons and costumes,
promising it was my last year every time and finally regretting it when it really was.

I am from going to Grandpa's house everyday after school.
I remember him in his rocking chair, with the cat in his lap, treats waiting our arrival.
He doesn't sit there any longer.

I am from wishing and watching and waiting for nothing.
I am from piles of paper and journals hidden in the corners of my room, scattered with words and memories.

I am from my sister. My mother. My father.

I am from flowers and forget me nots and daisies and lupins.
From the books on my shelves, half of them unread.

I am from staring at my ceiling fan, asking God what was wrong with me.
I am from my Black Book, where those heavy feelings linger.

From those first two weeks of quarantine, reading so much I actually couldn't see properly. And not regretting it at all.

I am from denial, denial, denial was the truth.
But hey, Grace, it's sitting right there in front of you.
Might as well embrace it.

I am from being the sentimental one.
Keeping those shoes that don't fit because I wore them on my trip.
I am from almost diving in too deep.

Sigh

I am from letting go. From love. From memories.
But where I'm from, is letting go.

fingers shake, skin tears
higher up the mountainside:
the climber's vision

I'm the monster who made her question her ability to thrive -
and now look at her, struggling to survive.

stop 3 seconds
wait your turn
signal left
hit the petal

spin the wheel
look both ways
yield to on comers
delicate metal

follow the limit
slow and speed
this gasoline
is human greed

tongues tumble things together until there is a stream,
sewn like a river,
so fluid it rushes in movements,
nonlinear, random waves, curving 'round bends and bays.

gizaagi'igoo - all of us love you

that was probably the string of sounds that stuck with me most.

My street blazes orange
the lake hides in misery
the sky is beige
with the fires of a hot world

wings beat fast a song
in the undertones of wind,
be mine forever?

Tired, dry, sick, and yet
the snow has never stuck
so wet
instead, it rains
or snows and melts
forget the muck
the pain is felt
without the Winter to deflect us.

why is it
that inspiration only befriends me
when happiness has not?

what we love
we let go

what we hold onto
we love

I think myself tall
compared to all below me.
I've never looked up.

Though she was illiterate,
her eyes closed and her mouth opened,
and from her lips sprang melodies that would easily appease Apollo.

I've spent
years of tears
and now I'm broke.
But, my darling,
it's not worth so much
if it cost you all that anyway.

sitting as the scissors trim, hair falling to the floor all dark and wet,

I watch her twirl fragments into sections, watch the sharp, quick movements,

and I gaze, haphazardly, at the girl in the mirror

who sits within herself, makes faces when the brush pulls too hard, smiles slightly when our eyes meet,

and that is when I stop watching the hairdresser but her face instead,

that girl, my sister,

so beautiful and sweet.

A breath held;
a mollusk in the sea,
its shell
so small and fragile,
overtaken
by the wild ocean in a great, swirling motion.

It will be empty now.

pelicans remind the forest
of life beyond the wood

what does the utterer give to the prayer?