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Slightly Lovely Apr 2018
Syzygy
Alignment of three celestial bodies,
My mind
My body
My soul
I await the day
When I am all I'm meant to be,
I await the day that
I become a force to be reckoned with,
I await my Syzygy.
Slightly Lovely Apr 2018
Take your last kisses,
Take your imaginary love
Take your stupid anger
And Take your heart away from mine
C a u s e    b a b y,
We’re
T O X I C
I’ll be yours, and you can be my phantom
C  a u s e   b a b y,
We’re
F A K E
Slightly Lovely Jun 2019
You ask me to stay young, but think maturely,
You want me to behave like an adult but treat me like a child,
You expect me to be emotional, but shut me down when I am.

You take my words as stupid and irrational,
when all my teachers listen.
Why would you even send me to school,
if you won't listen to my educated beliefs?

My friends say I'm smart and pretty and kind, responsible and fun
My family treats me like I'm rebellious and stupid.
And my sister calls me fat and mean and boring.
...
It's so hard to like what I am when everyone I love,
tells me different information.
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Slightly Lovely Jun 2020
You, my father,
The one who says
“Meet me in the middle.”
So I take a step forward,
While you take two back.
Ugh. I just. I will never, ever marry anyone like my father. I do love him, but he’s impossible and emotionally manipulative and too far in disfunction to even realize that he makes mistakes.
Slightly Lovely Oct 2020
When the fire first started,
I ignored the sparks and smoke.
But as I grew,
I began to burn.
Hands exploring myself,
a new sensation at my fingertips.
I used to feel guilty,
like ******* was a sin.
But I don't feel that way now,
as whimpers fill the room,
hitched pretty breathing,
little whines and sighs.
I think I was created for this,
and God knew that the flames would lap at my body,
made me to burn and build and crescendo.
So I don't feel guilty anymore,
and I guess,
I never should have.
(this might be the most scandalous pome i've ever written.
Slightly Lovely Sep 2019
You were such a Lion Hearted Girl.
How do I stop feeling this way.
stop the guilt and the longing.
You never apologized for how you felt,
Life was tough, but so were you.
You were so harsh and sharp,
yet when you spoke to me you became malleable and soft.
God I miss you, but i didn't when you were mine.
Which is a sign as clear as any other...
Slightly Lovely Dec 2019
a lovely angel girl,
who fell in love with a beautiful human.
The girl eventually broke and fell and searched,
but she could not find her human, no matter how she tried.
so she wandered.
they say she got lost,
walking farther,
                            and  f a r t h e r,
                                                        and   f  a  r  t  h  e  r.
and now, no one knows,
if she can even be found.
Slightly Lovely Feb 2018
I may be silent
I may be an introvert
I may be that silent kid in the back
And I know sometimes my thoughts are violent
But my soul will be deafening

Yes,
I guess sometimes
I would rather be in a book than reality
But if we could talk you’ll see
That I am really not that bad

And I might not always express it
But my feelings are sometimes suffocating me
And I can’t always tell you
I will try,
maybe not in the ways you know
But hopefully you’ll pick up
on my thoughts

I sit and I listen
As a wallflower; I know the secrets
That are not always audible…

The secret of the wallflower
I may be silent
I may be an introvert
I may be that silent kid in the back
And I know sometimes my thoughts are violent
But my soul will be deafening

Yes,
I guess sometimes
I would rather be in a book than reality
But if we could talk you’ll see
That I am really not that bad

And I might not always express it
But my feelings are sometimes suffocating me
And I can’t always tell you
I will try,
maybe not in the ways you know
But hopefully you’ll pick up
on my thoughts

I sit and I listen
As a wallflower; I know the secrets
That are not always audible…
Slightly Lovely Apr 2018
I CRIED
HE WHISPERED
I CALMED AND TRIED TO LISTEN
“YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND YOU ARE LOVED”
WHY DID EVERYONE TELL ME THIS
IT ISN’T TRUE.

“I KNOW YOUR HURTING, BUT THIS WORLD IS NOT YOUR HOME”
I KNOW SO WHY LIVE IN IT?
“BECAUSE, LOOK AT THE WORLD AROUND YOU”
I TURN, AND I SEE HORRORS
BUT BEHIND THAT THERE ARE MIRACLES
THERE IS BEAUTY
AND IT MIGHT TAKE A HUNDRED SLEEPLESS NIGHTS JUST TO HEAR HIS  VOICE,
OR A MILLION TEARS TO BREAK MY WALLS AND SEEK HIS  COMFORT,
BUT THERE IS SO MUCH MORE THAN WHAT WE CAN SEE.
SO I WILL LIVE ON,
IN AWE AND WONDER
...
Slightly Lovely Nov 2019
i'll see you again,
when the god above,
decides it's time
for our paths
to cross
again.
ill run back to you,
if only you'll wait for me.
Slightly Lovely Nov 2018
You’re coming home,
Three days,
Three days and I’ll be pressed against your chest,
No more facetiming across the world,
No more calling at midnight while you pick up at 6am…
Instead of uneasy words,
When I cry you can hold me, you can twirl my hair and rub my back
Like you used to.
When I want to scream you can drive me out to the middle of nowhere and let me,
We can drive again, music blaring, voices singing,
hands out the window and smiles plastered to our faces.
Three days until I get my brother back...
Slightly Lovely Jun 2019
I am Christian.
and I am loving.
Love who you love,
Cause God loves you.
He made you perfect how you are.
I believe if you have the opportunity to help,
you should.
That person's prayers could be answered through you.
And no, God doesn't hate gay people,
He doesn't hate anyone. That is his truth.
The journey might be hard, but it is always worth it.
I believe that everyone is better than their darkest moment.
And I never would have believed these,
If I hadn't been through hell and back.
I promise you, no matter what you believe or who you are,
It will be okay.
You will make it, even if you don't think so.
Slightly Lovely Sep 2020
Lay with me in the rain,
  Walk with me in the twilight,
  Hold me in the dark,
  Sing to me from beside the fire.
       You glow on the fading sunlight of an autumn day,
                                                                The leaves falling,
                                       And so are you,
Dying
i love you still
Slightly Lovely Dec 2019
An apology without change,
is just manipulation.

I love you, but I can wait till your rule over my life ends.
3 more years, 3 more years, 3 more years.
Slightly Lovely Apr 2018
You took me away
She needs me
And you tore me away

A friend, beautifully minded
Forever alone
Trapped in a darkness
And when she needed me most,
You took me away

I’m sorry
I'm so so sorry
Slightly Lovely Aug 2019
To the girl with long brown hair,
Your eyes are intoxicatingly intricate,
And I didn’t notice until
They wouldn’t leave my head.
Until they were all I could see...
Until they had left a haunting on my heart.
•••
To the girl with glasses,
I didn’t realize what was missing.
I didn’t know how I needed you...
And suddenly you were there...
And I felt whole.
•••
To the girl who smells of soap
and ocean waves,
I didn’t- couldn’t- express my feelings.
That day that you expressed yours.
Inside my heart, an unpredictable sea.
But the storm has passed,
and I know now.....
But it’s too late,
Opportunity missed,
like a leaf in the wind.
•••
To the girl who sings,
You feel of late night vibes,
A constant reminder of delirious laughter
And whispered secrets.
...
I know you have to go,
I even understand that you’ll be back...
I know it shouldn’t make a difference,
But it does
And I’m still hurting.

•••
To the girl of roleplays,
I know it’s lame to say this,
But when our characters,
Touch and love and kiss...
My stomach gets a million butterflies
And my heart does backflips.
•••
To the girl named Avery,
If I could express my feelings,
I would.
But you feel for another,
And my parents restrict on who I can love,
So I will sit here,
In my veil of       S   I   L   E   N  C   E
•••
To you, my sweetheart...
You make every day worth living,
And I know we hugged goodbye,
But I still cried myself to sleep last night.
•••
To the girl I love,
You are the most;
Smart, kind, ethereal, funny and cunning
person that I know.
•••
I can imagine us in our twenties.
In only our T-shirt’s and underwear,
We cook and dance.
It’s early, but you sing anyway,
as I only grumble at the time...
———————————————————
You hug me from behind,
And I kiss your cheek.
You’ll say “Morning Sunshine”
And I’ll sleepily reply,
“Morning Sweetheart”.

I imagine evenings where you are ranting,
Pacing our living space.
I’ll sit and listen, a cup of wine in my hand.
In the end, I’ll offer comfort and love,
Laying your head down on my lap,
I’ll hum,
I’ll play with your hair,
I’ll give you my thoughts,
And if you fall asleep,
I’ll lay there all night,
so as not to wake you.

I imagine you getting overwhelmed,
By all my emotions and irrationality,
But somehow still finding it endearing.
I imagine bumps and cracks,
But in the end, it’ll all be worth it....

I imagine us.
And I’m too afraid to say it.
I.    L O V E.    Y O U.
I'm dealing with some stuff and questioning some things.
Slightly Lovely Nov 2019
you don't know what you'll become,
but i promise it's worth it.
This world has made you strong and kind.
oh, what a wondrous thing,
to say,
"i fell apart, and survived."

yes, you'll be okay.
just keep breathing.
Slightly Lovely Dec 2018
You, the boy with the large flannels and red hair,
You the boy with the puffy eyes and soft hugs,
The boy I don’t know well yet but already love,
The boy who smells of fallen leaves and cinnamon
You haven’t been in my world very long, but when I see you it makes my day
All the dumb jokes, easy smiles, and quiet understandings,
All of your soft affections are why I wish we were closer.

You, the girl with the high skirts and the curves,
You, the girl with tights and cat sweaters,
The girl who I wish for when I feel desperate, when I need a hug,
The girl who smells of floral air, of clean soap.
You provided a comfort I didn’t know I needed,
All the kisses on my cheek, the soft embraces and the warm intertwining of fingers,
All these things are why I’m so grateful I met you.

You the boy with the yellow beanie and the inked hands,
You, the boy who’s always laughing to scare away the sadness,
The boy who taught me the importance of acceptance,
The boy who smells of marshmallows and smoke.
You made me realize that there’s more to life than good grades and church,
All those deep conversations, the uncontrolled laughter, and the love for your friend group,
All these moments are all the reasons I’m so glad we’re friends.

You the girl with the long legs and the monotone clothes,
You, the girl with the elegant figure and the ever changing hair,
The girl who has always been there,
The girl who smells of pine needles and tea,
You who always knows, and is closer to me  than anyone,
All those inside jokes, soul sharing and constant support,
All this love is why I’m still here…

You, the boy with mocha skin and the dark eyes,
You, the boy with the charming personality and intimidating anger,
The boy who I wish I knew better,
The boy who smells like the dark clouds before a rainstorm,
You are unknown to me, but when you smile at me it makes my heart warm with motherly love,
All the kind remarks, humorous glances and small blushes
All of your characteristics make me yearn for a longer conversation.

You, the girl with the blonde curls and bold eyes,
You, the girl with the shared silence and the quiet mouth,
The girl who I rant to, the one who shares my book loving nature
The girl who will squeal over Harry Potter, and talk at the perfect times.
The girl who smells of new books and ocean spray,
You make me regret my too timid nature, make me wish we had started our friendship earlier,
All the random topics, long rants and knowing looks
All of  your endearing quirks are why I hope you never leave

You, the boy with the great style and fun hair,
You, the boy who is so extra and yet still calming,
The boy I can always hug and who always jokes,
The boy who lives in an unknown world of pop culture and makeup,
The one who smells of tree bark and bubbly cologne
You remind me of my brother, bringing with you familiarity and laughter,
All your performances, loud exclamations and soft conversations,
All aspects of you make me glad I got the ***** to make friends

You, the girl with the speckled face and brown eyes,
You, the girl with sass and snark
The girl who was always kind, and is always up for a conversation,
The girl willing to talk about everything and nothing at all
You who smells of softly tread dirt and new life,
All your pretty pictures, moments of comisory, and kind words,
All these things are why you make me smile
I'll probably add on to this later
Slightly Lovely Feb 2020
im so so sorry
Slightly Lovely Apr 2021
I want to be so much lighter than I am
Slightly Lovely Feb 2021
I let my guard down,
and now I think
I want to kiss you
....


****.
(Would you like me too?)
Slightly Lovely Apr 2021
I want to crash my car into a tree at 120 mph.
I want it to end as violently as the anguish inside of me.
I want the adrenaline rush just to feel something before it all ends.
And I want to play my quiet music
and watch my blood drip into the bath,
I want to swallow all the sleeping pills in my cabinet
and watch the world blur around me.
I want to listen to your voice as I go,
and I want to be held by my family and friends with tears in their eyes.
I want to raise my ****** hand to their cheek to wipe the pain away,
I want kisses on my hair and I want to know that the end will be good.
I want to be so much lighter than I am.
I am talking to my therapist and i reached out to the national hotline, so It'll be okay guys. I never seem to get what I want anyways
Slightly Lovely Feb 2020
we're people who have grown up feeling so isolated,
we turn the music up just to stop feeling alone.
Slightly Lovely May 2021
the scent of the flame
a type of beauty existing in pain
An aching for the feel of a hand in mine,
as if the whole world felt your tears like rain,
an explosion of human understanding,
existing within a single vein.
Slightly Lovely Oct 2020
that tastes of heartache?
That feels like longing?
Is it you?
Or is it the ghost I never quite stopped loving?
Slightly Lovely Mar 2021
Was there ever a better pair than sad music and sunny skies?
Melancholy in the way of life,
The bittersweet ache of:
                                     y e a r n i n g
                                            and
                                         l i v i n g
                                            and
                                      b r e a k i n g
                                            and
                                       l o n g i n g
i listened to phoebe bridgers and julian baker today, and the sun made their sweet sadness ache like i was happy. But i wasn't. And i'm not.
Slightly Lovely Mar 2020
Beautifully
Breathlessly
Dangerously
  Y o u.
Slightly Lovely Feb 2020
What *******.
Life will slam a million doors in your face.
I'm not gonna wait around for the "right door" to open,
If I know the path God has made for me,
is through the door Satan just closed,
You better **** well believe,
I'll open it again.
Slightly Lovely Apr 2021
do you ever cry about me?
and if so,
do you think that sometimes,
we cry together?
Slightly Lovely Jan 2023
The lover of my beloved
Our chests move in time
Your steady breathing next to me
I slept better next to you,
My dear friend,
Than I have in weeks.
How I adore the love we share,
The talks and secret understandings
Please come back to me,
Kiss him for me,
Hold me close,
Share my tears,
Be here.
Slightly Lovely May 2019
I miss you.
Can we start over?
I know we both want what we had, but is that lost?
Can I come over?
Maybe explain and  introduce who I am now?
...
Do you still want me?
I cried myself to sleep,
Night after night.
Is this what it's like to be me?
I scream and kick and shout
Crying and tearing...
Should you know me?
Would you heal without me?
I don't know.
I love you.
Somehow, by becoming who I am, I lost who was most important to me....
Why
Slightly Lovely May 2022
Why
I am exhausting.
The evidence is in my mother's eyes,
The tensing of shoulders when I call my partner pretty,
The tortured yes when I ask to see my friends,
The disappointed sigh when I am excited about books and movies.
It's in my father's voice when he asks about my faith
when they ask why I can't just be content.
It's in the way I hear them argue about me,
It is in the way I am never enough until I am too much,
Never enough to convince my father to go to therapy,
Never enough to be the one protected from books,
Never enough to be believed,
And then I am too much,
Drowning everyone around me,
Selfish, dark, a ruiner,
Screaming to be cared for,
Screaming to be listened to.
I stopped asking, I stopped showing my want
Tugging knees to myself to be less,
Sparing cash and care when I'm broke and tired,
And you ask why, why, why,
But I can't explain cause you never listened in the first place.
Slightly Lovely Dec 2019
Am I still your sunshine?
Can you still love me?
I’ve never stopped loving you.
And if I’m being honest, I don’t think I ever will.
Slightly Lovely Feb 2019
Kindred spirit of mine,
An Aesthete of nature,
Tenaciously stubborn,
Eunioic minded.
For my friend...
Slightly Lovely Mar 2022
You deserved so much more than what you were given,
My love,
You deserve the smell of rain on concrete,
Of crying in a lover’s arms,
Hands through your hair,
Hugs from behind,
Swaying in an embrace as you make pasta,
Pj days and thrifting hauls,
And someone who will pick up your room and bring you cocoa when you can’t get out of bed.
My Darling,
You deserve the world,
And everything it has to offer.
Slightly Lovely Apr 2020
Losing you was breathing in cold air and not having anything to exhale.
It was staring into mirrors with no reflection,
Walking under the moonlight with no shadow,
Or rain pouring your clothes to your skin.
I feel everything and nothing all at once,
When I am without you.
Slightly Lovely Sep 2021
I want to crawl inside your skin just to feel you better.
I want you to talk until the end of time,
So I can know your voice completely,
I want to be so intimately close to you,
That we are part of each other's stories.

You are spitfire and tears,
And you're soothing whispers in the night and talks about stars.
You consume me.
You consume everything.
Like the sun.
And I knew I could never hold you down,
So I'll bask in your warmth from afar.
I'll be here, waiting for the next time you want me.
For the next time you break me
(I'm not in an abusive relationship I just have an unhealthy view of how much of myself to give away.)
Slightly Lovely Oct 2018
The taste of butterscotch and sunshine laces my lips.
And the scent of honey and smoke fills my lungs,
If I could choose one color, it’d be your love.
You are the warm glow of fire,
making even the darkest of places your home.
And if you could stay my friend, I’d greatly appreciate your kindness,
I know others are closer,
but when they pull you with them, begging for your soft glow,
I wish we’d stay here, closer in our friendship of yellow
okay this was a pure emotional write and i sort of hate it but imma post it anyway and just hope no one cares about how absolute trash it is..
you
Slightly Lovely Nov 2021
you
you were pliant,
skin yielding under my hands,
lips velvet over mine,
everything about you
dips, perfect and smooth
how could someone so sweet, so soft,
leave me so bloodied?
Slightly Lovely Oct 2019
I find you in the smallest breath,
in the quiet books,
the thundering rain,
sunflowers,
the light sound of wind chimes.
Your eyes are so out of reach,
and your lips have never pressed against my skin.
But still I see you,
still I have you.
and I can't let go, even if I tried
You
Slightly Lovely Feb 2019
You
I miss you.
I ache with you like I never have before.
Sometimes I forget.
Get used to the emptiness.
Don't remember your absence.
Im sorry... I'm so. Sorry.
If you died. how long would it take for me to forget?
...
.....
I hate myself for doing this to you
...
I want you back.
But it's been a month and I don't know if you'll ever return.
So Happy Valentines Day Love.
You
Slightly Lovely Oct 2018
You
A thousand delicate moments,
of fall forests, and moon music...
A soft whisper,
of peachy dreams, and diamond winds...
Reaching, always searching,
An impossibility, a forbidden caress.
I can never have  You.
Slightly Lovely Nov 2018
Winter dreams and soft love,
Comfortable silences and quiet kisses
You and me, never together, but always held close.
Slightly Lovely Aug 2022
You are my best friend,
My other half,
My favorite Puzzle Piece.
You are summer nights and fair rides
You are watching video games,
Making potions,
reassurances.
You are love
Slightly Lovely Sep 2019
You remind me of the blue irises I used to walk past.
Disappearing when the world becomes frigid and dark,
And raising your striped arms, as soon as the sun appears.
You know how to sway your body,
Matching the movements of this world.
You appear cold and uncaring, but at your center is a heart of yellow,
Pure and warm and safe.
Yes, you are an Iris.
A beautiful flower, too far for me to see.
Slightly Lovely Jun 2019
I'm willing to fight but are you?
I don't want us to end, but do you?
I've always been the one to reach out,
But if I wait will you ask me?
Do you blame me for leaving, when you were the one to go?
Are you mad that I didn't try to fix this ,
When you are just as capable?
Why am I always the one trying...
Should I just give up?
are you okay? I'm so confused.
Slightly Lovely Oct 2021
I hate the way you cared for me.
I would have rather never been loved than to know what I do now
To know how it feels to be comforted,
To have your soft hands holding my face
To curl my body into yours,
To hide my face in the crook of your neck,
To be safe,
To be loved.
That is the cruelest thing you've ever done to me.
I miss you

— The End —