It's hard to speak openly as a man
who only knew how to be a boy.

My credentials are lackluster,
I only have my mothers words

on how I never learned patience.
My heart fears big men in small places,

I guess that's why I never grew up...
I was afraid to stand tall and speak up.

I wake with stone eyes that
plaster tears through my crevices;
petrifying my momentum.

I'm stuck here perpetually,
praying only to those who can't hear.
I'm a stone wall; a mountain that
passes no breeze.

I solidify in this coffin waiting
bitterly for a lovers kiss
that will never come.
for my worth isn't written on my lips;
its plastered on my obituary.

I failed all my poetry
by belching words
that isn't me
I bob and weave and stitch the
seams
adverting mental catastrophe
with one eye flush and one eye
shut
I spew the jargon that lights me up
I post it here I post it there
and hope it sticks and fills
the air

O, it is definite.
I submit to your summit,
And linger there indefinitely.

Like my father did,
O, so perfectly lulled;
took the pill

His mother nursed him with,
To forget his father, he who
Met his grace

Earlier than the stripling of your years.
O, how he reset your communion,
Traced your strength asunder-

Compacted you into diamonds;
Your violence mined them with duds.
Recall me now, you recalled me then-

Never now, do you see me,
Without yourself as him.
Him for his failings.

I am your mirror to you,
The roses you gave me
Have been rotting since 1962.

O father, I just wanted you to be true
But you took your dead father,
And gave me him too.

The peace inside me is cracking blue

the hatred of men and the loathing of women
***** lonely tombstones from coast to coast

and I can't help but think
our violets are rotting at the root

Tangling temperament fouls my mood
Whispers of paradise; illicit and ****
Conquers my femur, my patience-
I brood.

Lips kiss of magic, twisted with soot
Who comes to split me?
To carve me in twos...
Magnificent folly, cement me in glue.