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Mar 2020 · 99
Do you remember?
Kobain Mar 2020
Do you remember the time,
You used to be my only reason why?
I got out of bed and felt alive,
And why I didn’t just go ahead and die?
I can’t find reason anymore in this world,
Except I’d really miss you all if I were to go.
I’m not even sure if you’d really miss me at all,
Or if that’s just something that  you say.

We’re better off as friends,
Cause I’m not a good lover.
I’m an addict I am  a joke,
Who will never be good enough.
My heart keeps searching for a someone,
To fill this void calm this raging storm within.
Within me there’s a black hole,
That leaves me blank and empty.

She calls me a survivor,
But I don’t feel quite alive.
Feb 2020 · 134
Go to sleep
Kobain Feb 2020
Pieces of clothing scattered all over my bedroom floor,
This war with myself a war with many ******* casualties.
I’m going to hurt you like I always do so go get out the door,
Millions  hurt and maybe someday soon there will  be one dead.
Don’t know who’s going to win this war the monsters in my head,
Or  will  it  be  me  but  who is me no I just want to disappear and die.
But I’m too afraid of death no I’m just a coward no  I  am   just  a  fool,
I wish I could  just close my **** eyes and go to sleep for ******* ever.

I'm not your daughter no I'm not your daughter no I'm your wait...don't know who I am anymore,
Dig me a  grave but do me a favor save your tears see  sometimes I  feel like I’m already gone.
And I cut all ties to all those who care or I hope and wish that  they'll fix me some  *******  how,
But maybe I'm just this way and maybe I'm not meant to be  fixed  and maybe I was born to go.
Yeah  maybe I was  born to want to  die  maybe I was born to live a lie  maybe I’m afraid to  try,
Maybe I’m scared of life and of death and maybe I’m just terrified of every  single ******* thing.
I don’t want to be alive often wish that I was never born at all and all these things I’ll never say,
Don’t  want  you  to  see me in a different light and I don’t want to see your disappointed  eyes.

I’m  not  your  daughter no I’m not your *******  daughter  no  I’m your so—I’m someone  else,
Don’t  know  if you  know  me  you  should  but  you  don’t cause I’m hiding even  from myself.
Meaningless I  love  you’s are mumbled cause I don’t know how that feels anymore I’m numb, Everyone else are living their lives and then there’s me and I don’t know what I’m doing  ****!
You  say  that  it’s a choice and you say that I should choose to live but what if I don’t want to,
What if  I can’t choose and what if my mind and my body don’t agree  on who I ******* am?!?
And what if  I just feel  *******  lost and dead  and afraid   emotions all over the ******* place,
Tell  me  how  to  control this black hole within taking all hopes and all dreams a ******* way?
Jan 2020 · 252
Drop this shit self!
Kobain Jan 2020
Don‘t do this please oh won’t somebody ******* stop me,
I’m ruining  my life and I’m leading double lives  cheater!
Don’t want to lose  you  cause you mean the world to me,
Look at  my lying  mouth  why is distance so ******* far?
Is this just a  simulation and are we just in my head what,
What do you want from me  or  what do I want from me?
Nobody loves you because  you  can’t even love yourself,
But you’re so addicted to that wanted feeling you need it.

Is she just a joke to you and are you going to ******* hurt her too,
There’s nobody else in the entire world that you can shove this on.
No buddy this is all on you yes this is all on you  no  it’s all on me,
I am the lie and you’re the one lying I’m so disgusted with myself.
Should  stop this  drop  the  phone  you love someone stupid ****,
Just  stop this ****  drop the  phone  and drop  your lies it’s stupid.
Don’t want to lose you and to hurt  you  but  I think I’m bound to,
I‘m such a mess why do you love me I’m such a wreck ****!!!!!!!!!!

Leave me behind I’m sofuckingusless and I’m sofuckingworthless,
I’m just a sad excuse of a human-being you don’t want to love me.
Loving me is a curse because  I can‘t  accept it Ihatemyselfsomuch,
I thought that maybe someone  could ******* save me was wrong.
Think I’m the only one that can truly save  myself thing is though,
Just don’t know how to do it though how  to ******* save  myself.  
But I don’t think you can help me so you should  leave  me  alone,
Probably it’s best if you just shut of  your  emotions  self  destruct!
Jan 2020 · 83
No escape
Kobain Jan 2020
She follows me each and everywhere that I go unwanted,
And she makes me second guess each and every thing  I say.
She doesn’t seem to want to give me a break and give me space,
And I just want to  breathe  but  she’s  got a tight grip strangling me.
So If you think that I want her there well you’re ******* wrong my friend,
Just go ahead you may go on and take her with you  cause I’m tired of her.
Sick and Tired of her mocking and so tired of her pretending to be my  friend,
Leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone why won’t she go?

She hovers around in my brain wherever I try to hide no she’s not very far away at all,
You say I should just fight her just withstand the battle it’s ******* easy apparently.
She says the same god ****** thing I’m a friend not an enemy no I’m a friend,
Not an enemy no I’m your friend not an enemy I’m innocent a friend she says.
She also says that my birth was a mistake can you tell her to just go away,
I’m tired of her I am so exhausted I just want to live a life not a **** lie.
She’s in my head she’s only in my  head  she  loves  playing pretend,
And I don’t think that I can take her for very much longer I’m tired.
Jan 2020 · 111
Fuck leave me alone!
Kobain Jan 2020
Your fear it's irrational because all of its inside your  ******* head,
   She says to stop  making excuses and to stop pushing the ******* blame.
Maybe  I'm  just stuck being a little child who  can't  take  responsibility  for  ****,
She says everyone's afraid but the question of the day is what are you going to do?

Don't ask cause I don't have the answers to any ******* thing,
And I do not know who I am today or who the **** I'll be  tomorrow.
Running  away  and  hiding  from  each  and  everyone  and  ever­ything,
it's   just   easier   this   way   than  facing  the  *******  truth  and facing  you.
The   monsters   in   my   head   disguised   as   my   own   treacherous   thoughts,
Screech and scream  angry words and vexed provocations and they demand to be heard.
Please  just  give  me  some  peace  and  silence  and  pl­ease  just  stop ruining my ******* life,
All of it's inside  my  *******  head  ****  just leave me the **** alone don't follow me to ******* bed!
Apr 2019 · 565
Go ignore
Kobain Apr 2019
Go ignore yourself, go be someone else,
Say it’s all okay, smile another day.
smile, inside you’re crying,
Laugh, inside you’re dying.
Say it’s just a moment, it’ll go in a minute,
hide away your feelings, bottle all emotions.
You keep hearing questions, questions you can’t answer,
You don’t know the answers, growing sick and tired.

Go ignore your friends, possibly the best,
watch em walk away, from this utter fake,
Doesn’t know themselves, doesn’t know what to say.
Smile, there’s no tomorrow,
laugh, there’s no today.
They don’t know you, darling like I do.
Ignore the silent voices, mute yourself you’re silent,
watch as you scream and shout, look there’s not a sound.

Go ignore you’re family, they don’t mean a thing,
No it’s all ok,  they‘re just everything to you.
Go avoid your father,
just cause he will hate you, if he only knew,
who you are today, such a disappointment,
Bad taste , bad excuses, god you’re really hopeless.
Go avoid your mother,
Yes avoid her questions, go ahead keep you’re distance,
Watch her sit in silence, watch it you’ll lose her too.

The world still turns and turns,
the worlds still in its orbit.
We’ve got a billion thounsand heads,
millions loosing their sleep.
And a billion thousand hearts,
millions of them hurting.
I am only one,
in billion thousand souls,
So insignificant,
So irrelevant.

— The End —