Smoke clears,
Dead fears,

Drowning helpless,
But no one hears.

Silent scream,
Distant gleam,

Wishing this blood,
Was just a dream.

Coming into the world,
      Like a disease,
                                  Captured,
By reality.

A million things to apologize for.
Ten thousand times I wish Id said
"I'm really not ******* okay".
A thousand days I want to do
Over again.
A hundred times whispered
"I hate who I have become"

Ten days that all I saw
Was the end I need to carry out.

And one
Just one
Simple step.
Slide the knife
End your life.

But instead I held on.
I hoped for better.
I prayed I could be more.
And I found
That I'm not.

I'm still broken,
Still shattered,
Still lost.

I still hate who I've become.
Only now I scream it in my mind.
Hoping the world will hear
But praying no one will bother.

I don't want to be a burden
I just want to love her.
But maybe broken people are meant
To stay broken
And to break the things the touch.
Maybe I'm broken
Because I'm meant to be this way

i'm sure you could imagine,
the new proud parents' joy.
when the doctor finally announced,
"you have a baby boy"

as she held him in her arms,
all their worries were erased.
they didn't know then,
of the troubles they would face.

"i'm sorry i have to be the one to say,
your little boy has cancer.
i know that life seems hard today,
things are always worse before the get better."

endless hours of chemotherapy,
hospitals becoming a second home.
dozens of tests to check his status,
he was watched but felt so alone.

some days he felt big and strong,
and other days trapped in hell.
it was in the little boy's smile,
the way that you could tell.

and though the boy was small in size,
he fought with all his might.
the cancer's strength he matched for awhile,
he put up a pretty good fight.

time of death, 4:12

his mother smoothed down his hair,
and kissed him on his cheek.
the tears rolled down her face,
she'd never felt so weak.

his father felt his son's heart beat,
then fall silent just as fast.
he had been there for his son's first,
and he had felt his son's last.