eliza, she twirls like a ballerina as the piano moves along
she’s cute and she’s cheerful, she leaps around to a familiar song
oh, but eliza has changed
she’s pale in the face
she’s got goosebumps from the cold rain
eyes welling with tears from the salt she poured in them
eliza, she used to be such a joy to be around
oh, but now she can’t keep a conversation without her hands sweating
her nihilistic views cloud her intuition
she’s like charcoal on a whiteboard
she won’t go away, she haunts my every hesitation
she’s blocking my inhalation
she was like a butterfly in my hand
and now she’s ash from blazing land
such a letdown, such a change in plans
eliza, she glimmers like sequins in the fog
sapphire eyes in hot tubs
but her sadness is her overwhelming weakness
it envelops her in its hurricane
she creaks like old wooden stairs under the weight of her own
she temporarily lives in midnight moonlight sorrow
with weak bones and a crestfallen shadow
burying herself in the emptiness of solitude
the january blues stalking her every move
oh, eliza,
i miss you
who you were, all that you did
i miss your surefire smile
your continuous laugh
your sweet disposition
your hilarious jokes and the positive halos radiating about your head
now she’s volatile
as wild and insecure as an adolescent child
she falls from the stage onto a bed filled with tears
(she calls it a water bed, she tries to remain optimistic)
(all she knows is that the rivers that flood from her eyes show that she is not completely numb)
the spring sentiments used to be her constant
she used to have scraped kneecaps and a clueless exuberance
solely a bandage could heal her
oh eliza,
have i taken you for granted?
have i stripped you of your merit,
leaving you gagging and slumping in the rainfall?
your irises were streaked with summer’s blues
now they’re just stained from the blue ocean tears you cried
oh eliza,
what happened to your sheer happiness,
leaving a movie theater with the main character’s personality?
did the pounding in your chest come from the insecurities i ****** upon you with a thousand pounds of force?
i miss your cathartic release, the eclipse of your moon striped body on my bedroom wall directly in front of the place i lay
she’s casted shadows over the bridge she walks across to sabotage her footing
she sits with her mouth open in frozen silence
trying to capture the warmth that waltzes around her
oh eliza,
am i to blame for this destruction?
your lugubriousness now looming over the flowers on meadows you once danced on
i miss who you were, but mostly who you won’t show
the harsh judgement gathered like dust along your body
you haven’t been you, eliza, for years
eliza, she twirls like a ballerina as the piano moves along
listen to her song
for her worst secrets are held in breakable silence
i started this poem on the 9th of January and i kept adding to it.
1/13/23