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Kairos 21h
Six weeks from now everything changes.
Leaving family and friends, colleagues and neighbours.
No more car or address, speaking native to strangers.
Just me, two bags, and thoughts as a burden.
I step into the dreams that I dreamt for so long.

— — —

Travel has always soothed my mind.
Backseat, between my brothers.
I look outside and explain it all:
That road heads north, look there’s fish to catch!
It doesn’t matter where I go, inspiration everywhere.

— — —

The divorce doesn’t matter, mom and dad seem happy.
Twice the vacations! Twice the presents!
Never talk about the other house, pretend and please.
It’s just a secret. A trade for love.
I lie well. Kids do.

— — —

When I grow up I will see it all, no secret can hide from me!
I am independent, I don’t need your help.
Who do you think you are for even offering it to me?
I’m smarter than you, I will find my way.
There’s nothing I shouldn’t be able to reach on my own.

— — —

We are doing great on our own, don’t notice the mess.
We don’t want a family, can’t you imagine the stress?
No one understands the way we think, how we feel.
Why even try connecting if it’s not meant to be?
We know the stories. We tell them. We believe them.
Isn’t that enough?

There’s no need to run, is there?
Look how well you’ve been doing!
Don’t ruin it chasing what you’ll never keep!
Are you sure? Not just impulse again?
Is it really necessary?

— — —

Bless you for all that you’ve done for me.
I wish you’d leave now, it’s time, but I’m sure you’ll stay.
Tell me all the lies I used to love.
Where’s the doubt and shame?
Show me if you are still able to be creative.

It seems easy now, a simple life.
Would I have even gotten here, if it wasn’t for you?
Tickets booked, goodbyes planned.
Or maybe everything has already changed.
Kairos 1d
this transition
this phase
not the worst - maybe the best
could the kid have resurfaced
if not first folded into deep rest
Kairos 1d
Do I finally trust myself enough to be happy again?
Why have I allowed this inner critic to roam free?
How do I argue with the walls it built from solitude?
What made me choose guaranteed misery over the risk of being hurt?

Now I see its need to protect me.
Give it a seat at the table, listen, it's losing influence.
Numbness, the friend that always shows up.
Yes. Risk being seen, I'm done hiding.
Kairos 1d
If you only knew
how your eyes and mind still glow
I'm never alone
Kairos 1d
Sweetness in the leap long postponed
Critics appear, interfere, and are seen
Grasping at nothing, they slip away
Where I am going.
This is our goodbye.

— The End —