In seventh grade I watched my friend bleed out
Holding what was left of his leg, he whispered, "This isn't good."
They say that the human body contains eight pints of blood
I counted nine.

When you were born, no one knew.
No one knew how intense the galaxy inside of you was.
How each star would illuminate your eyes,
and how you would illuminate mine.

In tenth grade,
my dad didn't talk to me for three months.
I didn't know who I was for three months.
My light became darkness as his love became emptiness.
Father, love me the way I love you. I pretend not to,
please be the same way as me.

Your heart grew faster than my hands, brother.
I hope someone loves you more than I.
For I am what you are, everything without and within,
forever and without the night.

Mother,
do you feel what I feel? Do you see what I see?
Am I what you imagined, more or less?
Do my words matter? Does my heartbeat pound alone?
Do you love me?

You are what illuminates my eyes, Queen Anne's Lace.
With or without, from your eyes to mine,
silence with noise, electricity moves throughout
yet I am calm. You are what I know,
and all that should be known is that
you deserve to be happy.

In twelfth grade my father tried to stab me.
If he was successful, it wouldn't have been the first time
one of his actions got past the surface level.

It's not your fault, burning rainbow on the water.
Adaptation without reclamation I find you in my translation
as hurt yet elation. Mother.

My kaleidoscope,
so soon,
mirroring colors and shape.
Am I looking at myself?

I don't care if you don't comprehend, the words I say or how I end.
And if you don't understand the words that pass,
your eyes, like your heart, are transparent glass.
Taste throughout, with blood mixed in, the way I beat has always been
to know, to show, to allow what I see now to be seen,
may I know what I let go is what I'll always mean.
Thunderbolts from your mouth, good luck to me because I am shocked.
There is no lock. There is no lock. There is no lock.

I live throughout different years, with evolving eyes without resolving fears.
I've been afraid. I've been lost.
Kaleidoscope.
No longer, no more.  
My heart is an open door.

Blood stained pants.
Hands without.
With every word,
every shout.

You know you're
in Love when
she kisses the
tip of your nose
and you think
that every single
star in the known
Universe was made
in her image.

when i hear voices i pretend they're all you because it makes me feel better, like you don't keep leaving every time i get close to you. i like it when they tell me they're watching me. i blow them kisses.

your words are like salt in my cuts that you put there but i'll take it because at least now you're ******* talking to me. all i am to you is the one who showed you that love isn't beautiful. love is choosing the gun over the knife because it's faster.

1- i'm scared i'll end up like you when i grow up
#2- i'm scared i'll forget our time together
#3- i'm scared you'll go further in life than me
#4- i'm scared we won't keep in touch once we graduate
#5- i really want you to be in my life
#6- sometimes i feel like we don't even know each other, but we're best friends
#7- i like your attention but don't like you
#8- i don't know what i'll do when you die
#9- i compare myself to you obsessively
#10- i think i really like you

Rain is dripping

Down...

Down...

Down...

Rolling to the frosty ground.

Rain is dripping, freezing there,

Falling through the frigid air.

Rain is plopping on my nose.

Plinking, plonking, down it goes.

Freezing to my window pane.

Little moments in the rain...

I will not fall.
I will not drop.
Into the dark.
I'll never stop.
I won't look back.
I hear the call.
I will not trip
I'll never fall.

Though things seem stark.
The light is there.
The starlight twinkles
Through the air.
When darkness falls
I'll stay awake.
The cold will numb,
The nagging ache.

My brother told me
that if I keep dressing the way I do
and cutting my hair short
I'm going to look like a man.

I hope so.

Maybe, if people think I'm a man,
no one will tell me I can't
listen to Van Halen because
"it's guy music".

Maybe, if people think I'm a man,
they won't think I'm the antichrist
when I kiss my girlfriend.

Maybe if people think I'm a man,
they won't expect me to shave my legs
and arms
and every other area with
"unsightly hair".

Maybe if people think I'm a man,
my teacher will not tell me
to make sure I marry someone
who can support my family
and will start telling me
how to ******* support my family.

Maybe if people think I'm a man
they won't get angry at me
when I refuse to send
pornographic photos of
my body.

Maybe if people think I'm a man
I will be able to walk home
at night without pepper spray
on my keychain in case
I look too "provocative".

Maybe if people think I'm a man
I will finally get treated
with some *******
**respect.