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Slightly Lovely Jan 2023
The lover of my beloved
Our chests move in time
Your steady breathing next to me
I slept better next to you,
My dear friend,
Than I have in weeks.
How I adore the love we share,
The talks and secret understandings
Please come back to me,
Kiss him for me,
Hold me close,
Share my tears,
Be here.
Aug 2022 · 126
I adore you
Slightly Lovely Aug 2022
Cold shoulder,
Sleepy grumble.
A berate about the sheets,
A tough act.
You seem so dominating,
I love to see you soft.
Kissing the backs of my hands,
Pressing to my forehead.
Whimpers with my hands in your hair,
Tongue so eagerly licking into my mouth.
You worship me.
And I adore you
Aug 2022 · 130
You are
Slightly Lovely Aug 2022
You are my best friend,
My other half,
My favorite Puzzle Piece.
You are summer nights and fair rides
You are watching video games,
Making potions,
reassurances.
You are love
May 2022 · 138
Why
Slightly Lovely May 2022
Why
I am exhausting.
The evidence is in my mother's eyes,
The tensing of shoulders when I call my partner pretty,
The tortured yes when I ask to see my friends,
The disappointed sigh when I am excited about books and movies.
It's in my father's voice when he asks about my faith
when they ask why I can't just be content.
It's in the way I hear them argue about me,
It is in the way I am never enough until I am too much,
Never enough to convince my father to go to therapy,
Never enough to be the one protected from books,
Never enough to be believed,
And then I am too much,
Drowning everyone around me,
Selfish, dark, a ruiner,
Screaming to be cared for,
Screaming to be listened to.
I stopped asking, I stopped showing my want
Tugging knees to myself to be less,
Sparing cash and care when I'm broke and tired,
And you ask why, why, why,
But I can't explain cause you never listened in the first place.
May 2022 · 211
Loved by you
Slightly Lovely May 2022
It is mortifying to be loved by you.
You aren't good
But you're my father,
And you've never hit me,
But you never truly loved me
At least not the way I wanted
May 2022 · 265
A Girl or a God?
Slightly Lovely May 2022
I am a God,
A being never believed or understood,
Begging to be loved and seen,
And I am a Girl
A being never believed or understood,
Begging to be loved and seen,
And maybe these are the same
And maybe we are all just crying in the dark,
Afraid to be alone,
And ready to be worshipped.
Apr 2022 · 147
Grief
Slightly Lovely Apr 2022
If energy cannot be created or destroyed,
just change forms,
then I am born of grief,
If I am made from something,
I was knit from love after death,
The weight of memories with no place to put them down,
I am the care and adoration that dies in your throat,
The loneliness in a crowd,
The sadness in your bones,
The shame for growth,
The crime of happiness.
If I am made from anything,
It is grief.
Slightly Lovely Mar 2022
You deserved so much more than what you were given,
My love,
You deserve the smell of rain on concrete,
Of crying in a lover’s arms,
Hands through your hair,
Hugs from behind,
Swaying in an embrace as you make pasta,
Pj days and thrifting hauls,
And someone who will pick up your room and bring you cocoa when you can’t get out of bed.
My Darling,
You deserve the world,
And everything it has to offer.
Mar 2022 · 104
Rot
Slightly Lovely Mar 2022
Rot
There was a softness in me,
coveted, beloved,
my soul and body filled with rot
a decaying, spreading decomposition,
an instability I could not hide.
the putrefaction showed in every word I spoke.
it spoke of weakness and vulnerability.
In order to survive, I ravaged myself,
tore out every mailable piece,
and cut away my roots,
I removed myself from the soil which had so corrupted,
and now I grow, missing pieces and hollowed out,
but I am still here,
and I am no longer soft,
but instead I am withstanding and hardened
Nov 2021 · 330
you
Slightly Lovely Nov 2021
you
you were pliant,
skin yielding under my hands,
lips velvet over mine,
everything about you
dips, perfect and smooth
how could someone so sweet, so soft,
leave me so bloodied?
Nov 2021 · 112
I'm alone
Slightly Lovely Nov 2021
No one will hold me,
and I'm shaking and sobbing,
as I drive the whole way home,
on the wrong side of the road.
No one will love me the way that you did,
And in fact,
I don't know if I'll ever be so loved,
But you left me
To cry in the dark,
And I'm starting to think,
That maybe I deserved it.
Nov 2021 · 93
I'm alone
Slightly Lovely Nov 2021
No one will hold me,
and I'm shaking and sobbing,
as I drive the whole way home,
on the wrong side of the road.
No one will love me the way that you did,
And in fact,
I don't know if I'll ever be so loved,
But you left me
To cry in the dark,
And I'm starting to think,
That maybe I deserved it.
Slightly Lovely Oct 2021
I hate the way you cared for me.
I would have rather never been loved than to know what I do now
To know how it feels to be comforted,
To have your soft hands holding my face
To curl my body into yours,
To hide my face in the crook of your neck,
To be safe,
To be loved.
That is the cruelest thing you've ever done to me.
I miss you
Oct 2021 · 86
hurt
Slightly Lovely Oct 2021
You said to me,
"Hurt me. Again and again, in the worst ways, and I'd still run back to you."
and I pressed my cheek into your soft hand and replied with;
"You could show me the worst version of you, the ugliest, cruelest, craziest, version of you, and I'd still think you were the prettiest thing I'd ever seen."
And we didn't kiss
but we wanted to.
oh, how we wanted to.
And we aren't together. We won't be together. And that ******* kills me
Sep 2021 · 263
s i c k
Slightly Lovely Sep 2021
There are mornings,
where my bed is a casket,
where I do not breath,
I do not see,
I cannot rise,
And I have no life to save,
to cry,
to sleep,
to be anything,
or any more of myself
For I am exhausting,
and I find stillness only in my death.
pmdd, ptsd, and seasonal depression is a rough combo at 6 in the morning
Sep 2021 · 95
Molten
Slightly Lovely Sep 2021
I want to ravish and scream,
I want to press my tongue into someone's mouth,
I want to press this burning into anyone else
I want it out,
Singed and simmering on someone else's skin,
This smoke so thick it could be solid to rest inside someone else's chest,
I  want to cry,
To feel numb
To let everything pour away, and never see it again,
Returning to withered ashes and bones yet again
Sep 2021 · 184
/(=╹x╹=)\
Slightly Lovely Sep 2021
I want to crawl inside your skin just to feel you better.
I want you to talk until the end of time,
So I can know your voice completely,
I want to be so intimately close to you,
That we are part of each other's stories.

You are spitfire and tears,
And you're soothing whispers in the night and talks about stars.
You consume me.
You consume everything.
Like the sun.
And I knew I could never hold you down,
So I'll bask in your warmth from afar.
I'll be here, waiting for the next time you want me.
For the next time you break me
(I'm not in an abusive relationship I just have an unhealthy view of how much of myself to give away.)
Sep 2021 · 486
Can you love a dying thing?
Slightly Lovely Sep 2021
I am a ruiner,
As I gasp for breath,
Heaving my lungs
Desperatly trying to pull upwards
I latch onto you,
Everyone close to me,
Trying just to get to air,
And instead,
I drown you with me
And I'm sorry
But I'm not an Angel
I'm not even lovable,
All I ever do is hurt,
And break,
And ruin.
this is subpar at best :/
Sep 2021 · 485
Please... Stay
Slightly Lovely Sep 2021
I knew you'd leave,
but I wanted you to lie to me
so I could pretend to be wanted,
just for a moment,
For a breath
A moment
A kiss
A lie
Jun 2021 · 123
Mother
Slightly Lovely Jun 2021
Right now you are a tulip bud before spring,
And I know you might never bloom,
but I hope you do.
I can count your words.
the ones that shine,
on my fingers.
But I see you reaching for the sun,
growing.
So I will nurture this little hope,
the one I hide in my chest,
that one day, I will have more memories of your support,
than your homophobia
Slightly Lovely May 2021
the scent of the flame
a type of beauty existing in pain
An aching for the feel of a hand in mine,
as if the whole world felt your tears like rain,
an explosion of human understanding,
existing within a single vein.
Apr 2021 · 128
How could you?
Slightly Lovely Apr 2021
Anger is my friend,
but she is just a mask,
A storm erupting to save face,
and hide the heartbreak,
the grief.
Why couldn't you love me?
I'm your daughter
How have you failed something so essential?
do you even see me crying?
Apr 2021 · 80
Dreaming of Death
Slightly Lovely Apr 2021
People say to live every day like it was your last,
but they call you impulsive when you do.
I used to wish id die of cancer,
so I could call you,
see you again,
Cause who would say no to a dying 17-year-old in love?
And I'd still rather have 2 weeks to live spent with you,
than a whole life without you.
Slightly Lovely Apr 2021
My type is unattainable women,
and arrogant men.
Sometimes it makes me wonder,
if that counts as self harm
or  maybe it's just God's cruel joke
I always seem to be the punch line...
Slightly Lovely Apr 2021
And I dreamed I met you at an airport,
History stretching between us,
And you were teasing and coy,
Like you knew who I was,
But it was our first meeting.
Maybe we met like that in the next life, or the past.
Maybe this was always meant to be,
But in the dream I was so sure I would wake up next to you,
I don't know what this means for me
Apr 2021 · 636
(when will this ever stop?)
Slightly Lovely Apr 2021
do you ever cry about me?
and if so,
do you think that sometimes,
we cry together?
Slightly Lovely Apr 2021
It's been 2 years,
but when someone asked me,
"If you could go back in time would you?"
I said yes.
Because I would give anything to be with you.
I wouldn't waste a second,
I would tell you I loved you the second you asked
I would reach out to my brother,
I'd tell my family at a different time,
I would know exactly what not to do,
And maybe, just maybe,
You could've stayed.
#when you have homophobic parents who tore apart your first love and you thought you'd get over it but you haven't
Apr 2021 · 103
untitled pt. 2
Slightly Lovely Apr 2021
I want to crash my car into a tree at 120 mph.
I want it to end as violently as the anguish inside of me.
I want the adrenaline rush just to feel something before it all ends.
And I want to play my quiet music
and watch my blood drip into the bath,
I want to swallow all the sleeping pills in my cabinet
and watch the world blur around me.
I want to listen to your voice as I go,
and I want to be held by my family and friends with tears in their eyes.
I want to raise my ****** hand to their cheek to wipe the pain away,
I want kisses on my hair and I want to know that the end will be good.
I want to be so much lighter than I am.
I am talking to my therapist and i reached out to the national hotline, so It'll be okay guys. I never seem to get what I want anyways
Apr 2021 · 234
Untitled
Slightly Lovely Apr 2021
I want to be so much lighter than I am
Apr 2021 · 94
I have a Liar of a Father
Slightly Lovely Apr 2021
"I'll love you forever," you say,
Holding me against you,
as you twist the knife in my stomach
"I'll always protect you"
as your poisonous words
"I don't believe you"
rip my stomach to shreds.
"I'll always be there,"
a stark lie spoken the night after
you told me you wouldn't walk me down the isle
you're a ******* liar,
and I'm tired of pretending you're not
Slightly Lovely Mar 2021
I collapsed inward,
a tidal wave crashing down as sobs ripped through my whole chest.
You held me tight against you,
a hand holding my head to your heart as I broke,
and when you asked if I wanted to talk about it,
I didn't know how to say
"you"
Mar 2021 · 198
What it is to be Human
Slightly Lovely Mar 2021
Was there ever a better pair than sad music and sunny skies?
Melancholy in the way of life,
The bittersweet ache of:
                                     y e a r n i n g
                                            and
                                         l i v i n g
                                            and
                                      b r e a k i n g
                                            and
                                       l o n g i n g
i listened to phoebe bridgers and julian baker today, and the sun made their sweet sadness ache like i was happy. But i wasn't. And i'm not.
Slightly Lovely Mar 2021
I am a half forgotten thing,
skin slowly starving,
living off the whisper of an embrace.
When was the last time lips pressed to me,
or hands caressed me?
Slightly Lovely Mar 2021
I have never ached more,
for someone to call me good.
To look at me.
to press kisses to my face,
to rub circles on my skin.
to see me as a flower or the stars.
Feb 2021 · 116
Don't stop living.
Slightly Lovely Feb 2021
I want the voices in my head to stop.
I want the overthinking, overfeeling,
to ebb into a quiet murmur.
I want to kiss someone,
without wondering if I should because I wouldn't marry them.
I want to date someone,
without thinking about them leaving.
I want my heart to stop beating,
and I want my brain to stop shouting,
and my lungs to stop breathing,
and my eyes to stop opening,
because every time they do I see a world too complicated to simply live in.
so I'm going to ask you out,
because I want to,
and I'm gonna stop worrying,
so I can live.
Feb 2021 · 115
untitled #3
Slightly Lovely Feb 2021
I let my guard down,
and now I think
I want to kiss you
....


****.
(Would you like me too?)
Slightly Lovely Jan 2021
I did not realize that love left you scarred.
That even if you moved on,
part of your heart is always loving them.
Slightly Lovely Dec 2020
When the night comes,
or that song plays.
When I sit down in the shower,
or I drive by your place.









That's when I think of you.
Silent
Still.
Nov 2020 · 353
cracks and fissures
Slightly Lovely Nov 2020
We shared a pain,
                                   cracks spreading over both our porcelain faces.
                             If i told you,
            would the fissures begin to fade?
Would you feel loved?

                                                         ­                        (or would you hide away?)
                                                      Coul­d we talk at night?
                                     As the chasm we both feel begins to gape,
         as our hearts ache and the distractions fade?

(or would you hate me?)
Nov 2020 · 130
in this we share
Slightly Lovely Nov 2020
There is something alluring to the way she hurts,
Familiarity to her pain,
Beauty to her ache.
Darling, you're poetic,
even while you break.
(your heartache looks just like mine,
but i am not half as beautiful)
Nov 2020 · 69
(crushing)
Slightly Lovely Nov 2020
Darling,
melancholy tastes so sweet,
when I think about how I love you
Nov 2020 · 90
Bleak
Slightly Lovely Nov 2020
My arms ache,
from trying to hold you
Oct 2020 · 61
The Flames
Slightly Lovely Oct 2020
When the fire first started,
I ignored the sparks and smoke.
But as I grew,
I began to burn.
Hands exploring myself,
a new sensation at my fingertips.
I used to feel guilty,
like ******* was a sin.
But I don't feel that way now,
as whimpers fill the room,
hitched pretty breathing,
little whines and sighs.
I think I was created for this,
and God knew that the flames would lap at my body,
made me to burn and build and crescendo.
So I don't feel guilty anymore,
and I guess,
I never should have.
(this might be the most scandalous pome i've ever written.
Oct 2020 · 58
honey
Slightly Lovely Oct 2020
time slows,
thick and sweet
honey slowing my veins,
lulling me.
I wake up only to fall asleep,
my classes are falling behind,
but I can't bring myself to care,
it all feels so distant...
Oct 2020 · 62
What is it about Autumn,
Slightly Lovely Oct 2020
that tastes of heartache?
That feels like longing?
Is it you?
Or is it the ghost I never quite stopped loving?
Sep 2020 · 67
To love you.
Slightly Lovely Sep 2020
Lay with me in the rain,
  Walk with me in the twilight,
  Hold me in the dark,
  Sing to me from beside the fire.
       You glow on the fading sunlight of an autumn day,
                                                                The leaves falling,
                                       And so are you,
Dying
i love you still
Sep 2020 · 67
Selfish.
Slightly Lovely Sep 2020
I dreamed you kissed me
That you loved me enough
To break it
And kiss me.
What a selfish dream to have...
Slightly Lovely Sep 2020
Loving, is easy.
It’s the aching.
The waiting.
The breaking.
That’s what tears you apart and tells you,
Love is hard.
Sep 2020 · 60
Can I touch you yet?
Slightly Lovely Sep 2020
She always smiles like she’s about to cry,
Looking at me,
As though she’s expecting a goodbye.
I’m not leaving,
But I can’t stay too close.
For I’m afraid to live,
But more afraid to die.
Sep 2020 · 58
Could you?
Slightly Lovely Sep 2020
Could your delicate hands,
hold me?
Could your soft lips,
press into my face?
Maybe.
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