totality crushes
red and blue flames
char and boil in bursting streams
all throughout, circulating and
articulating me—
a billion units of decaying anatomy
that buckle and fragment
at every scene I sabotage
and blunder

him, pierce so violent
him, scream so quiet

all while drowning in hands
that touch with love

whenever I inquire,
and feed me handsomely

ruining my moment of drought

love gets me going
and makes me stop

puke and *****
repeating harshly

when I dont hit the mark
my fumbling, my emboldening

love gets me going
and makes me stop

like a buckshot to the heart
twitching and lurching

my fumbling, my emboldening
harshly I love

i've been displaced too many times to care about grace

my needle is crude from threading
all this flesh back together

it butchers and stitches
my lava veins into a regularity

im used to this uprooting now
and I find my pleasure in misery

a callous heart pumps all the same

there is an indifference in the steam
that clouds the undeserving

their effigy is finely plastered
on the buckled femur of the contemptible

who transcribed their vapid fate,
a day sleeper, or night dweller?

i think there's a split in their feminine and masculine; a pubecently, adolescently poignant

infant-grown mongrel bewitched by neurons obsessed with cyclical "whys"

reveal themselves as ignorantly circular
in a functional world of squares

i think of tragedy
to imagine a stream of love
pouring out for me

i think of cataclysm
to imagine big arms
comforting me

i think of death
to imagine life
radiating from me

i think of shade
to imagine colour
seeking me

i think of you
to imagine love
loving me

i think of tragedy
to imagine the good
i need

there is a ****** tension
between my ego and my self-loathing

they both love to **** each other,
it's almost alarming

looking in the mirror I'm so alluring,
I could blow a kiss

while plotting to sedate myself,
to fabricate a bliss

I legalize hate for myself
to encourage my fouling

I pollute the good in me,
so why would it surround me?